My wife is a fairly attractive woman - she's 22. I'm 23. We have 2 boys, 5 yrs & 20 months. We are going out to this club this weekend for her bday & she is excited and all. The thing is, she wants to wear provocative clothing, such as she has this dress that ties at her neck and shows all her back. I think it's inappropriate as most guys would drool over her & plus I think she should respect me and not look like an easy tag. If she were to wear something more conservative, I wouldn't have a problem. But I think she thirsts for the attention & I don't like it. I did let her wear something similiar like this awhile back - I had a problem with it but I didn't tell her anything, as I didn't want to seem over protective.
Do you think I have a right to have some limits with my wife or am I over analyzing this?
2007-09-13 04:58:43 · 39 answers · asked by Me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have NO right to tell your wife what she can and can't wear. If you didn't have insecurities or jealousy issues you'd be viewing this as an opportunity to show off your wife instead of finding it a threat. Shame on you.
2007-09-13 05:06:04 · answer #1 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 6⤊ 4⤋
You don't have the right to tell her what to wear, even if the attention is something she likes, as long as she's not gloating about the attention drawn to her, yeah, I wouldn't like it, but if she doesn't make a point of pointing out what and who else is gawking at her, maybe she doesn't even notice, and it's just your own insecurity, and a backless dress isn't too bad, not compared to the way some of these women dress out there. Personally, try to think of it this way, it's the lookers that are being disrespectful since it's obvious she's w/someone. But also, in a way, I didn't like your use of "I let her.....", she's your wife not your child, I went thru this w/my husband, (not the dressing) but you reference being "overprotective" that's fine, if you think she's getting "inappropriate" attention, bring along a jacket and suggest she cover for a few moments until whatever sleez is drooling moves on then let it go, not all guys are out there think gross thoughts, and you should be proud that after 2 children, your wife looks good and is confident enough to dress attractive...maybe it's for you...
2007-09-13 09:29:24 · answer #2 · answered by Dolly J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she is thirsting for attention either she is narcissistic or she is not getting the attention she needs from you. You can answer that question. Problem #2 you can resolve, Problem #1 you can't.
I believe parents of young children should not be out caroushing like they did when they were single or childless. You guys have two major things you need to be responsible for. Perhaps if it is to go dancing, don't do it all, night go for an hour or so, and leave the club.
Controlling yes, that said you probably better understand the gravity of acting like teenage hormone factory then does your spouse. She needs to grow up. But to some extent so do you.
How bout a nice dinner, a movie and an hour of dancing, then a walk in the moonlight and then home to the kids.
2007-09-13 07:23:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you like your wife to tell you how to dress, what you are 'allowed' to wear, etc? You should be thrilled that she is an attractive young woman and that she chose YOU to be her husband and the father of her children. Think about it - if you see favorable reactions to her from people around you, consider that they are probably envious of YOU. If you are with her, enjoy that attention. Just because she gets attention does not mean anything bad.
I have problems with the 'i did *let* her...' sentence. All adults make their own choices. It's not a matter of allowing or letting somebody do something. IMO when it comes down to that, it IS about control and controlling another person never is a good idea.
You might discuss this subject with her sometime in the future though and use comments like 'I feel' to convey your position about this. Don't use any blame or any attempt to *make* her do something.
2007-09-13 05:49:03 · answer #4 · answered by mommylicious 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have a right to tell her how you feel and she has a right to wear what she wants.
So just have a little sit down and tell her how beautiful you find her to be. Then tell her that she will be making the guys drooling and you will be left feeling insecure.
Its okay for her to want guys to appreciate her appearance. But it is not okay for her to flirt or encourage other men to buy her drinks. She should let people know she is taken, and that she is not available. She should spend most of her time with you. If she does this then that should help your security issues.
2007-09-16 07:53:12 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what, if I wore something like that my hubby would be THRILLED, especially if we went out to a club and I was giving him all this attention all gussied up and sexy....it makes him feel GREAT to have an attractive, sexy woman clinging on his arm, touching his face, drooling over him. What you are suggesting is that your wife will wear this sexy outfit and be talking to other men? Dancing with other men? Allowing other men to drool all over her, and you will be what, picking your nose all by yourself in the corner?
GROW UP. Women like to feel attractive and sexy, and if you are going to be there with her, you can pay her all kinds of attention and flirt with her etc. She would probably love your attention!
How often does she get to do this? She's only going to be young once, only going to be able to wear a backless dress like this while she's young, let her enjoy it and stop being such a jealous prude.
2007-09-13 05:42:23 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems you feel insecure about your wifes trustworthiness. Why not try looking at it another way. This is the woman you married and made a life-long commitment to and produced children with. If she looks attractive in clothing why not feel proud that this is your wife thats turning heads! If you can't get over your feelings of jealousy/insecurity you should definitely talk to her before going out. If you are honest about your feelings she should respect your honesty enough to tone it down a bit. Remember though, women love to get dressed up! This may be her only break from feeling just like Mom and she may actually be thinking about YOU finding her sexy and feeling proud of her! Talk to her!
2007-09-13 05:18:23 · answer #7 · answered by o 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
She is going out WITH YOU!!!
My hubby has no issues with what I wear when I am with him, in fact he incourages me to dress provocative.
He has ASKED me not to wear certain outfits when he's not around because he doesn't want me to have to deal with soem guy trying to grop me.
You have no right to set LIMITS. You can talk to her about it but there is nothing wrong with the dress you discribed. I have two like it, and I wear those without hubby around.
And every woman likes to know that she is still wanted by other men not to mention how young your wife is.
Let her have a little fun and she'll love you all the more for being "understanding" and "wonderful".
AND TO EVERYONE: Why can't a mom still be "hot"? It's ideas like that which men use as reasons for cheating. Men (including husbands) are visual creatures and like to see a woman take pride in her looks and want to look good.
I wish my hubby would try to TELL me not wear something because my responce would be "It was fine when we dated." and if he kept up I'd slap hell out of him and still wear the damn outfit!
2007-09-13 05:39:33 · answer #8 · answered by Spring 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you’re overanalyzing. As long as she’s not flirting with other guys- you should be happy that you have a wife who looks great and is confident to show off wearing attractive clothing. A bare back is not too much. I think you should have a concern if she were to be scantily covered, looking trashy- showing off too much cleavage or too tight clothes. Also, it depends on the type of place. You wouldn’t wear something too showy to church or a business function. But the bare back is just fine for a night out.
2007-09-13 05:23:50 · answer #9 · answered by RSJ 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yes, I think that you are being controlling. She should not have to pay for your being insecure. She is your wife, and will be out with you, and coming home with you. If you plan on being in this for the long haul then you might as well get used to the fact that people will look. It's human nature. But they don't have to act on their feelings. Give your wife some credit. Because even if you do convince her to wear something else, eventually she will get resentful and that will creat more problems. Relax and you two go out and have a good time!
2007-09-13 05:19:37 · answer #10 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Tuck your ego back inside your pants and let your wife be. If you TRUST HER, then it doesn't matter if she goes in there wearing a couple of band-aids, you know she'll be coming home with YOU, not some other guy.
It sounds like you have a problem with YOUR insecurities, and if your wife has never given you ANY reason to doubt her fidelity then you should just calm down and let her alone.
If you were asking this question with regard to a 13 year old daughter, I'd be all for it, but your wife is an adult and should be allowed to behave as one. So stop playing daddy.
2007-09-13 05:16:47 · answer #11 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋