I have been with my husband for almost eight years, since I was 15, we have a wonderful son who I adore, I love my son and my husband more than anything even though we do fight quite a bit, just about everyday things like money and family, we always get through everything, for the past few months Ive been having dreams about him leaving and me being with another man and usually its this guy I have not seen in years that I used to have a huge crush on... I do sometimes have feelings like would we both be happier apart considering neither one of us has ever really been in another serious relationship, I just dont know, anyone been in this same type of situation, what did you do, just suppress these feelings and move on, if you decided to split, were you happier in the end? any thoughts are appreciated!
2007-09-13 04:19:40 · 6 answers · asked by domsmom701 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I personally have not been in this exact situation, but can relate as I used to be married (to a woman who I realize was not right for me and we split for other serious reasons). During my marriage I came in contact again with an ex girlfriend who I truly loved. We both felt the attraction again. I was tempted to stray but I decided not to.
The reason for it was I had made a vow, plain and simple. You say you love your husband. It sounds like you have, all in all, a pretty stable and loving relationship. It doesn't sound like you go through abuse or anything. Is being tempted or curious worth risking throwing away a lifetime of love?
The truth is that life can take all kinds of twists and turns, and temptation can sneak up on you at any time. I have heard it said that love is not an emotion, but an act of will. You may be feeling curious, and bored with the routine of life. However this is a problem most marriages face sooner or later. You need to find a way to make it interesting again. Although you were young, you made that commitment to your husband, and you still seem to love him. You have been tempted to stray, you will be tempted again. That is just the way life is.
Your thoughts of this other guy probably are not specifically about him, but about the thought of being with someone else, the freedom to explore and so on. You never really got a chance to date and be intimate with other partners because you committed very young. However, I guess the truth is you cannot have your cake and eat it too. If you decided to separate, you would, no doubt, feel lost because you are so used to having a partner. There is a certain comfort in that. You may be seeing things with rose coloured glasses in terms of being free or with another partner. I am remarrying after being single again for several years, and then finally finding someone who I truly love, respect and like as a best friend. Believe me when I say, dating and starting over is no picnic.
You need to examine what is important, what your responsibilities are, and the potential consequences or outcomes if you decide to move on.
2007-09-13 04:40:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 8 years its very common to get a "7 year itch'.
Your thought are whether BOTH of you would be happier, not just yourself. This means you still care for him and his well being.
Feelings and urges can only tell you what you feel, but not the truth. You have a history together some good and some bad. You really really know each other and that is something that is very hard to replace.
I say accept the feeling/urge as an what it is, but don't act on it. Marriages last by the integrity and character of the people involved.
2007-09-13 05:38:16 · answer #2 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you have posted, you are not experiencing anything more than any other married couple. Money matters and family disagreements are not enough reason for you to move on to your "dream man." Give it some time and let things work themselves out. Breaking up a marriage and making things rough on a child over such issues would be immature to say the least.
2007-09-13 04:34:18 · answer #3 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are, it's the life circumstances and not your spouse that's making you unhappy. Therefore, being with someone else will not solve this dilemma. I suggest taking some time to learn what things work and what things don't to be successful in your marraige. Once the newness and excitement wears off of being with someone new, you'll be in the same boat. Best wishes and God bless.
2007-09-13 04:35:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are only dreams, dont look to hard into it. Try to work on happier times with your husband. Wonder is a lovely thing, reality is as it says REAL!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-13 04:28:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one can really answer this one for you. if you're happy and love your husband, then stay... dreams are just dreams, they don't mean anything. Talk with your husband about it... he's the only one who should be talking with you about this.
2007-09-13 04:25:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋