He signed into his email account and forgot to log out. He just left for Iraq two days ago and we never turn our computer off. So I went in his email with the intent on signing him out, but of course I looked at his emails because I'm snoopy and he hasn't cared about it in the past. Anyway, I saw an email for fling.com claiming that some girl wanted to meet him or be added to his friends list or something. I clicked a link that signed me into his account from the email and he has been talking to multiple girls since the 31st of august...basically he told them that he wanted somebody to have sex with and fool around with before he deployed. He lost his virginity to me and we are a newly wed couple...we are also pretty young. He is only 20....but that is no excuse for his unfaithfulness. This is reason enough to divorce him right? Especially if I print off the pages and show them to a lawyer? I left my family, friends, my education, and my job to be with him and this happens. I'm pissed.
2007-09-13 10:07:17 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also, since he is in Iraq...how do I go about getting a divorce?
Should I try to save the relationship? I don't know if he cheated on me for sure or not. The emails sent between the girls and him never had any set dates because the women would stop repling to him...
2007-09-13 10:12:21 · update #1
Wow!!! Where to begin. I went through this with my ex a few months back same scenario but we were not married. I know he did not have sex with the girls but I questioned him on the emails and when he tried to deny it I said their names and where I saw the emails at on his computer and the messenger add ons and we fought about it. I'm no longer with him but not because of that just the fact he was doing this and had porn on hid computer mad me upset like i wasn't enough for him. On your hand you are married. If you report him to his command do realize he will get in lots of trouble with demotion or even discharged for being unfaithful in your marriage while being in the military and i know because i have many military friends and my baby's father is also in the military. Collect your thoughts first off and think before your eact...you said you don't know if he actually cheated, right? Well talk to him first and see whathe has to say in the meantime do print them out for your own good in the long run incase it happens but never tell him you did this. Try to work it out with him if you really love him and think you could get passed this when he returns. Don't react just yet. Guys that young in the miltary get amrried early for the benefits keep in mind but not all cases are like that..They make more from just being married and have certain benefits from getting married. There is no excuse to cheat at all age, deployment, nothing ok. Take time to think about it first contact your friends and family try to get their views and their support while he is away. Don't do anything to jeopardize his life being in Iraq they go through enough. It may be nothing and nothing happened and if that is the case you both need to talk when he gets back and if it's not going to work then file for an annulment or a divorce but know it will take a while before your divorce goes through.
I understand you left everything to be with him as I did for my ex and I have 2 kids and I have nobody where I am at and my family and friends are 10 hours away form me. I have my kids and my baby's father. So I do know how you feel being alone.
Take one day at a time and try to think things through and try to talk to him but do not take any steps toward divorce until you know for sure he did actually cheat. Most guys want attention before they get deployed and I hope my don't when he leaves in a few months but he was not completely honest with me either after finding out I was pregnant he told me he went back to his ex. I was heart broken after he asked me to marry him and told me he was falling for me etc. here I am pregnant and he knew when he went back to her and strung me along. I accepted it and we are better than ever to be honest although we hurt. I was hurt by him and he was her by her so we made a pact to never hurt one another and be open and honest. I feel for you but think about it ok. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-09-13 10:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by tenderheartedmami 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Going through pretty damned close to the SAME EXACT THING accept he's a month from coming home.
If he's doing it now he wont change. It took me 2 years of emotional struggles. I too gave up everything for him. Contact a JAG. Go to the nearest military installation or search online for the number to the JAG. They can help you with legal assistance and work up a legal seperation and divorce.
You should try to get in contact with your family for help. If not contact anyone who can help you get out. If you have power or attorney that will help greatly. I just saw the JAG and finally feel like Im getting somewhere with it all.
You can also contact militaryonesource. Go to militaryonesource.com they have 24/7 free councelors and advisors and they can tell you where to go and what to do. I called and talked to a lady for an hour one night. It's a toll free call. The people there are so kind and listen very well.
I wish you the best of luck.!
PS- I too found emails between him and another lady. They were "suspicious" but I didnt have enough evidence to leave. He ofcource had every excuse in the book and promised to never speak to her again. This was 6 months ago. I have had a sick feeling ever since. It's kept me up at night. It's been that natural intuition. He was being so distant and I could hear it in his voice. I could hear it in the denials when I asked if there was someone else or something he was hiding. Well, He got busted because 3 weeks ago I found him on myspace and I logged into his email an account that he was hiding from me and found what would be the end of our marriage. I found tons and tons of emails to another woman. It's sick. I also found he had tried to back in contact with an exgirlfriend. It's sick and it's gross but what Im saying is follow your natural intuition. Don't stay until your so deep into it you can't get out.
2007-09-13 13:11:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Please don't go back to him. this happened to me, 2 years ago and I am still struggling with the situation. I took him back thinking i could forgive and forget. Believe me, it's not an easy thing to do. I have 3 small children that have been on my mind since the day I found out about his affair and that is the reason I stayed.. Now, I wish I would have left the day I found out. I would be so much happier now. the kids will hurt no matter what you decide, but in the long run they along with you will be fine and happy. Put him and this behind you... it's not worth the pain for years to come.
2016-05-18 22:47:33 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now hold on a sec...just because your husband put an ad online asking for sex, doesn't mean he actually went through with it. An ad isn't enough proof of infidelity. The girls on the site may not have wanted to have sex with him also. Just cuz someone asks to get a hookup doesn't mean it happens. If you can get an email from one of the women saying they did it, then you go for your divorce. Otherwise, confront your man when he gets home from Iraq and see what he has to say. I've known of plenty of army guys who have cheated on their women in the past, and it seems more common with servicemen for some reason. Before getting your divorce papers, see if he really did have sex with another woman though.
2007-09-13 10:20:54 · answer #4 · answered by mjciani916 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You married way too young and obviously didnt know each other that well. You can confront him about it and see what happens. If you want to work things out, then you will have to put this in the past and not bring it up every time that you fight with him. If you want to leave, you have grounds for divorce, and since you are newly married, you may be able to have the marriage annulled. If you want a divorce, contact an attorney. They will be able to advise you on what to do since he is in Iraq.
Good luck!
2007-09-13 10:17:31 · answer #5 · answered by snowbirdbabe 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's sad and tough but if your marriage is fairly recent then think about this....If he's capable of this when you're supposed to still be newlyweds enjoying the best time of your marriage, then what more should you look forward to later on? It's hart to tell you what to do because I know how hard and painful it is but if you have the strength and the courage, I think you're in time to let him go before things progress. If you see that it's soooooo hard for you to leave him, then I suggenst you see a therapist 1st on your own while he's away, then once you've had therapy and time to think things over, if you still want to keep your marriage you really MUST confront him about this and make sure he also goes to therapy, alone and with you. This won't erase or go away like magic and you will NEVER trust him again so think about how miserable that may make you too! ! !It's a tough decision but one that ONLY YOU can make. Good luck sweety.
2007-09-13 10:31:51 · answer #6 · answered by PatsyPat! 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The problem is not that he MAY have cheated, the problem is that now you can't trust him. Take trust out of the relationship and there's not much left.
Talk to him and let him know you what you found (also print off copies for yourself). See what he says, but be ready to find a lawyer. You are both young enough to start over and it sounds like he needs to sow more oats before he's mature enough to settle down.
2007-09-13 11:15:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you truly love each other try to work it out. You two are very young he may have felt he was getting in over his between being married and being deployed to Iraq. I would suggest waiting until he comes back from Iraq and then discuss it with him and see what he says, allow him to defend himself to you in person. Love and support him while he is gone as much as you possibly can I know that will be very difficult to do though.
2007-09-13 10:55:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Same thing happened to my sister...even with the same website. He cheated when he was in North Carolina a few months before he was diployed. I guess all the guys were doing it. So yes I very much believe he did it. As for me I have been with my husband since I was 14 and I am 21 now and he cheated as well. I never thought he would but he did. When it was happening he told me nothing was going on, but bam 2.5 years later the truth came out... Believe me men love sex and even though they love you... they always love themselves and their little member so much more. You really need to scare the **** out of him (meaning leave or start divorce proceedings) and see if that straightens him out.
2007-09-13 10:16:21 · answer #9 · answered by bev928 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
TO: joan of f arc,
If you really think a page printed off an internet site as proof of betrayal...then wouldnt every woman/man create bogus accounts under thier spouses names, commit 'internet adultry' and print out the pages for the lawyers ???
Maybe thats just what is going on here?
plz, post a pic...these avatars are so lame now.
2007-09-13 10:26:04 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋