Why do some people sabotage their own happiness?

Question

Is it a reflection of one's self worth and esteem?

I always seem to do it.

When I have an opportunity to be happy, I ruin everything and make myself miserable. I don't know why.
I don't do it deliberately. I mean obviously I know what I'm doing, but I don't do it with the objective to make myself unhappy.

Maybe it's a sub-conscious thing? Maybe I don't think I deserve happiness. Or love.

Oh god, I'm sorry. I always get deeply philosophical at these hours... I'm so terribly depressed and lonely right now.

Will someone please talk to me?

Answer 1

You are not alone, I do the same thing. I complain about not having enough friends or a better life, but when people express interest in me I push them away. For me, I always want things to be perfect...which is impossible. So, I put off relationships waiting for me to get everything in my life in order. I am sorry I have no "cure" for myself or for others who feel this way. I hope you can find a way to happiness because we only live so long and you do deserve happiness.

Answer 2

The question it boils down to is this; 'Would you rather be right than be happy?". You want to be right most of the time, in an argument or discussion you would rather be correct no? Same situation, you feel you DON'T deserve happiness because you feel that you haven't earned it or haven't suffered enough. The fact is you deserve everything you get. You jeopardize yourself because you feel you should be miserable. So your goal WAS to be miserable. If you want to be HAPPY you have to say you deserve it and want it even at the cost of being Wrong occasionally. You can be HAPPY and still go through life's struggles but with the full knowledge of yourself. But you would have never understood this unless you went through some misery yourself. I hope your journey will eventually lead you to your HAPPINESS.

Thank you for your question

Answer 3

No, I don't think it's a subconscious thing. I think it stems from insecurities.

For me, it's the fear that that happiness won't be everything it turns out to be, or that I won't be able to measure up to the perfect person that I create to compare myself to. I worry about that hypothetical moment, in marriage for example, when you realizes that "there's nothing to say anymore", and that your spouse is nothing like you expected.

I've gotten better at preventing self-destruction (not physical) than I was a few years ago, but for a while back then, I used to avoid social interaction to completely eliminate the possibility of "messing up".

The future is scary, but sometimes we've just gotta take the plunge and forge ahead, no matter what might happen. If you abandon all preconceptions of how something "should" be, like your happiness, and just...act, you have a much greater chance of finding your happiness than if you strive for an ideal.

If you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me - just offering, don't feel pressured. :)

Answer 4

I think that you're right, we tent to sabotage our own happiness because we don't believe that we deserve to be happy. Some where in our live either we or someone else in our lives has told us that for what ever reason we aren't good enough to deserve what other people have. So in a misguided belief that we don't deserve happiness we make sure that we don't get it by sabotaging it before we can get it and prove who ever a liar. IF the person who's been telling us that we don't deserve happiness is us we don't want to prove them wrong do we? Its hard to admit that we may have made a mistake even with ourselves.

Answer 5

these hours? horrible loneliness at 430 in the afternoon, but i guess this is the world wide web. I'm not sure what to say without the specifics. I have two problems.

1) I;m good when i have nothing and nothing to loose, i'm open and i'll tell you anything i want to or anything you want to hear. But then when i start to think i hve a chance at "happiness" love wealth whatever, i start to get a lil nervous, wonder if i'm good enough and maybe I try to be something else.

2) also sometimes when i get a little taste, i get a little more confident and a little more and i keep building up untill i fall on my face and i'm back where we started from.

Answer 6

wow, you have alot of answers here and i hope this doesnt get lost in the shuffle, but i have been the same way and to me its been a on going thing that I ALWAYS felt I never deserved better, but as I'vwe grown Ive seen lots that dont deserve the same but dont seem to do the same, my conclusion was, we create our own destiny no matter what and why should we create such a dismall place for ourselves, just take a step back and be happy that you see that cause that is the step in the right direction, sorry, I'm getting deep too, but it all boils down to you recognizing that and not many people can, is a plus, so just except it and once you except SOMETHING for what it is it makes it less of something thats to worry about. as thats the WAY THINGS ARE! so be it!
hope this makes sence, maybe not but I wish you well!

Answer 7

I think people can be too analytical and not trust their own better judgement. And that can mess you up big time! I'm not saying that being analytical is a bad thing, but just like everything else, it has its purpose.
You can't help what you've done in the past...work from now. Try to make things better and go with your gut instinct, not your mind! Everything will work out!
Regardless of who you are or what you've done, EVERYONE deserves happiness! :)

Answer 8

I do think that some people sub-consciously sabotage their own happiness. I think it stems from low self-worth, too -- mine stems from abuse at my home for 18 years. When something good happens people tend to think, "Oh, this is too good to be happening to me" and they fret about the day that it won't be so good, so they spend their time "waiting for the other shoe to drop" instead of spending their life in the here and now, not the past and not the future. So many of us spend our time fretting about the past or worried about the future. And many of us just don't know how to deal with happiness, so it's a coping mechanism -- a self-fulfilling prophecy is something you can count on happening. And to people who are fretting about the next bad thing to come, that's comforting. After all, a bad day will come eventually, proving them right. Now THAT is sad.

We need to be taught to live in the moment. Take all life has to offer and know we are worthy of the good things in life. Kids are taught to wait for the other shoe to fall. What if...just hypothetically...parents set a good example for their kids..and when something good happens, they just enjoy it instead of worrying about something over which they have no control (the future - a time when things won't be good - or the past, something which cannot be changed)?

Answer 9

Most of the time we do it without knowing that we are doing it. Might have something to do with the sub-conscious, but could also just be by chance or from not thinking things through.

Answer 10

I know what you mean. I felt like that last night. I'm not feeling that great actually - I think I'm a horrible bastard who doesn't ever deserve to have a meaningful relationship. I screwed up my last three opportunities to be happy too. What a prick I am.