My wife had an affair with a much older married man before we were dateing. She claims it was a mistake that took place at least a year before we got together. (I'm not sold on that)
When we were dateing and engaged he would call her to get together when he came to town. The three of us went out to dinner several times. I had no idea about their romantic history at the time, otherwise I would never have gone along with it. I think he was still looking to hook up. My wife claims she wanted to "show me off to him". Until I learned of the affair she still corresponded with him over the phone and email. I suspect they both had a need to see each other and that my wife was not willing to ruin our relationship by sneaking around with him so she asked me to come along.
She even felt it was necessary to invite he and his wife to our wedding. She admits some guilt but claims their relationship was stricly a friendship after the affair ended. Does any of this make sense?
2007-09-13 08:23:55 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Come on Rob! You keep asking this same question and I and other keep giving you the same answer. Dump that Trollop!
Unless you LIKE being made a fool of, it's time to throw in the towel.
2007-09-16 04:03:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. It makes no sense, to put it bluntly.
Look, the only reason a woman wants to "show you off" to another guy would be to either make that guy jealous. It's different if she was showing you off to her girlfriends, which is a huge compliment to you. So, that's negative number one.
The second bad thing about this is that she was ENGAGED to you and at the same time continuing communicating with and seeing a guy she had a sexual affair with - and she did so without telling you. She then dragged you out to a "third wheel" type date with this other guy - so she's out to dinner with two guys she's been sexual with. That's suspicious right there.
You "think" he was still looking to hook up? Dude -- think about it. Of course he is still looking to hook up. Why wouldn't he be? He had an affair with her. Guys will always go back to the well one more time - you know that.
This is easily solved. You need to tell your wife/fiance' that you are not comfortable with her maintaining any sort of a friendship with this old flame. If she protests in any way - just make it clear, in a very calm and conciliatory tone, that you aren't accusing her of anything and that it is totally your own crazy feelings jumping all over the place. Tell her that it would just make you feel better if she would agree not to continue contact with him. Tell her you love her, and hope that she will respect your feelings.
If you put it to her that way, and she still says that she is going to communicate with him, despite your feelings on the subject, then you have a decision to make. She is effectively telling you that she does not respect your feelings, or care that this hurts you. That's a big test, in my book.... I would seriously contemplate whether she is the one.
Remember, nothing good can come of her maintaining a relationship with that guy. That guy will always be willing to sleep with her. The minute you guys fight, or you go through a down time where your relationship isn't the best, she will think about picking up the phone and crying on his shoulder. She will meet him for "a drink" and to "talk" -- and then she'll get a little drunk and go down on him in the parking lot.... BANK ON IT.
2007-09-13 15:53:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes it makes sense. Your wife was looking for a daddy figure and he filled that role for her. After the sex ended, they, unlike most of the people on Yahoo! Answers, were able to move past the physical part of their relationship. They wanted to see each other, but your wife didn;t want to ruin your relationship, so whenever he asked her out to dinner, she brought you along to show her ex lover that she belonged to you.
Hmmm. She chose you over the old guy. And you have an issue with this why? Hat the fact that he had her before you did? OK. I can see that. But you are a grown man. You won. Stop feeling inadequate or whatever is causing you to feel this way.
2007-09-13 15:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by Blade_III 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know a situation like that.
But its the wife who got a third party. The other guy can come in & out of the house of the wife because the husband of the wife thought that the two are best friends, sad to say its best friends with benefits. The other guy is even bringing his wife over the mistress house. Little did they know that those b***tards have their own condominium. A very sad situation but it happens and still happening.
I don't want to put dirty thoughts in your mind but friends can be lovers but lovers canNOT be friends.
2007-09-13 15:42:05 · answer #4 · answered by brittanique 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Makes no sense. They still have feelings for one another. I do not believe two people can remain"friends" after having relationship, let alone an affair. Make sure she has no contact with him from now on. It's ashamed your wife was lying to you. I wish you luck.
2007-09-13 15:36:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that she should have told you from the beginning so you could make an informed decision about being friendly with this man or not.
I agree that there is more to the story since she wasn't more open and forthcoming.
I do know some adults who are friends with exec etc., Perhaps they are more mature that I am because it would make me very uncomfortable and be weird.
The bottom line is that you are uncomfortable with it and she should respect that and quit forcing this man down your throat.
2007-09-13 15:30:39 · answer #6 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that she has been very dishonest with you, and had no right to treat you that way. It was disrespectful and I wouldn't be very impressed.
Still, whatever, you are now married and all her correspondance with him should stop. There's no old friend stuff. She needs to move on and show more respect to you in the future, by being totally honest and refrain from treating you as an idiot.
2007-09-13 15:37:37 · answer #7 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Makes no sense at all,,,she is playing you, and her FRIENDS wife. Maybe you should call this other guys wife and let her know what the history is , she probably has no clue. Or,,,she does know, and the three of them are looking for some SWINGING action,,,,either way, you would probably be best served to get everything out in the open,,,,,,,,Good Luck !!!!
2007-09-13 15:32:57 · answer #8 · answered by Lee B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hell no it doesn't make sense. She should have cut all ties with him the second she started getting serious with you. In fact she shouldn't have been seeing a "married" man to begin with but that's besides the point. She is wrong and you need to tell her so. I'm quite sure she's lied to you about more than one thing concerning her relationship with this man, obviously she has to have him in her life and I wouldn't put it past her to cheat with him again if it ever really ended to begin with.
2007-09-13 15:38:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, to me it makes no sense. It sounds like to me if she just wanted to show you off then she is obviously wanting to make him jealous. This is just my opinion though. You know if she had an affair with him then she should cut off all ties with him completely. Good luck with that... But tell her that something just does not add up there. She should not care what he thinks.
2007-09-13 15:30:20 · answer #10 · answered by Nally25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋