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I posted before re my daughter and her issues with my boyfriend. After discussion with her why she is upset with some things in our situation, she said he's too chummy with his ex for her.

My question is...how chummy is too chummy?

They do have a child together. They also work together. So there are ties that binds.

I have had difficulties with her asking him to do things, like call the Weed man for her, or go to the house to let painters in, or flooring men or the landscaper, etc. They went out to buy a bike for the son together then ended up having supper at a restaurant all three of them.

I know in this day and age of divorces being so common, that it is encouraged that 'exes' get along for the sake of the children, but are there boundaries and guidelines? I know couples where the new wife and the old wife are friends.

What constitutes 'getting along' and what is 'too chummy'?

2007-09-13 03:25:32 · 18 answers · asked by xxxxi 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Some of you had questions...
No - she doesn't have a significant other.
Yes - it bothers me and yes, we have discussed this. He's the one who says about other couples and we do personally know a couple where the ex hubby babysits the new hubby's baby for his ex wife and will have dinner at their place. That would never be my situation.
B/f does talk to his ex daily, often short calls like if she's working overtime can he pick up their son, etc. But yesterday I overheard her say to him..."hmm can't talk right now eh?" like they had this code if he isn't "free" to talk.
I agree his child is priority and for them to get along for the sake of the child is fantatstic, but doing small favours for her is above and beyond.
I just needed to hear if I'm being overly sensitive or not. I personally do not have a good relationship with my ex, who is now out of province.
B/f says he still wants to help his ex out = just because he doesn't love her doesn't mean they can't be friends.

2007-09-13 04:00:05 · update #1

And text messaging each other...is that over the top as well?

2007-09-14 09:37:06 · update #2

18 answers

Just because they have a child together doesn't mean she should be with him 24/7. Only when it pertains to the child should they have anything in common etc.. That is to chummy. I agree, it does sound as if they are dating. They see each other at the work place all the time? To much seeing each other for them to be no longer a couple. I feel some women will never be happy with the one they were with but yet they don't want anyone else to have them. And they use the children to put barriers on the new love interest in their lives. Your daughter has a right to be concerned, i don't understand why you don't.

2007-09-13 03:57:22 · answer #1 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0 1

I agree, it's too chummy. They need to stay on good terms, but this sounds like dating again---sorry, but I think your daughter is right.

When I was dating, it seems like so many cant separate from the ex---maybe its comfortable, after divorce they can talk again?--I dont know , but I didnt want to put up with it. You can bet that there is s------- going on. Sorry again. Why did they get a divorce if they cant stay away from each other? And now they want to get others involved and hurt others.

I would check into this more, but you shouldnt put up with ex's spending so much time together and too chummy again. He'll
tell you , its just your jealousy working overtime--but, get ready for him to lower the boom. Good luck.

2007-09-13 03:39:58 · answer #2 · answered by skyward 4 · 1 0

It's too chummy if it bothers you. If you are friends with her and you have no issues with this, then it's fine, but if you feel like a third wheel instead of his main focus, then it's too much.

With your added details, I think this is a man with too many coals in the fire for me. I can except that they will always be a part of each others lives because of their child, but I'm with you. There are limits to that relationship. I think your daughter has valid points. If you don't want to share your man, then it seems this one isn't for you. Whoever he ends up with him is going to have a mind as open as space and the patience of a saint. I couldn't deal with it for long if this was me. They probably do talk more than you know, if you heard her say that.

2007-09-13 03:32:16 · answer #3 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0 0

What you have described goes beyond getting along...just a little too chummy for me. Yes they will be bonded by a child...and they work together...but why on earth does she feel that he has to call the weed man, let repairmen into the house and have supper together? More importantly why does your boyfriend comply with all this?

2007-09-13 03:34:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Personally, that’s just too chummy. Does she have a significant other? I think that makes a big difference. You’re in a tight spot. I wouldn’t say anything right now, because it hasn’t gone to an extreme. But, many more of those dinners- then I’d bring it up that it makes you feel a little uncomfortable. It’s weird that they work together.

2007-09-13 03:49:15 · answer #5 · answered by RSJ 7 · 0 0

1, she either wants him back, or 2, he wants her back, or 3, she just wants to break you both up yet does not want him back, and 4... all of what you said above is just too chummy... yes, they should be cordial for the sake of the child... talks about the child before and after visitation are fine...but, only with you around... that my opinion... unless there is a real emergency during the week... and that's that... ok, so the child is asking why mom and dad are not together? then, they should be told, it should not be pretended that mom and dad are going to get back together again! and it should not even be a belief as such... or she uses the kid to get him around her, and it has to stop... good luck! and he should not keep you around just in case it does not work out w/ the ex...

2007-09-13 03:47:06 · answer #6 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0 1

First thing, Do not over text her. She will get annoyed and if you keep telling her "TAKE ME BACK I LOVE YOU." Learn here https://tr.im/ZeTfA

She will not want you even more. You need to show her that you don't need her and can live your life without her. She still cares about you I am sure. Maybe try "flirting" with other girls around her to make her jealous. I know its bad, but if i saw my ex flirting with someone else it would make me REALLY ANGRY. However, you still need to show her you care about her too. Show her what she's missing and remind her of it. Be confident and don't show your broken heart. Try ignoring her? Girls hate that. You want her to come to you. Once she does this YOU have all the power.

She will realize what you mean to her and she will hopefully come crawling back. (I am in the same situation as you, except I am the girl trying to get my ex back). Try not to be so clingy and give her space. But try to be around so she sees you, but don't talk to her much. Keep convos short and if you txt her, which you shouldn't, then also keep it short and bland. This will be hard to do because you just want to let her in your life again, but you can't. If you show her that you are desperate to get her back, she won't go for it. Make her come to you and REMIND her of all that she is missing out on. Hope this helps. And trust me, I know how you feel. Girls usually come around easier than guys so you should be lucky. ughh wish i could say the same.

2016-07-20 01:13:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Wow, sounds like my problem with my husband's and his ex. I'd say talking about personal things it way too chummy, but talking about their kid is reasonable. Make sure there are boundaries now before she starts dating or gets married again--her new man in her life will have problems with it, I promise. I am the new woman in his life and I have huge issues with it. When they started talking about bank account things (she does not even have access to it!!!) and not the kids' report cards that's when there's a problem!!

2007-09-13 03:52:55 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Pea 1 · 0 0

I understand there is achild involed. i too am in the same predicament. However, i do not bother my ex for anything at all that doesn't have to do with our child. what you said about her calling him for favors, to me is out of the question. have you spoken to him about it? if you haven't maybe you should. i would say he is having his cake and his pie!!! there are still feelings there. doesn't this bother you?? they are more together than you and him!! Getting along means not fighting with each other, not yelling or cursing at each other. too chummy??? that is exactly what your man is doing!! Put your foot down! talk to him if you can't come to an agreement, then maybe you should consider going separate ways. let me know how this turns out. Your daughter sees it, WHY DON'T YOU??

2007-09-13 03:40:25 · answer #9 · answered by jpoveda2000 3 · 1 1

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/TayIk

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

2016-04-28 21:16:46 · answer #10 · answered by valda 3 · 0 0

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