How do I encourage my wife to lose weight without sounding like a jerk?

Question

We have been married for 1 1/2 years. She has gained 20 pounds since we got married. She is by no means obese, but because she is a petite girl (5 foot 2') it is very noticable. I have never told her that she needs to lose weight. She is still beautiful to me. I have tried things like asking her to go for a walk with me. I also have taken over lots of the cooking and am doing my best to cook healthy. I also do the grocery shopping and do not buy sweets or unhealthy, fatty foods. But nothing seems to be helping. Is there anything else I can try?

Answer 1

That is the question of the year. . .

I would start doing things like going on a walk alone saying you want to stay in shape. Do stuff like that without her and maybe she will want to start to go if you start doing it.

Dude, that is a hard one.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Well, maybe you need to tell her.
Think about a letter to get a job: Beginning, middle and end. Very important. I love you no matter what and do find you very beautiful, however....., and I am telling you because I love you.
For some people, losing weight on their own is very difficult, so maybe you can go to the gym with her. She won't feel too self conscious and will enjoy it more with you there to look out for her.
Gaining weight is not just about being less attrative, it can also develop all sort of health issues.
So many things you won't be able to do together anymore.
Besides, when you start putting on weight, it's very difficult to do something about it, if you don't react straight away.
They just keep piling up and before you know it, you are a size 22!
Good luck.

Answer 4

Try to not focus on this. Even though you are not bugging her, the way that you look at her and your actions in general are probably noticeable to her. This is something that she will have to do on her own. I gained 20 lbs as well after I got married. This is due to emotional eating - eating because of the new stress. Once her stress goes down, she will be more inclined to take steps to stop the emotional eating and take better care of herself. In the meantime, pay attention to her concerns and concentrate on making sure she is not stressed out. Talking to her about working out, eating better, etc. is the last thing a newly married woman wants to hear, and the emotional eating may get worse. Furthermore, it may drive her to start looking for affirmation from the wrong men (men who are not married to her). Since my husband starting complimenting me and leaving me alone about the weight gain, I have lost 10 lbs! Best wishes.

Answer 5

Actually, my boyfriend and I broke up for some similar reason.. he always told me I am fat, in the worst possible way.. even if I am not fat at all, I do have 5 kg over my ideal weight.. In time I got sooo fed up with his remarques that I told him to go find a model and leave me alone.. (along other things, of course). Guess what.. he comed back in tears at me telling me how beautifull I am and how he is a stupid *** to loose me because I was a size bigger.. (I have 60 kg at .72 height). I did left him, of course, and I am happy with even a thinner boy that my ex was.. So the thing is you try not to offend her, or be very insistent about this.. perhaps go with her at the seaside.. we do look at how we look in the swimming suite and we do get worried.. But it is very delicate.. you are a sensitive person and I think you'll do the right DELICATE move.

Answer 6

I think I would one day just get up and say "I gotta lose some weight, I'm going for a walk (bicycle ride..whatever) and go by yourself and everytime just say you're doing it cause YOU want to lose some weight and if you're lucky soon she will join you, especially if you make it seem fun and no pressure.
If that doesn't work than sit her down and tell her you feel like you got bait and switched, she was skinnny till she hooked you and now she is fat and it's not fair to change like that. Try to work on the wording a little better than that though.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

At first I thought what a jerk! But then I read your story. Sounds like she's lucky to have you. I think its something that has to be her decision. Its a sensitive situation as you know because you don't want her to flip out over it. I would maybe try to have a talk about health. Tell her that you want to make sure that you two have a long great life together, and that you want to get in better shape and would love it if she could help by being your walking partner. Maybe in that light she will try? Good luck!

Answer 9

That's treading some pretty scary waters. As a woman myself, I am pretty sure she is aware that she has put on the weight and probably doesn't like it. Just be encouraging and do what you are doing now.
Is there a physical activity that she used to do that she doesn't anymore (ie dancing, biking, roller skating)? if so, suggest that she take it up again as a special treat for her or maybe buy her classes to do something she would love.
You seem like a great and caring guy. keep up the good work. It's normal by the way for women to gain weight after marraige. most do.

Answer 10

She knows she's gained 20 pounds; and you're doing everything right with the walks and the healthy eating. Don't do or say anything else about it, unless she gains enough to be unhealthy.

Be sure she knows you think she's beautiful and desirable. When she's ready to make the change, she'll know you're on her side -- but no one wants to feel like they have to lose weight because someone else wants them to.

One last thought. . . she's gained 20 pounds since the wedding, how much did she starve herself to get into that dress??

Answer 11

Sorry Dude, no matter what you say you are going to sound like a jerk and hurt her feelings.

She knows she has a problem and when you acknowledge that she has a problem she will be crushed. Being overweight is like being on drugs, she will only change her behavior when she is ready. She has to make the decision all on her own or it will never work.

Love her and accept her. When your hair falls out she will still love and accept you.