What bad could from from it? The purity of our marriage has already been destroyed. And it would make me feel a lot better. In fact I don't even want to have an affair. I want to pay the skankiest ho I can find, and then come home and have sex with my wife without washing up.
If you tell me it's wrong, will the rage, jealousy, and pain ever go away on it's own?
2007-09-13 05:08:08 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm really hurting here.
2007-09-13 05:09:51 · update #1
That's quite a unanimous opinion from you gals. Thanks :). Part of me feels better just having asked the question.
2007-09-13 05:20:45 · update #2
I am very sorry that your wife devastated your relationship and betrayed you!! At this point you are so hurt and angry and I understand how that feels. The damage is done and retaliating really will not make you feel any better only worse because you are worth more to yourself than that. I realize that what your wife handed you was a dirty rotten deal but always remember that it was her choice and not about you! The question you have to ask yourself now is do I want to stay married to this woman and does she feel any remorse for what she has done? I don't care what problems a spouse may claim to have it does not give them the right to cheat and betray your trust in them. It all comes down to what you can accept and live with now? Can your wife truly cut all ties from the affair and how deep are her emotions connected to it.? Do you want to fight for your marriage and is it worth it to you? If you both want to keep the relationship you will need intervention to try and save it through marriage counseling. You need to know that her affair is truly over and that she is honestly sorry! You will have to get to the bottom of what her underlying problems are to prevent this from ever happening again! It will take a lot of work on both your parts before the rage, pain, and jealousy subside and the only thing that you can do now is learn if you can live with it? You will never forget and only time and how she treats you will make the difference. Always remember that two wrongs don't make a right and would only complicate the problems that you already have. It is not worth lowering yourself into the gutter because it will not make you feel less pain. Focus on you and know that you are a good person and deserve to be treated with respect and if your wife cannot give this to you and make amends somehow in your lives you may have to end the marriage with her.
2007-09-13 05:46:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Having a retaliatory affair will make you feel worse. It's not what you really want, you just want to get even. You don't need to put yourself at risk over her wrong doings. Are you going to stay together? The only way to truly heal from this, is to decide if you're going to stay or not. If you stay, you need to completely forgive her. Not bring it up, not dwell on it, not throw it in her face... really forgive her. If you cannot honestly do that, then you need to consider a break up. If you can't really get past it, if the rage, jealousy, and pain are too much for you to put away, it will poison your relationship. You didn't do anything wrong and your feelings are normal, and validated. She took this first step in the wrong direction, but the ball is now in your court. Good luck.
2007-09-13 05:25:43 · answer #2 · answered by outlandsishlady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess they should go ask their spouses if they think having an affair is no big deal. It seems because they told you their not religious that having an affair is an excuse IT IS NOT. Religion is a good start, but maybe you should ask them about LOVE and TRUST if they have any MORALS. Acting on lust can have long and lasting repercussions. Ask them how they would feel if their spouses was having an affair behind their back? They really don't need you to present them with a good argument against lying and cheating, cause they already know. This is a conscience thing either they respect themselves and their spouses or they don't...
2016-03-18 05:16:42 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me on this. She has already thought about you getting revenge in this manner. Therefore she is expecting it already as well. That is if she knows that you are aware of her activities. The thing to do is something that she is not expecting. This will hurt her more. You don't mention if there are children involved or not. If there are, then she will surely hold them against you in some fashion or other. If not, then you have a few options. If she is not working, then she is totally dependant on your income. If you have a bank account that she has access to, then I would change it. Maybe even withdraw every penny and close it. Then see a lawyer about a sepperation. Maybe over time she will understand just what she has done and decide to get her head straight. What ever that you should decide to do, make sure that it is not physically harmful to her. And by the way.... Just why would you put yourself through an std just to get even with her?
2007-09-13 05:31:30 · answer #4 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While, it is natural that you do want to retaliate when you are hurt, acting it out will only complicate things further.
You are not thinking clearly here. The purity of your marriage contains two parts, your faithfulness to her and her faithfulness to you. At this point only one of those is destroyed. The other is still intact. So the purity of your marriage is not completely destroyed, though it is not intact either.
If you wish to workout your relationship and salvage your marriage, it would be easier to start from where your marriage is right now, as opposed to where it will be if you destroy what is left of it.
You are hurt now, and mending your marriage at this point takes your wife's repentance and your forgiveness. By having a retaliatory affair, you will hurt her and then you would have to apologize and she will have to forgive you for your retaliation. You will double the damage to your marriage and increase the effort needed to repair it manifold.
Retaliation always makes reconciliation much more harder.
If you think doing it will erase the pain, you cannot be more wrong. It will increase your pain by complicating your life even more.
2007-09-13 05:36:28 · answer #5 · answered by danprem 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Want - no. To actually do it - YES.
It's not wrong to be upset...it's what you do with it matters. An affair will only make a bad situation much, much worse. Right now, it might seem like a good thing to do, but you will feel guilty for it.
If you want to save your marriage, don't do it.
Both of you should talk to a pastor or a counselor.
2007-09-13 09:34:22 · answer #6 · answered by Wayner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That isn't going to resolve your hurt feelings. If your wife has been unfaithful, you need to deal with that. If you don't think you can trust her again or cannot get past the pain, rage and jealousy, it would be best to move on instead of trying to pay her back.
You are hurting right now and obviously not thinking clearly. Would having sex with some skank really make you feel better? Would risking good sexual health be worth the risk of some STD? How about an STD that you could not cure?
2007-09-13 05:16:40 · answer #7 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The hurt will go away when you kick the 2 timing ***** to the curb.
Surely you've heard "2 wrongs don't make a right" She may have breached her part of the contract, doesn't mean you should too.
You can't seriously even be considering staying with her after this ,,,,, * Are You?*,,,,,
Dump that *****, you can never trust her again and she is influencing your judgment in a negative way, don't let her get you to be the cheating scum she is!.
2007-09-13 05:23:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So your wife had an affair and you want to have one to hurt her back.
Well, I don't see what I did as having an affair, but it made me feel damn good. I kicked my wife out of the house and started a relationship with a nymph. After about a year I end the relationship and my wife ended her affair (the man she was seeing was after all still married). I know I became more confident and independent.
2007-09-13 06:15:26 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not it isn't wrong to want to have an affair, but it is wrong to actually have one. You know that or you wouldn't have asked, you would have done it. Being enraged, hurt, and jealous are completely acceptable ways to feel now. Whether or not those feeling ever go away will be up to you. Are you willing to take time? We have to work through hard feelings, they do not go away on their own. Sorry.
Besides, finding a skanky chic will also increase your exposure to STDs. You want to get checked anyway, cause your wife cheated, but you don't want to increase exposure.
2007-09-13 05:19:09 · answer #10 · answered by DC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋