been married for 12 years and she has fully admitted that she has never truly loved, respected or trusted me. (she confessed she trusts NO man) We are intimate MAYBE 5 to 7 times per year (since day one) and we were virgins when we got married. Well, told her i was tired of being roommate and she went histarical with the crying and laying guilt on me. We have been to 4 to 5 marriage counsellors and nothing has changed. She vows she will now change and be the wife i have always wanted. Sorry to say this...maybe i am selfish...but i am done. She pleads for me to stay, pressures and guilts me, using the kids to make me feel horrible.
Well, she says she will NOT sign divorce papers. Why i dont know. Should i believe her and try to work on the marriage? My family is on HER side not mine. (strict mennonite religious beliefs are whats driving them)
2007-09-13 01:35:06 · 21 answers · asked by Jason F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She doesn't have to sign the papers for the divorce to be final. She's just manipulating you and she should be shot for using the kids against you. Ask her what she wants that would make her sign the papers? But tell her if she doesn't it just makes her look bad, not you. Which could effect custody.
2007-09-13 01:42:43 · answer #1 · answered by Shel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are definitely in a touchy situation. I think if you two have tried to work on your issues and it is simply not working, its time to take another approach. If she refuses to sign the divorce papers, why not start with separation. I'm not sure why she won't sign the papers if she has admitted that she does not trust you and never truly loved you but if there is no love then there is no marriage. Try the separation first, get a apartment and make sure you keep in touch with your children. Maybe the time away will either bring the marriage closer or bring a true realization to both of you that divorce may be the best option. Good luck, I hope everything works out okay.
2007-09-13 08:42:29 · answer #2 · answered by Summer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but, I say leave if after 12 yrs things didn't work out there not going to .don't let anyone use the kids for an excuse either the kids know whats going on and if you 2 are not happy it will affect the kids too. if your not happy and u feel like she's not trying then leave .a wife/hus should do everything that is supposed to be done in a family make sacrifices ,do things you don't want to etc. whatever it take to make your mate happy . it will be hard at first but trust me there's nothing like being at piece with yourself. be strong but think about making you happy that's the most important thing.
2007-09-13 08:51:27 · answer #3 · answered by SYNCERE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want a divorce, file for divorce and leave. She can sign the papers, or not sign them. Doesn't matter. You surely know you will have financial obligations; so if you're prepared to meet them, get out of this marriage. And don't worry about whose side your family's on. YOU have to live with this woman, not them. You are not being selfish. You have a controlling, manipulative wife who has no intention of changing. She takes you on the guilt trips to keep you from leaving. Don't let her do this to you anymore. Be sure you're ready to leave; and if you are, go on and do it. Hopefully, you will find happiness in your life. Best wishes.
2007-09-13 08:49:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it Jason after 12 years she hasn't changed what makes you think things will change now? They might for a few weeks or months but you and i both know she will go back to her same routine if she didn't love you the first 12 years why would she start now, she sounds like a control freak that has lost her control and is now making empty promises. Good luck i hope it works out for the better.
2007-09-13 09:45:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tuffie, I know your situation, I've been there. Assets and children come in to play here. She is afraid of losing the home, children and such. But if any of that is not the issue, then you can stay separated for 1 year and get a divorce without her signature. You may also ask an attorney about alienation of affection in the marriage.
2007-09-13 08:43:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough situation. I can understand how difficult that must be. Very strict moral values of any religion can take a toll on any marriage. If your wife won't sign the divorce papers then I don't know what to tell you. Perhaps she needs to go to individual counseling to figure out what is making her unwilling or unable to change. If she truly wants to save your marriage, she'll do it.
2007-09-13 08:39:03 · answer #7 · answered by Kitten 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No way any of us can tell you what you should do, you have to figure that out for yourself. But her refusal to sign the papers doesn't mean that you can't still get a divorce...it just means its a longer more expensive procedure.
But I have to wonder how miserable the both of you must be to be married with no love, respect or trust. 3 major mainstays of any marriage.
2007-09-13 08:46:11 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want a divorce, you can do so without her having to sign anything. You'll have to take it through the court, but go for it.
Once she has you back and believing that she will change, you will be right back where you are now within a year. She won't change and has no intention of doing so. You're wasting your time with her - move on.
2007-09-13 08:41:42 · answer #9 · answered by Somethingtotry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So what if she wont sign them. Doesnt stop you from leaving? Its not as though you want to marry someone else tommorrow.... just leave.. shell get the hint sooner or later. chances are shell find someone else first and be knocking on your door with signed papers.....ahh payback time...she is just playing games.... isnt she the one who said she didnt ever love you. Dont let a bunch of religious nutters ruin your life. Its time to look after yourself now, and maybe have a little fun.good luck.
2007-09-13 08:51:51 · answer #10 · answered by blerchus4incapet 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋