Is having a c-section really "giving birth"?

Question

I recently had my baby via emergency c-section. i was so adamantly against the idea of ever having one, and God thought it would be funny to give me just that. I've been emotionally wrecked ever since over the whole experience, I feel like a bad mom, not a strong woman, and that i really didn't give birth to my child, because to me, the doc cutting me open and pulling my baby out of my stomach required nothing of me. he did all of the work. i am just destroyed over this and don't know what to do.

Answer 1

I had my first c-section at 18, I hadn't planned it that way either, I remember telling my husband, we were still at the hospital I think, that I was jipped out of labor and stuff. However, I had a healthy baby, born a bit early but healthy all the same, and in the end that's all that matters. Now, I have had 3 c-sections and know for a fact that not only did you give birth but you recovered from major surgery too. Not only did your body have to heal from birth but the surgery too. And that's not easy!
I am thankful for the Dr's that know how to do c-sections because I would not have lived and my son and 2 daughters would never have been born, if it wasn't for them!
You are not a lesser woman or a bad mother...you are a good mom for putting yourself through whatever it took to get you child into this world healthy and safe!
Don't be hard on yourself, just sit back and enjoy your new family!

Answer 2

Would you feel better if you'd refused to have the C-section and your baby had died? Now THAT would make you a bad mum.

Talk to anyone who tells you how wonderful giving birth naturally is. When it comes down to it, the wonderful bit is seeing and holding their baby for the first time. That's true however the baby comes out. Sure natural childbirth is better - for those women who can do it. For those women who can't, C-section is better.

I do appreciate that you feel like you're not strong, though. I felt exactly the same after I had to have an emergency C-section for my first. I'd always thought I was tough, and labour was just awful, and I simply couldn't do it. I thought for three years that I'd been kidding myself all my life and I was really a pathetic coward. Then I broke my wrist, and because I had no choice, I got in the car and drove myself home. The doctors were astonished I'd been able to do it. And now I know that I am strong, and that no amount of courage would have got that baby out of me naturally. Being unable to give birth naturally makes you no more not a strong woman than needing to wear glasses does.

What matters for whether you're a good mum is how you behave during the nine months you carry your child, and the rest of your life together. The two hours when it comes out of you is a drop in the ocean.

Answer 3

The result is a baby, and a baby has to be born to start our life as an independent human being.

If a woman is given drugs to relieve the pain, can it be said that she didn't give birth. You may be surprised to learn that very few women, given access to modern medicine, actually go through with a completely natural child birth. These improvements in medical technology serve a purpose. The most important of which is that many more babies and mothers actually survive the process than they did a hundred years ago.

And THAT, dear lady, is a GOOD thing.

As far a the doctor doing all the work: Did he carry the child and keep it healthy for nine months? Only a mother can do that. The doctor didn't "give birth" any more than the lady who christens a new boat with a bottle built the vessel.

Answer 4

I have had four children naturallly with no pain medication. I think I would have felt the same way. You could not help what happened to you. I think you are grieving the loss of a wonderful experience. Try to enjoy your baby anyway. Perhaps you could go for a V-bac next time. Find a doctor that is in favor of V-bacs. In the 50's and 60's no woman in the hospital really gave birth either because they tied them up, and drugged them so much they hardly knew what was going on. They all missed out on the wonder of giving birth and did not even know what people were talking about in reference to it.
If you have a healthy baby, try your best to be thankful anyway. That is the most important thing. Being a good mom is the most important. It is of no importance to your baby how they were born; they don't remember it.

Answer 5

How can you be a bad mom. You had a baby, that make you a wonderful mom. And how can you say that you did nothng. The work involved in a c-section is all after the birth. Mothers that can go natural have most of their work during the birth. C-section mommies have the long road of recovery. Being a c-section mommies means having to be strong for you baby as you heal yourself. That is tough.

I had a c-section a little over a year ago. Of course I was disappointed but all that matters is that I had my little girl. When someone asks me about my delivery I say, "she justed hatched" and that is how I see it. My little girl pecked out of her shell. I don't know if that will make you feel better, but it helped me for some reason. I guess because it is a cute way to think about a c-section.

I hope you feel better.

Answer 6

Don't feel bad. I went through the same situation. Don't say that you didn't do much during the birthing. You carried that baby through term and that is the hard part of it. Doctors decided on an emergency C-Section because it was the best thing to do in whatever situation you were in. Not sure but you could be going through some kind of postpartum depression. I went through that with a lot of support of family and friends. Enjoy your time with your baby. Hope everything goes well and believe me, I've learned to believe that I am a good mom, but too bad children don't come with instruction books!

Answer 7

Ding-ding went in, baby came out - you just gave birth, no matter what. Do a web search and see what the percentages of births are c-sections and you will be amazed. My friend and his wife actually set an appointment to have their baby, like dinner reservations. Induced labor, c-section, welcome to the World, son! If you feel nothing was required of you then how do you explain the previous nine months? Relax and talk to your OB about post-partum depression. It can really hit hard, especially if you weren't prone to depression before. It can feel helpless but it will get better. Now you strong woman, you good mom - go pick that baby up and give it a big kiss.

Answer 8

Congratulations!!! I just had a baby too! I kind of know how you feel. I had a c-section too because of complications. I really feel like I missed out because I didn't have a "natural birth." When I see commercials, or movies where they portray going into labor and all the work involved to finally get this baby that you've been waiting so long for, and have been through so much for, it makes me a little sad. But I just look at my son and I hold him; he is so beautiful. Nothing else really matters as much when I look at him. You have such a precious gift. Just enjoy your baby, before you know it, he/she will be all grown up, and the only things that will matter is how you raised him/her, and if they are happy and healthy.

Answer 9

Oh my gosh, you should not punish yourself for that. Emergency c-sections are just that...an emergency...and it was for the sake of your baby's well-being and health and not because of anything you did wrong. In essence, you saved your child by having the c-section, putting its safety first...which is the absolutely most important thing a mother does. Believe me (and I'm 37 weeks with my 2nd child)...it takes a lot of strength to carry a child in your womb for 40 weeks, and to plan for its care the rest of its life. You suffered through contractions, I'm sure before you had the c-section and you did everything right. You did give birth to a child, because you conceived the child, carried it, and will now care and love that child forever.

You may be experiencing some general baby blues or perhaps some post-partum depression. Please talk to your doctor about your feelings and perhaps speak to a therapist as well. I don't want to diminish your pain and angst over the c-section, so please talk to a professional

Answer 10

I was against the idea of a c-section as well, I thought that a c-section wasn't really giving birth and I was afraid that I wouldn't feel that bond with out vaginal birth. BUT we also had an emergency and tried to induce but after 2 days it wasn't working and I ended up under the knife if I hadn't of had that c-section when I did, If I had tried to labor longer hoping for a vaginal birth I would have lost my son.

Sometime things don't go as we plan and we have to deal with that. a C-sections doesn't make you less of a Momma and doesn't make your child less of a miracle. Just be glad that you and your baby are okay.