My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, he is recently divorced, and shares 3 daughters w/ his ex. We spend weekends and nights together often, but when his children are with us, he doesn't act like we are a couple. We bought a boat together, my name as primary, and the boat is at my house. His children think the boat is solely his. What is going on? His children are rude to me at times, and he doesn't correct them. he thinks telling them we are a couple is "cramming things down their throat." Their mother lies to them, told them she had a 2nd job, but was really sneaking around to see a man she worked with. So it is ok for the mother to date, but not the father? Please tell me what I am not seeing here????
2007-09-13 02:55:11 · 16 answers · asked by MGrnl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's just not ready to "come out" to them yet. You don't say how long they've been divorced or how old the kids are but those are factors in this too. You need to share your concerns with him but be patient. A little at a time this will get better for you.
If those kids are rude to you, correct them like you would any other kid who was rude to you. You don't have to wait for him to do it.
2007-09-13 03:02:33 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
LOL...you can live as a couple by spending the night together but your boyfriend acts like you aren't a couple? And doesn't want to cram it down their throat that you are a couple? I don't know how old his girls are...but they can't be that naive. The only reason that the girls think the boat belongs to their dad..is because he told them the boat was his. He allows he children to be rude to you...not a good sign!! If the two parents are divorced there is nothing wrong with introducing someone they are supposedly seriously dating. I don't think the mother should be introduce the guy she works with to the children...doesn't sound serious.
2007-09-13 03:07:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You may want to rethink this whole relationship. If he is not willing to tell his children that you are a couple after a year, just when will he?
My friend married a man who has 3 children from a previous marriage and he didn't even tell his family when they got married! NONE of his family were at the wedding.
Guess how well they all get along?!? The step children hate my friend and she is none too fond of them and the marriage is a big, fat mess!
My point is, if he is not willing to tell his children that you are special in his life and allows them to treat you with disrespect, do you really see this changing some magic day?
2007-09-13 03:09:09 · answer #3 · answered by haleigh's mom 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it's odd he would include you in activities with the kids, but not yet introduce you as the girlfriend... however, when i dated after divorce, my kids never met anyone i was with except my husband... which wasn't until after i knew him for almost a year....
kids have a tough time with divorce, and if they are rude or mean to you, this isn't unusual, but it shouldn't be allowed.
you can always mention to them one at the time, when you are alone, that you realize their parents' divorce was hard on them, and that if they need someone to listen, you will. you could also tell them that you know their father is Number ONE with them, and you respect that.... at least they'd have something to think about, and might see you in a new light. kids tend to see the other woman as someone who is trying to steal their dad....
divorce is painful for children, especially the older ones... it leaves scars for years sometimes. kids even think it's their fault much of the time.
you can find more information by doing a yahoo search on CHILDREN OF DIVORCE, STEPPARENTING. maybe that would help?
2007-09-13 03:25:09 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are his kids & as hard as it might me for you he just does not want them to see that next step in his life.
When he is ready he will let them know. You never know they may have had a real hard time with the divorce so he does not want to put his kids through that any more.
You may want to bring it up to him to let him know that you feel a little out of place at times. So that he can try to be sure that you don't feel this way when the kids are around. ut he should correct them when they are not being nice to ANY adults.
Good luck!!
2007-09-13 03:54:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean by he doesn't act like you're a couple when they're with you? Do you mean he's not slobbering all over you all the time? He will tell them when he's ready. Be glad he has their best interests at heart--not a whole lot of people do in this kind of situation.
2007-09-13 03:19:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is it even discussed who's boat it is? Kids shouldn't be involved in that stuff, or are people talking around the kids when they shouldn't? Someone needs to put those kids in their place-
As far as mom lying so she can date- that is her prerrogotive. If I was her, I would do the same thing.
If he is not disciplining his kids, that is also his choice- but I would not stay with him. 3 teenage girls is what's in your future- and
that will be HELL. Move on.
2007-09-13 03:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by The Grand Inquisitor 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Respect your boyfriend's wishes on how he wants to present things to his children, and if they are disrespectful to you and he does not correct them, by all means, let them know that you don't put up with that type of attitude. There is no rule that says you can't let kids know that you won't stand for certain behavior. You know, you teach people how to treat you, if those kids are walking all over you and neither of you do a thing about it, then that's what they will always expect they can do with you. If you stand up for yourself, they will know that you don't tolerate their crap. If he gets on your case about it, simply tell him that you don't let any children regardless of who they are talk to you in that manner etc. You aren't supposed to be a doormat all for the sake of love, if you aren't a good match, move on!
2007-09-13 03:03:19 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
is he waiting to have youngsters ? and if so if yous had akid at the same time would substitute issues for the extra suitable.may well be he continues to be attempting to get to apply to it ,or in some situations the 1st month or 2 your intercourse existence advance into super and has fairly declined of the previous few months and is dropping intrest and is in all threat getting bored stiff planing dad to a distinctive mans youngsters .who knows yet u sound like an excellent ma so with or devoid of him you nonetheless be fantastic
2016-10-04 12:13:29 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I have been where you are!! We were actually living together and the kids would come over on the weekend. He wouldn't kiss me, hold my hand, and he slept out on the couch. Mean while, I was playing step mommy to these kids...feeding them, bathing them, doing their laundry...etc. I finally had enough and told him "I'm good enough to take care of your kids, to cook and clean for them and to wipe their behinds, but I'm not good enough for you to tell them 'I love her'??" My words must have hit him like a bus because he told them that day.
2007-09-13 03:06:38 · answer #10 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋