He filed for a legal seperation and it has been in effect since the 6th og August. He believed that I had an affair. I never did. I lied one time about where I was and who I was with because my husband did not like him at all. Also, for a long time my husband wasn't giving me the attention that I needed, in and out of the bedroom, but I still would never cheat on him. But I never cheated on him! Evryday without him get harder and harder to live. A few Saturadays ago he showed up at my part-time job and everything seemed to be going great, we laughed and talked, held hands. He called me that night and everything seemed to fine. I couldn't get to sleep, so I drove over to his house, to find a strange car in the driveway. I tried to call but he wouldn't answer. I know I shouldn't have ever gone it, but I did. There he was watching a movie in the dark leaning shoulder to shoulder with another woman. Since then he said that was it. I want him back, what can I do? Please help!!
2007-09-13 08:31:54 · 23 answers · asked by sarah_jetty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you did cheat on your husband, you lied to him and that is just as bad as having the affair men just want to be told the truth no games you should have said that you wanted to talk to this other person instead of lieing about it.but now he seems to be gone let him go for awhile and see what develops it all dependes on how bad you want him back if you wait and be paitient try not to show him how desperate you really are.
2007-09-13 09:01:19 · answer #1 · answered by sth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the people that are that insecure are only that insecure because they are the ones that are up to no good. They think like a cheater and think that everyone is capable of the same things that they are. Sometimes there are things and situations that you get yourself into that you are not really sure why you did what you did but they should know you well enough to know that you wouldn't be capable of something like that.
He is obviously trying to move on and that should be a sign to you that you should d othe same. He cares for someone else enouhg to have them over with out feeling awkward, then he's already made up his mind. Divorce is so much harder than a break-up. When you marry someone, yo uexpect it to be forever. You expect it to be comfortable and that that person will never leave you alone. That they will keep all the promises that they made to you that day, then one day you wake up and that has all gone to hell.
I do not envy your situation and I wishyou the best of luck with it. I'm sorry that you are feeling like this and I hope that you have friends taht live very close to you.
If you can forgive him, truelly forgive him for everything and you love him still, go get him, don't let him go, do whatever you have to do.
If deep down you know that it is not going to work out and that you wouldn't really be able to let go of all the things that he has done to you lately, then just start helaing. Let him go and try to move on. Find the one that will keep his promises and apprecaite you for who you are.
I'm really sorry honey, i hope taht this all works out for you. Good luck!
2007-09-13 08:50:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and reflect on all that is going on in your marriage. It appears he was already seeing this girl even before he filed for legal separation and has used the opportunity of saying you cheated as an excuse to continue to see her. You say you felt your husband was not giving you the attention you needed, well what was he doing? He either is punishing you for how he feels you had an affair or he already had this other girl and now is using the excuse of you cheating as a way out. You need to confront him and tell him you and him need to talk. If he refuses then the only way you will give him any incentive to take his marriage seriously is by giving him his way and ignoring him. Sooner or later he will wonder and ask himself if the end of the marriage is what he really wants. I am sorry you are going through this and hope all works out in your favor.
2007-09-13 08:46:20 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going to be honest here, He was cheating before....that is why he was not giving you attention both in and out of the bedroom.
And you making up a story about being somewhere else...just gave him an excuse to go out and be with the other woman.
HE was the one in the wrong...NOT you. He is moving on without you..I am sorry to be so bold...but wake up darling....
HE CHEATED AND you need to move on...he already has..
Why keep hurting yourself? Try to heal yourself.
I know that you want him, but honestly, can you really want someone who you saw with your own 2 eyes cuddling with another? I mean, I know they were not intimate, but if you had stayed and watched...I bet that comfortable feeling would have carried on into the bedroom.
If you can honestly and truthfully forgive him, and really want him in your life...then do everything in your power to get him back. Wear sexy clothing, get your hair done, smile A LOT! Be a friend, do all you can to entice him..seduce him!
Blessings and luck
2007-09-13 08:53:47 · answer #4 · answered by Midnight Winter WOLF 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but maybe it's time for you to just except what's happening and move on. What ever you do, it's going to be very hard, and painful. I went through a divorce, and went through the same situation as you, and as much as it hurts me to say this, and as hard as it is for you to hear this . . . the longer you hold on, the harder it gets. Does that make since? Searching for ways to get him back will tear you apart. A divorce is heartbreaking no matter how smooth it goes or how rough it goes, it's all pain full, but if you keep trying to hold on to something that's slipped away, your going to get hurt, and emotionally drained. The hardest thing is to move forward when you want to keep looking back, but if you push on, over time it gets easier with each passing day. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've felt your pain, and I wish you the strength to push through everyday. Good luck with what ever you decide to do. Remember, keep your head up.
2007-09-13 08:47:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with the above. Mistrust ledd to mistrust led to untrustworthy behavior. You guys really knocked heads. So, do you want him back if he slept with her?
If you do, you need to meet him for lunch and talk about this and say that you think that both of you grew apart but that you never cheated. Admit that the marriage had problems and you want to work on it. If he says no after a couple of such meetings, likely it is too late. I'm sorry.
2007-09-13 08:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hurting you. But like you said he was not there for you when you were together. I feel he wanted out and he is blaming you so as he does not feel guilty. If you let him do this you will never be able to get on with your life. As he has done.
why would you want some one who is not there for you emotionally or physically. you deserve to be happy. You would have not gone out with that person your hubby would not have approved of. then you would not have lied and made it look like you were hiding something.
IF HE WAS THERE AND SUPPORTED YOU, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO THAT.
Get on with your life. I hope you are some day able to find the happiness you deserve with the one you are meant to be with.
2007-09-13 08:40:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your husband accused you having an affair when in fact he is the one guilty of having an affair. However you did lie to him that one time....so he is bound to be suspicious of anything that comes out of your mouth. You are legally separated....and he has moved on apparently....not much you can do unless he is willing to get past all the turmoil in your marriage.
2007-09-13 08:41:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be the best person you can be for him. It's important that you establish a line of communication. Listen to what he's saying and why your marriage is on the rocks. Tell him your true feelings and make sure it comes from the heart. It's your job to make things right and do whatever needs to be done to earn his trust. It might take time but just be there for him.
2007-09-13 08:55:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do you want him back? He doesn't trust you and doesn't give you the attention you deserve and when you thought things were turning around, he's out with another woman. Move on. Maybe it's for the best.
2007-09-13 08:40:33 · answer #10 · answered by graybear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋