I want to leave my husband for a while?

Question

I want to leave my husband for a while. I have made him leave a couple times before and he knows that because he has to live with his mother he will eventually come back and things will be ok for a while but then back to the same old junk. We have been married for alomost 8 years. I have two children 13 and 16 and when we get along we really get along but when we argue we really argue and most of the time it is how I am raising my children he thinks I shoul dbe more strict and i think if you don;t allow them to make some decisions and mistakes on their own they will never make it in this big old worl of ours. we started arguing on sunday it is now thursday and he has been giving me the silent treatment since then. i think if i pack my things and leave perhaps it will give him a wakeup call that i am not going to continue to put up with this crap anymore i love him very much but i cannot live the remainder of my life with these up and down moods do you think leving will wake him up

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you're both stubborn and hard headed, like my husband and I. :-) I have one thought, not sure if this will help, and I don't want to tell you how to do things, but why not talk to him and put it just like you put it here. Being that they are your kids in all, and I know he is helping too, but just explain it like this. Tell him that while you appreciate his advice and trying to help, this is how you feel and what you think. You may butt heads, but it'll be easier if you could just explain the way you think instead of just start to put your fists up. Good luck to the 2 of you, and I don't think you need to pack, just have a calm talk.

Answer 2

Leave? What? What are you planning on doing with the kids? Do everything you can, but do not leave. Your husband has left before. If it gets really bad, I guess he’ll leave again. You stay put. You say that you love him very much. I think what you want more than anything is for the marriage to work and stay together. Is there any way that you can go to him and tell him that you want to have a discussion and treat each other civilly and with respect? It seems like the only problem is the difference of opinion on parenting issues. That’s completely fixable. You need to focus on the issue at hand, and not turn it into a contest or personal digs and attempts to hurt each other. Every time someone walks out of the household, it’s harming the relationship, breaking it down. Then things may be patched up later, but there’s still unresolved issues and feelings of hurt. If you guys can’t work it out- ask each other if the relationship is worth it- it seems as though it is- and get counseling. Again, this seems as though it’s very fixable. Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't really think that you leaving for awhile is going to solve any of your problems. I don't think that a person should leave someone to give them a "wake up call". If you leave, you should leave because you have every intention of not coming back. And its really the only way that he will take you seriously when you do leave. I was only married for 4 years but in that time I left 3 times. And the first 2 times that I left, I gave in to him and I came back and things changed for awhile. We even went to counseling. However it didn't last.
The last time I left was for good. And we get along 100 times better than we ever did as a couple.
If you leave, leave for the right reasons, and don't go back. If you love him. Try to work it out. Go to some workshops on parenting teens together, go to marriage counseling. Try everything that you can to improve the quality of your life together. Otherwise leaving and coming back continuously will just cause resentment between the two of you and won't solve anything.

Answer 4

I wouldn't make any rash decisions or things could backfire and you could make it worse. You love him. That is the main point. Love is the cement that holds a relationship together. Yours is obviously fairly solid or you wouldn't still be together. Maybe you should question what is making you argue. Is it just the kids or is there some other issue you have been having (i.e. such as money worries etc). Men are not always the best communicators and feel uncomfortable (even with loved ones) when questioned. I think if you are arguing about little silly things you obviously need some time away. In my opinion, you sound as though you BOTH need time away from the kids. Try to steal a weekend away together. A relaxing break where you can chat (away from your normal life and away from your usual surroundings). Go out for a nice meal, get dolled up (that always gets their attention). Be teenagers together and do something naughty. Remember it takes two to tango. Usually when couples row about other people, it is because they need some time together, NOT time apart. (Plus don't blame him for going to his mothers - that's what men do)!

Answer 5

Strangely it sounds like liberals vs conservatives,

but anyway if the debate is raging over your kids and you love the man, leaving or staying ain't gonna solve anything....whether you come back is another issue,

Make a list of reason y'all debate
eg . son hangs out with wrong crowd
kids talk back....
poor grade in school....
and whatever
about and head on over to you local friendly counselor and get the guidelines worked out. Who knows both of you could be wrong. The situation is always unclear to the parties involved. Yea it may cost a buck or 2 but its that versus you moving out and kids becoming worse....kids need 2 parents all the time more than anyone ever know especially their mother. pls go to a professional, your parents are gonna give you the
"I knew he was a rotten apple" speech.

Will you fight again YES!

its a marriage

Till....Part i believe it goes

Answer 6

No he will get better for a while like you said and then do the same thing over again. Most men dont understand why us mothers are the way we are. Its hard raising kids especially teenagers these days, lucky for you, they are teenagers, that means before long they will be in college or something, but out of the house. He should just look at that fact and let you be a good mother while they are at home. Try to relax more, if you know you are a good mother, I wouldnt worry about his comments or how he feels about it. dont argue, give him the silent treatment.

Answer 7

I done did that, and came back to him, which is my husband. I had a probably with his daughter which stay with us for a whole year. We just argue and saying these to each other, which we shouldn't have done. We would go for weeks without speaking, where that cause the kids to stop talking to each other. He belittle me so bad in front of his daughter, I left for 1 month, he would call me at my sis house saying we need to work out this problem, he love me and misses me, he say he didn't realize that I am his other half and he couldn't do without me, because of the women I am. I told him I love him also, but I told him he need to change his nasty ways. I am your wife and shouldn't be treated this way. So I ended coming back home it been a month now everything is a lot better, I have to show him that he have a good wife at home and I deserve to be treated like a wife should be treated.

Answer 8

Leaving each other on a regular basis is really not healthy for a marriage. You guys need some counseling.
Do these kids have a father that's in their lives or is your husband bearing the responsibility of supporting them? What is their relationship with him like?
Get a neutral 3rd party in to listen to your issues and help sort them out, or end it once and for all.

Answer 9

I think you should respect your husbands thoughts about discipline or at least come to a mutual understanding. He's helping support them and raise them but because their not his he can't have an active role in disciplining? He's hurt right now and feels disrespected that his wife he took on with two children won't give him a say on this. All I'm saying is talk it out and come to an agreement. Wish you and him the best.

Answer 10

How long do you plan on staying in this cycle...where when things get rough....you send him away? You two need to talk about what is appropriate discipline. I have two daughters that are the same ages...they live with their father...but they do stay with me and my husband from time to time. I am fortunate because I have a couple of awesome daughters who are behaved and very seldom need any discipline. You are right...you can't be too firm and strict with your children...I have taught my kids that for every action they do...there is a reaction....and that they have to be responsible for the choices they make and to be prepared for the consequences.