Even more info on "Is my husband addicted to porn?"......?

Question

You all make it seem so easy to just get up and walk out...... I love him and the scarey thing is that i truely belive he loves me, he just can't seem to keep his dick in his pants. He is very loving and says I love you 20 times a day. He isn't very thoughful most times, but on the outside he is a sweat guy. I am going to my first time at counseling next week. I don't want a divorce, I want him to come clean and try to straighten up and keep our marriage together, but we can't if he continues to deny anything has ever happened. We have an 11 year old daughter and this will devestate her. I can't just throw 13 years away, can I??? Maybe he just has a screwed up head from childhood.....he said he would go to counseling with me, is it worth a shot???

Answer 1

Maybe you shouldnt have bashed him so hard in the other question?

Your mind is made up so what are you asking here ??

*starts to wonder 'whos head is screwed up since childhood'.

Answer 2

You chose your Answers name well: Confused!!! Yes, you are indeed confused. Your first question, before you finally provided some relevant details, said only that your husband looks at porn a few times a month. I said then and I still stand by the assertion that looking at porn that amount is NO BIG DEAL.

Now you come in here and start talking about him getting passed-out drunk playing strip poker, and having other women's phone numbers, condoms suspiciously placed in the garage, and such. This stuff is way, way bigger than looking at some porn. Clearly, what you are confused about is what's important and what's not. Husband looking at porn = not important. Husband staying out all night drinking and getting naked = important.

Maybe the reason you are focusing on the porn so much is because it's at least something you feel like you can exercise control over. That is understandable. However, you are putting yourself in danger of ignoring the big stuff by focusing on the little stuff. If you go into counseling and state your presenting problem as, "My husband is addicted to porn," your counselor and you are going to waste a lot of time getting to the real issues: irresponsibility, possible alcoholism, and fears of infidelity.

If you post another question, you would actually get better answers if you completely left the word "porn" out of it.

Forget the porn. Worry about what is REALLY important.

Answer 3

coming from someone who has some experience with this it is along time and you do have kids together so by all means if there is a miracle in heaven that can help the marriage than do it but understand that every time he says he loves you it is coming out of the mouth of a liar. you are making excuses for him. stay if you need to but also respect yourself. by sleeping with a man that does not respect you it gives him no need to have to try. he gets to sleep around and lie to you and there are no consequences so he will just continue to do it. maybe don't leave him but definitely take a break from him. go out take some time for your self. don't come home in the middle of the night even if your just sleeping over a girlfriends house give him a taste of his own medicine. and understand that when you sleep with him you are sleeping with the other girls that he may have slept with. he could bring something nasty home to you or worse give you aids and you have a daughter to think about it wont matter if mommy and daddy were together if you are not alive or you are deadly ill. look out for you and your daughter you also don't want her to grow up and be in the same situation because your marriage is what she learns from and kids aren't stupid they know more than you think they know. she may already know that daddy is not being faithfull but doesnt say anything because she doesnt want to hurt you or even think about it . he could be and actually is hurting her too. just do what is right for you but dont let him be in control of your life and how it ends up..... good luck

Answer 4

Sure, it's worth a shot. But be realistic, and don't expect him to change dramatically or overnight. You may have to put up with at least some of this stuff for as long as you're with him - it's just a realistic expectation. No one says you have to walk out and throw away your marriage, but we are what we are; if he feels the need to have sex with other people, and doesn't want to face the problem, there isn't much you can do about it.

Answer 5

it's easy for us to say get up and leave because we can all think logically and rationally, two things that don't strongly exist when there is intense emotions involve, which is your situation. here are a couple of things to think of. first of all, people don'/won't change unless THEY WANT TO. so you can spend lots of money dragging your husband to therapy and whatever, but if deep down he doestn' want to stop, then he never will, no matter what he TELLS you or how convincing he is with his WORDS. words are cheap. people can say lots of nice things and not have the actions to support it. you want him to come clean and keep the marriage together, well the coming clean will be on his terms, and the marriage is unfortunately going to be up to you. he denies everything which tells me he can't admit to having a problem. if he doesn't ever admit that, he will NEVER CHANGE. i'm sure that he does love you, but he has an issue that you have labeled as troubling in your marriage. i don't recall answering or seeing your previous questions, but what would you do if you just let him do his porn thing? ignore it? stop trying to change things? stop looking in the computer? stop making it a huge issue? or, tell him you don't want to see it or you will argu. if he must do it, you instruct him to be 100% responsible for you or your daughter NOT seeing it with absolutely no exception, not mistakes, EVER. i don't know what other ramifications his porn hook is having on the marriage other than you obviously don't like it, but you WILL NOT CHANGE HIM - unless HE wants to change. good luck.

Answer 6

Stop asking this damn question!!!!!!! How many people have to tell you a million times that he is not doing anything wrong?!

You want to know what's going to ruin your marriage? You sitting on the computer hour after hour obsessing about the fact that your husband looks at porn. Time you could be spending planning how to make tonight the hottest effing sex he's ever had in his life. Or better yet, watching some porn yourself so you can actually have an orgasm and get rid of your pent up sexual frustration that you are taking out on us. Jesus Christ if I read one more question about husbands and porn I will lose it.

Answer 7

The porn thing is probably that he feels distant from you and is reliving his sexual desires some other way. Perhaps you have distanced from each other, and he is relieving his frustration short of having an affair with a real person. It is a problem but both of you need counseling. A real woman is better than one on a screen.

Answer 8

i read all ur questions and i must say what more do u need to know about him then this. i mean its just 13 years not 31. i mean u have a long life ahead of u so saying i love u 20 times means he loves and do whatever he does that u think behind ur back. i mean if that's love i wouldn't want it. please before it the same **** in 20 years leave. lil things are going to keep on happening over years. why can't u let go if u are financially able to. do u want to spend the rest of ur life working on it? u said on the outside he is a sweet guy. what abt inside. i am in same position like u but trust me my culture and the country i live in if i divorce my parents will prolly hirre sumone to kill me . so i am stuck till i can plan to run away when i have enuf money.and u are prolly a free country.

Answer 9

If he is willing to seek help get him to read Every man's battle (just give the book title to a store employee). You don't have to just leave that's the easy way I say fight for your family they are worth it. Two other books I also suggest are Love and respect and Cracking the Communication Code (by Emmerson Eggrich) you can buy the cd's online at loveandrespect.com. Good Luck

Answer 10

The bottom line is really that actions speak louder than words, especially 20 "I love you's."

It will be more devastating to your daughter if you stay in an unhappy marriage where her father is acting inappropriately, and setting a bad example for your daughter to know what a good relationship should be.

His actions don't mean squat from what you've described.