I have been with a man for 11yrs now..we have kids together and I have 2 kids prior from another relationship I was in before we got together. For 10 years now he has been verbally abusing me. And now since we have moved to another state..going on a year..he has gotten worse. What should I do? What can I do? He is controlling. I haven't worked in like 10 years..he tells me.. I can't. I have no money, no car..no nothing to help me escape this "HELL" my kids and I are going through. well I do have access to his accounts and I do drive but the things are not mines to just get and just leave and be happy with my kids. I hate feeling this way because when I am no happy...my kids are not happy. and they see me going through this and also hear all of it. Im so sick and tired living like this. If he knew I was on the computer..not doing something.."PRODUCTIVE" all hell would break loose. Just really tired of living like this. Do I hang around or leave?
2007-09-13 08:44:40 · 9 answers · asked by 'Fed'Up'07 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Quick answer - Leave...
Long one - Read your own question and then ask it to yourself... There is always help available, regardless of how much he thinks you need him. It sounds like you know what you should do sweetie and don't even need to ask us... Just take a deep breath, realize that YOU CAN DO THIS, grab your kids and go.
I wish you and your children all the very best...
2007-09-13 08:51:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although it may be hard to leave a 11 year relationship especially when there are kids involved from what you are saying i would get out and now! If you cant handle it any more think of the kids... they probably couldnt handle it any more a long time ago but they dont have the choice to leave... you do and i think you should do it... if not for yourself for your kids! They deserve to be happy and have thier mother be happy with them... the worst thing in the world to a child is having thier mother not be happy and stressed out... eventually if not already it will start to affect thier relationships with friends, loved ones, and when they start there own relationships and family. not only that but it may start to hurt thier school work which may in time lead to failling or bad grades. like i said before if you dont think you can do it just do it for your kids!
2007-09-13 09:03:58 · answer #2 · answered by felicia p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you should NOT be in a relationship like that in front of your children. The girls will grow up thinking it's okay to be treated like that and the boys will grow up thinking it's okay to treat their wife like that. I don't know which is worse.
Are your kids in school? Will he find out if you get a part-time job during the day? You could work and save up money to leave. If you have family or friends you can stay with, I would leave with the kids and try to find some work. Show your kids that women are strong people who don't let men treat them like that.
2007-09-13 09:19:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if this has been going on for what, ten years, I highly DOUBT that he will change. I was in a relationship like that for five years before the wonderful relationship I am in now. But the only thing different was I didn't have kids then. I couldn't imagine putting my children through that though. Honestly, this question can only be answered by your heart. But please consider your heart and your children's hearts and furture lives. Is it worth it??
2007-09-13 08:50:40 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs.Brackett[12/13/07} 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes people tell you what to do and it leaves you dissatisfied but the question you need to answer is how badly do you want to leave or stay? you really sound tried of it and and desperate to leave, but what does your heart tell you. why are you still with him? why have you not left him? until you can answer these questions, you will not be satisfied or ready to take a decision. do not say you stay because of the kids because it is not that. deep within you, you know what you want but are afraid to do it. take a breath and take a decision that comes from deep within. the first few months could and could not be pain full but it all depends on what you want.
2007-09-13 09:18:39 · answer #5 · answered by jet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
please don't stay just for the kids, u should be happy too. its also not setting a good example for your kids. you don't want them to end up trying to controlling everything and think that what their father is doing is ok. find a really good friend or family that can help you get out of the relationship or try to seek help from a womens shelter. its time to kick him to the curb before he becomes more abusive. no one deseves to be treated like that.
best wishes
2007-09-13 08:54:04 · answer #6 · answered by LINDSEY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eleven years already? And you're thinking it might get better? Please!! Take your children and go! There is nothing to stay for except more misery. An abuser does not suddenly decide to change. You may not have it easy for awhile on your own but you will regain your sense of dignity and realize life is a gift not to be wasted! You can build a good life for yourself and your children.
2007-09-13 08:51:45 · answer #7 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd attempt to pass to couples counseling first. ensure you have quiet time at the same time each and every day. For the subsequent month, ignore approximately your desires and concentration on him and ideal him and loving him. See if he finally ends up beginning as much as supply back to you. As for courtroom stuff and his BM. I even have discovered from my first marriage and a pair of-step teenagers and being in touch in courtroom with them and the EX to totally stay out of it with my new husbands EX and courtroom stuff. surely I even have been with him for a 300 and sixty 5 days and a 0.5 and that i've got in no way even met her and that i'm ok if i do no longer till my step-daughter gets married. My existence is lots calmer. attempt to step back and spot in the experience that your rigidity point is going down.
2016-11-10 08:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will only get worse.Find what is left of your self respect and get out. Then evaluate your actions. Why are you getting into dead end relationships
2007-09-13 08:49:59 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋