when and how should i introduce my new partner to my 4 year old child?

Question

thanks for all your answers...
However I am specifically looking for a time scale of when others would introduce a child to a new partner, ie after 3 months/ 10 dates etc etc
My situation is very complicated with my childs dad still in close contact. It is likely that he would attempt to interfere in (or attempt to control) my new relationship by talking to our child about it, and I do not want to do anything to upset or confuse my child, but i do not want my child to feel confused about a situation that he feels is going on, but doesn't know about yet. (I hope this is making sense).
Although I have only been dating my new partner for a while, I feel we have a connection and this relationship can go somewhere. We have already spoken about this together, and I have an idea, but I just wondered what others would do in my situation?

Answer 1

i would treat a new partner like a mate in front of the child no need to be all lovey dovey round the child just invite the partner round for tea some night and tell the child its a friend let the child get to know your partner see how they get on

Answer 2

When my husband and I began dating, his son was almost the same age as your son. The only thing that might be different is that I knew both him and his son even back when he was married to his ex-wife. I had babysat him, been to his birthday parties, etc. so his son already had bonds with me. What I would suggest in this situation is to not introduce your son to your boyfriend until you are sure that this is going to be a long time commitment. Nothing would hurt a child more than having to go through a break-up with you - children internalize everything, and you don't want your son feeling that BF left because of something that he did. When you are sure that this is going to be a long-term commitment, I would invite your son along on a kid-friendly date (or even better, have your boyfriend invite him to come along). Go to the park or the playground or something - if your son likes sports, maybe the three of you could take a soccerball out to the park and kick it around. But the most important thing for you and your boyfriend to remember is not to push your son into anything. Let the bond develop on it's own. And if your son's father is still in the picture, pushing him into developing a bond to this man can make him feel like your boyfriend is trying to replace his father. I guess the best advice I can give is:

1) Don't introduce your child unless you are sure that this man is going to stick around.
2) Let their bond/relationship grow (or not grow) on it's own.

Good luck!

Answer 3

The guy I've just started seeing has a fifteen month old child - and it's really important to me that I don't rush into meeting her. When i do it'll probably be somewhere she is familiar with, but that is neutral for us both. IE, a park or similar. I'm very aware of the fact that I don't want her mother to think that I'm pushing in, and being too over the top. But I want the child to feel comfortable with me. I'd suggest maybe going out for the day, something really child orientated, and take it from there!

Answer 4

I think you should just hold off, unless you see a future going with you new partner. I think you need to consider how long you and your partner has been together. If for awhile, then try to hang out and do activities together. Your 4 yr old really don't care right now or know what's going on. He just thinks he's your friend. So it's up to you, but make sure it's soon. You don't want to get to involved and then when time to meet your 4 yr old... there is no connection or he's not a kid person.

Just have fun and let nature take it place.

Answer 5

I went through this last year. It’s a tough age. If you introduce now, make sure that it’s done as a “friend” only and you don’t want any huge displays of affection in front of the child. The best thing is to wait until you know that the relationship is for the long-term. I would assume there’s a good chance that your child will like your guy and it would be sad if they formed a relationship and then it didn’t work out between you and him. Good luck

Answer 6

Well, you say 'new' partner.
I would wait until the relationship is stable. You don't want a bond to form between your child and this 'new' person and then have them just 'poof' out of your child's life. That can be hard on a person of any age but especially for a child too young to understand how and why this happens.
And when you do introduce them, make it casual and infrequent at first.
Let the child decide for him/her self whether this is someone he/she can take to heart. All good relationships take time.

Answer 7

When you feel comfortable allowing them to meet. When you know that it will be a long term relationship. You cannot have different ones in and out of your child's life....not saying that you do, of course. You should take them out to dinner and tell your four year old that he is your friend, and then see how they hit it off. Take it slowly so that the child will adapt well. Just don't throw it all out there at once like some do. If you take it slow, the child will be more likely to accept him and adapt to the new situation.

Answer 8

When you are pretty sure that she is the one you want and you are sure that you are the one she wants.
For that to happen, it takes getting to know the person.
The first 3 months are way too early. Unless you guys have really hit it off.
But I'd say when you have been together for 4 to 6 months, then yes, the chances are that you have seen a bit of each other and are comfortable around each other and know each other a bit; Enough to take the chance for them to meet the most precious thing in your life.
Good luck.

Answer 9

I disagree with several answers that say you need to wait until you are 100% sure this person is going to stay for a while. Part of getting to know you is getting to know your kid(s). Your partner also will have to decide if they want to be around for a long time and they cannot and should not do that unless they get to know your kids as well. You are a package deal now. It would be foolish for someone to make a lifelong or significant committment to you without knowing your kid(s). If you think there is a chance for long term then you should definitely allow your kids to start to get to know your partner. This revolving door idea applies if you are going to indiscriminately have men around who stay the night, etc...

Answer 10

I would have him meet you at a place the child loves such as chucky cheese etc.
Ive been there done that i was the kid.It is very hard because you feel as though the parent is going to ignore you once the new person enters your life.so Make sure he understands you love him and are not replacing dad or him its extra bonus in your life and his...and maybe the new guy can take him for pizza to ballgame etc.
I would wait til you have dated him awhile and knwo you are serious.