Can I tell her she's fired/he's cheating?

Question

Two separate instances:

1) One of the secretaries at my office is about to get fired. I can tell the boss doesn't like her, and I saw an ad he posted on craigslist for her position. I am not friends with this girl, but we are friendly, we're acquaintances. Can I tell her?

2) I met a girl at a wedding, we became friendly (again not friends, just acquaintances). We've chatted occasionally since. At the wedding, I overheard her boyfriend talk about how he's cheating on her. They've been together 2 years, she thinks he's a god. Can I tell her?

Advice ASAP!! I really WANT to tell, but that's just b/c I'm nosy. What I need to know is SHOULD I tell?

Answer 1

Keep out of both of these issues.

There is an old saying - if you wish to help your friend, do so in such a way as to not make their problems - yours.

There is another saying - crude but effective - You can't shovel sh!t without getting it on you. Remember this one.

It's bound to get back to the boss that you were the one who spilled the beans on her dismissal. That will put you in real hot water. Even if your boss is a jerk - he's still your boss and it's HIS job to handle his staff as he (not you) sees fit.

If you tell your friend that her boyfriend is cheating she's liable to be angry with you for tearing her world apart - and you'll be labeled a gossip.

Honey, just because you're nosy doesn't mean you should tell everyone everything. That only shows you not only nosy - and not to be trusted - but a blabbermouth - and not to be trusted - and an attention hog - and not to be respected.

Keep out of both these frays - If you value your job - and your friendships - you will keep quiet.

Answer 2

As you're already somewhat aware, you need to balance your loyalties and duties. In general, staying out of the line of fire is the best policy; it's not your *responsibility* to tell. What will you gain by telling? What will you lose by not telling?

(1) What legal and ethical responsibilities do you have to your boss? In this case, I think he's already opened the issue by posting the position in a public forum. You *might* show the secretary the ad and ask her what's she thinks is going on. You may not know the entire story. For instance, could she be getting an assistant? A promotion? She may have private good news to relate. On the other hand, you could just wait out the situation, and be ready with a kind word if/when the axe falls.

(2) This is a no-win situation for you. Historically, the harbinger of such news takes a lot of the backlash. You *can* tell her what you believe you overheard, but you're not likely to help your own suit with her, no matter what else happens.
About the best you can do is wait it out -- if she finds out, breaks up with him, comes to your arms, and tells you about it some day, then you can take up what you believe you heard at the wedding.
Telling her now would require a lot of care and tact. Remember that her current loyalties are all with her boyfriend; you're just a guy she met at a wedding. Without the personal credibility, you're in a very weak position.

Answer 3

If your friendship toward the secretary is one where you can talk to her outside of the office then it may be appropriate to give her a heads up. Don't tell her while she's at work because it may come back at you. Outside the office she may be able to think things over before acting irrationally or inappropriately.

About the other subject---don't go there. Don't put yourself in a position where you are the one to tell an acquaintance that her dreams are busted. Nothing good can come from that for you. If that is a real problem in time she will find out.

Answer 4

You are not close friends with EITHER of these two people. It is not in your best interests to tell either of them anything, they will find out what you know, soon enough.

BUT - this is an opportunity to help them both, once the secretary gets fired and the wedding girl gets wind of her two-timing boyfriend.

For now - STAY OUT OF IT. Later - step in and be a good friend, if you feel led to do so.

Answer 5

Personally I would stay out of both situations. Obviously these are grown people and they need to learn to deal with there own lives. I know that it is hard not to tell, but, if you do you could end up in the middle of a nasty situation and that could possible be the worst thing for you. Just worry about yourself and the others will get what they have dished out sooner or later.

Answer 6

1. No. You actually have no proof of anything. The boss could have posted her job on craigslist because he's promoting her to your job and firing you! Keep your mouth shut. Telling her will only result in the boss finding out that you are indiscreet.

2. No. Keep your nose out of other people's business. You are only going to cause trouble. Find something more worthwhile to occupy your time.

Answer 7

I wouldn't say a word to anyone about anything you have posted. It is really none of your buisness. Unless it immediatly affects you and your well being DO NOT get involved. You say you are nosey so maybe you like the drama and attention of being in other peoples buisness and starting crap that you have no right to mention in the first place. It's up to you..

Answer 8

1) Pull her aside, make sure she wants to know..Tell her, after all its not your fault shes being fired. She'll be prepared to take the blow. Comfort her, and offer to help her find another job.

2) This ones a little tougher than the first one. Are you sure you heard him say hes cheating on her? You don't want to tell her, especially when it might not be true. Theres 2 scenarios...The first is..she'll get mad, she'll say "No, but he would never cheat!" That could put whatever you have in jeopardy. The second is..She'll appreciate you telling her, she'll be a little shocked. Now..I'm not sure if you should meddle, but put yourself in her position. Would you want to know? And, if so..make sure you also comfort her, and help her through the damage.

You have to learn not to be nosey..it could really alter whatever you have with this person..Careful..

Answer 9

Don't tell the worker and tell the chatting friend. She's not a friend so therefore you have no reason to be butting in, but she's someone you know and you'd rather not see hurt. Tell her. Let your boss do the firing as opposed to her quitting, you could be wrong no matter what the circumstances.

Answer 10

There is a time and a place for everything...reverse these situations and ask yourself if it was you would you want an acquaintace to tell you or would just rather she or he mind their own business...there is a line there that has to be crossed and you could be the one caught in the middle...so you have to decide if thats the position you want to put yourself in...good luck