What is the deal with jealousy and insecurity these days? I have recently dealt with friends of mine having double standards concerning FRIENDSHIPS with other people. I believe it is healthy to maintain and create friendships, regardless of gender, for the purposes of support, fun, etc in work, day to day, and personal life.
Now, how is it fair for somebody to say they have have those friendships, but their spouse can't? Keep in mind, these are in no way romantic. Also, if you are somehow worried that they will BECOME that way, what are you doing to help feed and maintain your own relationship to prevent any chance of that happening? Saying that your spouse cannot have any friends of a certain gender just sounds petty and jealous.
I guess what I'm asking is do you think that it's normal and okay to let jealousy and insecurity control your life? When you consider it, people *choose* to stray or to be together, or that's how it should be. You aren't required to accept an advance.
2007-09-13 04:14:04 · 9 answers · asked by mommylicious 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree. I have more male friends than female friends (admit it...aren't too many girls just too petty and childish...I can't deal with it) that I go out with all the time without my BF, and he does the same. The only condition I have (and it obviously works both ways) is that they respect me and the relationship we have and that he not speak to a few girls in particular (I know the girls and they don't respect me, so I refuse to be ok with him going somewhere if they happen to be in the group as well...again, because they're petty and childish, but they travel in the same group of friends so sometimes its unavoidable.)
2007-09-13 05:26:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cultivating friendships is okay as long as you take your spouse along. Exclusive friendships with the opposite sex that don't include your spouse are where the trouble begins. Exclusive friendships can mean something is wrong in the marriage and the spouse is looking to someone outside the marriage for comfort and support and other needs, possibly. I think it's best, when one is married, to concentrate on the spouse, put them first, the two of you have a circle of friends that both know and like. You have to protect a marriage. Once married you are no longer a single entity, but a partnership. Exclusive friendships do nothing to nurture that partnership, they breed jealousy and insecurity because they take time away from your spouse, energy away from your spouse, time away from the marriage. It's better to have a circle of friends who are happy, mature people. The rules for marriage are different than the rules for singles. You can't have your cake and eat it too!
2007-09-13 04:37:22 · answer #2 · answered by gma 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy and insecurity should never be allowed to rule your life. When people are first married they still have lots of single friends of both genders. As time goes on, those single friends either get married or lose touch. Not because they stop liking the married friend but because they no longer have anything in common. Babies come along, other changes happen, so that as time passes most of your friends become "couple" friends.
Is it ok to have friends of the opposite sex? Sure, I have lots of male friends. I don't make lunch dates with them, or go to movies like I do with my girlfriends. I'm not tempted to stray, but it would be disrespectful to my husband. Both the male friend and myself wouldn't feel right about it.
Just like people can't look away from a car crash, they can't help but assume the worst when they see 2 people having lunch together. If someone saw me out with one of my male friends and not my husband....having a drink and laughing...they might assume (especially if it was someone who didn't know us well, or know who the male friend was) I was having an affair and start talking behind all our backs.
I wouldn't do that to myself or my husband. Again, that's just a matter of respect, not jealousy or insecurity.
2007-09-13 04:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by Nic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lol, i think of of Lee's answer would not make journey and is not any longer suggestions-blowing. "it quite is okay for adult males to have woman acquaintances yet no longer vice versa.. ?" ok what approximately those woman acquaintances of the guy ?!! you will likely want to define the be conscious friendship proper right here: i propose in case you go with to have acquaintances then this is better suitable in the event that they have been women spectacular. Even previous the non secular concept women have an inclination to be better suitable acquaintances , the completed "male, woman friendship concept" isn't absolute, by way of actuality swifter or later an extremely attraction may well be in touch. it quite isn't the factor although, i do no longer have faith Islam forbids a woman from contacting adult males that are incredibly no longer you be conscious of "husband or kinfolk" yet as long because it particularly is quite mandatory, or something that would desire to earnings you.
2016-12-13 08:02:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not normal to let these things control you. It causes more stress and harm to a relationship. Everyone needs friends, whether they be the same sex or not. I will not "get rid of" my friends just because I am in a relationship or married and would not expect them to do it either. Trust is trust and if you can trust your significant other, and they trust you, I say the more friends the merrier. We normally choose friends that can be trusted also. I feel bad for anyone who would think any differently.
2007-09-13 04:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that more and more relationships today are based on infatuation and therefore, there is no solid foundation. Out of infatuation comes your own desires and selfish needs. Out of love comes security and wanting to do things for the other person. If you love out of infatuation, you are going to be insecure and jealous because your love is not based on facts and what you know about the other person. If you share a mutual love with someone, you will know that their heart only belongs to you!
2007-09-13 04:20:08 · answer #6 · answered by katysru19 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your husband should be your best friend, if you have extra time that should be spent with your husband and not any male friends . It is never a good idea in a marriage to have seperate friends of the opposite sex. Your attention should be on him and your marriage not other guys. it is why so many marriages break up. Be best friends and make friends together. Those who play together will stay together.
2007-09-13 04:39:14 · answer #7 · answered by daisy322_98 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because if a married person is around someone of the opposite sex who isn't their spouse, they could get tempted into doing something adulterous. Even if they enter the friendship without expecting it to turn into something romantic or sexual, it could still happen: love and sex can sometimes be unpredicable.
Personally, I wouldn't want my future-wife to be friends with other men. I wouldn't want the man to get any "ideas;" same on the contrary. And I too will respect my future-wife by not having any friends of the opposite sex when we're married.
2007-09-13 04:24:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, it isn't okay. Jealousy and insecurity are both negative feelings that only bring people down. Both hurt and breed resentment and hate.
2007-09-13 04:19:54 · answer #9 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋