im messing up my mariege?

Question

im messing up bad . me and my wife got in a fight and she packed up all her things and left. were fighting cause im jelouse i al ways bugg her when she goes out . i dont know whats wrong with me . y can i leave her alone . does any body know what i can do to stop bugging her . how do i control my jelousy .. i want her back with me i miss her so much . wats a good way to make some one forgive u

Answer 1

Has she given you reason to be jealous?

Jealously is often a symptom of control, and control is NOT love. It's just manipulation.

If you truly see her as an equal and a partner in life then you wouldn't feel like you have to control her.

Assuming you truly do love her and want her back the first step is to put some effort into identifying why you are the way you are and then take steps to change that.

Chances are, again unless she's given you reason to feel jealous, you've been this way before you met her, and that means you'll continue to be this way unless you act to change.

I would seek out a therapist to look into the issues. Often something in your childhood (maybe an absent parent) makes one jealous or fearful when their loved one isn't around. If you can identify the root cause, then you can take steps to change.

Change won't happen overnight, but if you can prove to her you are serious about changing and make some effort, she may be willing to be patient through the process.

Answer 2

I would suggest that you sincerely look for counselling to get some insight into why you can't trust and have this need to control her, before you even consider trying to win her back and convince her that you will change.
You need to understand the underlying reasons... it is a long process with lots of work, but the positive is the hard work will pay off with a healthy marriage- that is your goal and intent right?... So the best way to show her that you really want to change your control issue and eventually win her trust back is to do this. It's your issue and not hers ... so go to it alone. Get it done. Okay?
There is always hope and potential if there is a will. Good luck to you and don't give up. You have taken the first step by talking about your problem. It takes a strong man to do this and this is a very encouraging step.

Answer 3

You need to both go to therapy. Somehow you have to let go and trust that your wife loves you and only you. She has to be able to go out on her own sometimes. It isn't a healthy relationship if she can't do something by herself. For instance there isn't anything wrong with her going to Wal-Mart by herself. In the same instance, you both need some time with each other. Plan to go on a date to a resturant (McDonald's) if that is all you can afford. But go out once a week at least. Just have fun.

As for getting her back...just be very honest. Tell her that you realize that you are to jealous of her. Let her know that you love her and can't live without her. Tell her that you will try harder that you will go to counseling. Tell her that whatever it takes bottom line is you love her and want to get her back in your life. Good Luck!

Remember the first step to getting help is realizing that you have a problem. I sincerely hope that things work out for you.

Answer 4

I believe that jealousy means " I am not good enough" in most situations including this one. You need to ask yourself why you are so insecure. That's what it is really about and I think that if you tell her that this has absolutely nothing to do with how she dresses, acts, or looks and that it is something within you that you "will" work on...not need to work on, but will work on., she will be more willing to work things out. I think you might benefit from therapy. I was in therapy for 5 yrs and my hubby and I had a lot of problems. One of them was that I didn't trust him enough. He is the most faithful man on the face of the earth, I swear. Sooo here I was all worried about it all the time, and I finally learned that it was all about me. My therapist said to me....You need to trust him. I said, But I don';t know how. He said..you just "choose" to trust. Trust is a choice....you are choosing not to and that is costing you too much. You believe you can "keep" her on her best behaviour by keeping her home. The only one who can do that is her and you have to "choose to trust" that she will be able to reject passes made to her...or whatever your concern may be. I really do know how you feel. It is a terrible anxious feeling that nags at you, and before you know it you have said too much once again. But let me tell you...since I do choose to trust, my husband and I are far closer than when I was always worried. He knows I trust him which empowers him to be trustworthy. Good luck to you and I hope you do get another chance with her. Tell her you will change..and will even get help if it will bring her back home.

Answer 5

Love is not chaining a soul......it is about trust. Lack of respect for a persons honesty and faithfulness, especially when there is no basis, will wreck a relationship. She is not a procession she is your partner and equal. Get into some type of anger management group and initiate change in yourself. Wanting her back is not the same as wanting her to be happy. Actually, it is selfish not to allow your partner freedom to make their own choices.
It sounds like you are obsessed with her and that is not sharing a life or loving someone....it is trying to own and control the other person. Good luck!

Answer 6

You can not make her come back to you when you behave like that and even if you do change, it doesn't guarantee that she'll come back.
Leave her alone and quit bugging her. Don't call her on the phone. Give her a break and give her space. If she wants to contact you, she will call.
I know it's probably not in your nature to be patient, but you can also change your nature. If you love her, let her go. Bugging her will only let her become more distant from you. Keep yourself busy so you can take your mind off of her.

Answer 7

Am I missing something why does she need to go out without you anyways? This breeds trouble.

My question would be what has caused this jealousy is their a reason why you are the way you are?

I know in my reasoning during my relationship with my now husband and our past together he had given me reason to #1 be jealous #2 to not trust him.

You should really talk to her let her know you want to work on your relationship/and yourself. But tell her straight up that you will work on you first, if she can wait. Then go seek counseling!!

Good luck.

Answer 8

You have to look at yourself. Why don't you trust her, is it justified? Is it because you've been lied to or cheated on in the past and has nothing to do with her? Relationships are based on trust by checking up on her, being jealous etc. you are basically telling her you don't trust her, don't believe her or think she is lying and scheming. I wouldn't want anyone feeling that way about me, would you?
I suggest couples therapy and maybe individual counseling to deal with this issue.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Ask her to come back because you just want to speak to her.
Sit down and explain everything thats going on between you and her.
Be honest with each other.
Tell her your being honest because you trust and love her.
Just tell her whats going on.
Hopefully it may resolve it and maybe you can sort out everything.

Well unless you don't make the first move to get back with her it might not happen.

I hope it all goes well

Hope i helped ;-)