I still love my wife I think. I mean she was nasty to me, abusive, is being difficult through this divorce. I guess i remember marrying her and loving her. It's hard to forget how in love i was with her. I guess i'm hoping that person will return not the nasty one that has caused me so much pain. However i do realize i still love the woman i married but there's nothing i can do until she wants to try since she's the one that left (even though she's claiming i kicked her out and is lying). i tried dating other people but her and i knew each other like the back of our hands. What should i do? some days i'm weak and want to contact her but with all the legal stuff going on and how nasty this woman has become, i don't think that's a good idea. my lawyer says given her impulsiveness leave her alone but i want to tell her i still love her but i haven't had any contact from her. I'm realizing while dating other women that i still love her. help?
2007-09-13 04:13:09 · 6 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i mean if i contact her i don't want to get hurt again by her saying well i don't love you but she always told me i was the love of her life. doesn't seem like it now but i was. is there any possible way we could try. i mean we were married. i hold marriage sacred and i don't just marry anyone. what can i do? there's just so much negativity between us because of the divorce and lawyers but i still love her. i wonder if she feels the same? how can i find out without getting hurt?
2007-09-13 04:15:01 · update #1
Ahhhh....you can't find out wihtout getting hurt, that's the thing. But you obviously feel what you feel so it's worth the risk. I think when people truly feel what you are feeling it doesn't go away, even with time, we just learn how to live with it. Some days or even weeks are fine and then a bad day comes along. Life is hard and doesn't make sense sometimes, but I admire your honesty and wish you all the very best. She may never come around but maybe she will....it's worth that chance! Don't spend your life asking "what if".....
2007-09-13 04:37:50 · answer #1 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a good guy with a good heart. I realize that you have loving feelings for your ex. Sometimes we love people for all the wrong reasons. This has to do with our own sense of self worth.
You say that she was nasty and abusive. Why would you want that again? The reason is that deep down you have feelings that you will not do any better in life. There may have been real physical chemistry and attraction. That is great, but it can't make a whole relationship. You need to really look at how she treated you, and how it made you feel.
The truth is that I was in a similar situation to you. I dated a woman who I was so wrapped up in. She was completely wrong for me in so many ways but I held onto the things I really liked (she was a stunningly hot woman, but was so insecure and jealous). We married impulsively and it turned into a disaster. She ended it shortly after it started. Months later we tried to reunite. However, our old patterns came back quickly. We made a decision that we just needed to say goodbye because we were not good together and probably never would be. People essentially do not change. A couple of years later, I realized that it was doomed from the beginning when I looked back on the relationship. At the time I had just got so caught up in the emotion, passion and attraction that I completely did not consider emotional and spiritual compatibility.
I am with someone else now who I love even more and is good to me (and I am good to her). I look back on that relationship and realize all of the crap I allowed myself to go through was not worth it. The bottom line is that I did my homework about ME. I got comfortable with myself, alone and realized truly what I had to offer. I stopped fearing being alone, or willing to be with someone who would not offer me the respect and commitment that I would.
Be your own best friend. It is okay to have feelings for her but have feelings for yourself more. Take time to heal and realize the kind of person you really want in your life. The more you focus on feeling good about yourself, living, and allowing your confidence to grow, the less time or patience you will have for someone who does not treat you with the respect you deserve.
Go out, live and leave the garbage at the curb. Be proud of yourself and grow! You can do it.
2007-09-13 05:02:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT do it if you are not 100% certain. Cool off, put the date back, make obstacles and delay without making it look bad. Say a winter wedding and plan next year, then about may, say a summer one. It's not fair no, but if you're happy to have a relationship with him but think the wedding was a mighty big and unwise step, just cool it back down and see how it goes. It's either that or dump him, then you're going to be on here saying how much you miss him :( just slow it down a bit, maybe you do want it but are not ready yet. Slowing it down gives you time.
2016-05-18 07:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are going through. I went through the same ordeal. I was in a very abusive relationship including the fact that he was a coke head. Why do we still put ourselves through this? She sounds horrible and you need to try and let time pass without her. It will be hard at first, but stay away from her, tell friends and family you do not want to hear anything about her life. Sometimes we want the things we cannot have, including people. Time heals and you will be able to move on.........
2007-09-13 04:22:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't ever completely stop loving a person because you divorce them. But you do forgive and move on. Every day is a little better. Time heals.
2007-09-13 04:21:18 · answer #5 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
time, patience, and a little chocolate now and then...
2007-09-13 04:21:12 · answer #6 · answered by ogg08 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋