Men only please....Why do some men physically abuse?

Question

Please answer this question as honestly as you can....no jokes or sarcasms please. Why do some men resort to physically abusing women and/or others? Were you abused as a child? Did you have a mother that did not love or nurture you enough? Did your father abuse your mohter? I'm just trying to understand. By the way, I was once in a very abusive relationship for almost 5 years where my mate absued me and blamed me all the time for his abuse. There was always as an excuse as to why he abused me. He wouldn't leave me alone after I left him. I've been out of that relationship for over a year now. I'm more cautious now when it comes to a relationship with a man. I know the signs of a batterer. Thank you for answering honestly.

Answer 1

I really don't know because i have never done that. But I think it does have to do with their upbringing.

Answer 2

Youre asking a very complex question. Now, I have never hit my wife, but sometimes she gets me to the point where I think I could. Some women call a man hitting a woman once abusive, but you are talking about being treated worse than a dog and being beaten often. A kind of chronic abuse. Thats a whole other story.

Youre problem is not that there are men like that, but that you attract them and support them.
5 years?? These guys make a woman dependant on them and then abuse them. You must do something to make yourself independant. Get some friends, get a job, make your own life complete and then find someone. That way you will have a little control instead of thinking "oh he beats me, but if I leave Ill have nowhere to go."

Answer 3

There is NO excuse for a so called man that verbally or physically would abuse a lady. The blame is the abuser not the person being abused. As a man who was raised by a mom who was often abused she raised me to respect women always. That is what it comes down too respect for the person you are in love with. Love will not cause pain in a way called abuse. Anger does that. Men do it because they feel the need for power and the need to exercise that power through abuse its primal in nature and sad in fact.

Answer 4

I am not a man but it really does have a lot to do with their upbringing. But....

First congratulations!!! You should be proud of getting out of a difficult situation, I am proud of you for doing that, honestly i am. It is very hard to do that sometimes and don't ever regret anything just learn from it which it seems you did so congratulations lady.


But you can even read physicological studies that prove that its the upbringing that give the tendency to be abusive. It seems dumb that if you watched your mother get beat and it hurt you so much to see it that when u get older you would that to someone else. But unfortunately some men grow up thinking thats the way a 'man' should behave and continue the vicious cycle of abuse.

Answer 5

My wife is the assistant director of a domestic violence shelter so I have some first hand knowledge of this subject (not an expert by no means though). Men abuse women for a variety of different reasons. All of the why questions you asked above are all relevant. At the heart of it though I believe is a "power" situation. The abusive man feels like he is king and anything he doesn't like he feels compelled to punish someone for. Unfortunately the wife makes the perfect victim. Typically most women want the image of a perfect marriage because no one wants to be part of a failure, so they will keep quiet and do what they can to please their husband and conceal his behavior. Then in a lot of extreme cases, their silence is what ends up putting them in the grave. Another thing you see happen is when a husband abuses a wife, he comes off with the reasoning of, "she made me do it." That is the biggest load of bull I have ever heard. Any man who feels the need to hit a woman because "she made him do it" is the lowest form of coward on the earth. I keep telling my wife that I wish her job didn't exist, because abusive homes (in my mind) is one of the most prominent reasons why our society has fallen from grace. Once a child sees it then it gets engrained in their nature, and it is hard to reverse.

Answer 6

I am a 50 year old man and have never been physically abused. That does not mean I can not give you some advice, though it is only my opinion.
There are a multitude of reasons why men abuse, a feeling of being inadequate, alcohol, drugs, unemployment, low self esteem, being abused themselves, peer pressure, unhappy marriage, uncontrollable children etc etc.
But basically they are cowards who can only vent their anger on someone who they know they can force into submission.
Look at the little loud mouth in the bar with all his mates around him. Take the mates away and he is ......... weak But at home with his wife he could still be a tough guy!!!! If you know the signs of a wife basher, then please tell every woman in Australia. There are no signs, it could be any man, but as soon as a man even thinks of hitting you CALL THE POLICE!!!!! No one deserves physical violence.

Answer 7

Because they are weak-minded individuals. And while no woman desrves to be hit, some women do provoke men to do something drastic. An ex would yell and scream and hit me and then call me a p**** when I refused to hit her back. Now, I did grab her butt and stuff her in a closet once. And I so wanted to shake the mess out of her, but I guess my mother was in the back of my head telling me not to.

Answer 8

Some were taught it... some just can't control their stress/anxiety.... and just being honest.. it is a part of our primal nature to lash out physically.. just look at little boys.. the first thing they want to do is hit.. then figure out the rest later. Most people grow out of this and learn to control themselves rather than lose control... some don't. Then there are those with a lack of self-worth that need to beat and degrade someone else so as to feel superior and better about themselves... imho those are the worst kind.

Answer 9

my dad abused my mom when i was young, slamming her head constantly into the shower door. almost a day 2 day basis.
in all of my marriages and or relationships i have never physically abused any of them, never even thought about it. during my first marriage in a heated argument my then wife said something to me and then said "go ahead hit me, u know u want to", truth is no i didn't wanna hit her, it never occured to me. but may i ask a question regarding that, y do women say stuff like that anyway, its almost like she wanted me 2 hit her.
after my second wife filed 4 divorce she accused me of physical abuse, it was winter and she had hurt her wrist (later she said she fell on the ice at her parents house with her friend), her atty had a dr look at her and the dr said he would testify in court that i had never touched her, they quickly dropped that claim. i guess its real easy 2 falsely accuse when a divorce is imminant.
i guess that in my case growing up watching abuse set me on a path of not wanting 2 ever abuse, and with my last g/f that came true. in 2 arguments on 2 separate occasions it was she who took fists to me while i was trying to walk out of the room 2 avoid confrontation, leaving visible bruses. no i'm not small, i'm 5'9 and 200lbs; she was 5"5 and 195; but i won't hit a female no matter what...call me a sissy if u want, i just won't.
i hope that somewhat answers ur question as its the best i have.

Answer 10

The same reason that women are abusive. A little of all of those things, or none of them, depends on the individual. I have never hit my wife, and hope i never will, but I had good parents who taught me respect for women. You will probably never understand why your boyfriend hit you, but you need to know that there are good ppl out there who wouldnt even consider abusing one another. Good luck fining someone who will treat you like you deserve.

Answer 11

whether it was caused by childhood occurences or not,
one would exrect an adult to overcome the past. Abuse,
in my opinion, is an off spring of a lack of respect for ones-
self as well as others. Abuse by either gender is so wrong,
but it makes me ill physical to know of a man with
so little feeling or respect that he feels justified in abusing
a woman or child.