One of my best friends had a kind of messy break up with her boyfriend of 5 years. She is trying to make it as clean as possible but its complicated. I knew her boyfriend and even though he is her Ex-boyfriend now I still want to be friends with him! I'm completely neutral, I refuse to pass any information from one party to the other, they have to do that themselves. But my friend seems to have such a problem with it. She broke up with HIM and she doesn't own him! I'm trying to explain that to her nicely but it really seems to bother her a lot that I continue to talk to him. I hope I mentioned everything... but what should I say to her to get my point across without risking our relationship?
Just an FYI: I'm engaged to a guy I've been with for 3 years, so there is no chance of a more than friends relationship with her ex-boyfriend.
2007-09-13 00:32:20 · 9 answers · asked by Veronica 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
This can be a sticky situation, I've faced it myself. You have to make it clear to her that even though you want to remain friends with her ex, you'll never betray her confidence, and you'll never discuss her when he is around. Having dealt with this myself a couple times, this is the approach I took. It's usually hard for your female friend to deal with at first, but as long as you are there for her, she will accept it. At least, if she is a true friend. It won't be easy, this is always a tough situation to be put in.
2007-09-13 00:39:41 · answer #1 · answered by GirlsRGamers2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telll her that you have a enough common sense to pick good people to be friends with. Example her. and just because her relationship didnt work out, she knows that he's a good guy, or she wouldnt have stayed with him so long. In time they might all be friends again , so you dont want to choose sides and then by chance they get back together. Then you look like the bad person. A good friend never makes you choose.
2007-09-13 01:29:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it isn't fair, but sometimes we have to make choices in our life, based on who is in our life and what is going on at the time.
To remain loyal, sometimes you have to make difficult choices, and then....live with the consequences. We can't always have our cake and eat it too.
Your friend is hurting over this breakup. Your talking to him makes it harder fore her to get over things and it associates you with the pain she's feeling, and it probably makes it worse.
Maybe back off for a while, and perhaps let your friendship with this guy simmer, and keep it more discrete. Then, after a time, maybe your friend will be a little more amicable about your friendship, and she may even see it in her heart to be friends with him again too.
Just be a little more sensitive to your friend's feelings and what she's going thru and maybe things will work out for everyone.
:)
2007-09-13 01:00:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't really be his friend. That breaks the unwritten girl-code. But since you choose to be, try this:
Reassure her that you don't want into her ex's pants, to put it bluntly, but you are friends with him and don't really see that changing. That doesn't mean you don't support her, it just means you don't -not- support him.
2007-09-13 00:38:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that if they were not compatable as a lover they can still be compatable as afriend, she should always learn to forgive and keep the past behind her so it wont weigh her down. Let her know that once a friend always afriend.
2007-09-13 01:25:27 · answer #5 · answered by Asher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just because she has broken her relationship with her guy does not mean all his friends have to break away as well.. that is the problem when couples break up both expect thier friends to take sides.... i say good for you to be neutral , remind your friend that what she is trying to do is to dictate to her who you can be friends with and that is wrong ..
2007-09-13 00:42:11 · answer #6 · answered by tinkerbell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what the heck, sorry but your friend is stupid. tell her .. what happened with you and him - happened and now its done. nothing happened between me and him and nothing will, i am engaged and he is a friend. im not going to stop being friends with someone because YOU broke up with HIM and feel "uncomfortable" with me talking to him, too bad. dont like it, dont care. ..
trust me. if your friend is going to act that way and be mad at you. then you do not need a friend like that.
tell her to grow up. simple.
2007-09-13 00:38:44 · answer #7 · answered by ms.trinuh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your choice, its either you want to risk losing your female friend or not. Of course she is mad, who wouldnt be if you were in that situation.
2007-09-13 00:38:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont b his friend that is wrong ever heard of "unwritten laws" well ur violating them :D
2007-09-13 00:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋