My son has slept with me and my wife, (his stepmom) in our bed regularly (most of the time) until recently. She did not complain initally and he slept with us from 2 yrs. old until 7 1/2. My wife could not take it anymore and I gradually discontinued to let him sleep with us. He has slept with us a few times recently. Once in a while ( every 7-10 days), I go to his room and cuddle up with him in his bed, on nights when me and my wife are not having sex , or sometimes when we have an arguement . I still enjoy holding him and we both enjoy the serenity of being together. She wants it to stop entirely (afternoon naps still o.k.with her) She says it is not good for for my son to be sleeping with us or me alone anymore. I think I should still be allowed to sleep with him sometimes in his room. Who is right?
Note: My wife has 2 kids from a prev. marriage (now 12 and 16 yrs. old) who live far away and she has seen only twice in the last 6 years, but calls them regularly.
2007-09-12 21:23:40 · 22 answers · asked by mounthukeeguy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Uh hello???? Your wife is right, your son is old enough to be sleeping in his own bed not yours AND the "I still enjoy holding him and we both enjoy the serenity of being together" scares the crap out of me.
From the outside looking in I think you are going to scare alot of people on here tonight with this question.
2007-09-12 21:33:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 3⤋
I'm not sure about other cultures, but here in the western world this is not the norm, and eric the red is right that child psychologists have repeatedly said it is damaging to a child's development. The fact that you leave your marital bed to go cuddle with your 8 year old son signals that there is a very big problem here. I'm not saying you are a pedophile or anything, but the majority of people who hear your story will certainly think so. That's what your wife is for. In a couple of years your son will start masterbating even. Will he do that in your bed too? I'm afraid you are doing some serious psychological damage to your kid and he's going to need therapy. And not to be mean or anything, but I believe you need it too.
2007-09-13 01:41:37 · answer #2 · answered by meagain 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't matter that her children don't live with her. She is right in saying to you that what you are doing isn't right.
I was actually having a chat with my son this morning. He just turned 7 and I was teasing him about what age he thinks he should not sleep in my bed any more. He told me 8!
But truthfully he doesn't sleep in my bed. Just occasionally if he has a nightmare or is ill.
For me, it was important that my children slept in their own bed as early as possible.
I am a single mum. But even when I was married, I wasn't allowing it. And when I started living on my own, he had a hard time when he cried many nights to come and sleep with me and I wouldn't let him. Only occasionally.
Your son is growing up. He needs his own space.
It won't do him any good that you keep him like a 2 year old cuddled up in your arms.
It will prevent him from developping properly.
As for yourself, you are an adult, and it's your wife you should be cuddling at night, not your 8 year old. He should most definitely not be sleeping in anyone's bed at his age!
2007-09-12 21:38:43 · answer #3 · answered by Kc 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
No it is not okay to let him sleep in the same bed with you and your wife, only once in a while if he is having bad dreams.
Naps I would even try to put a stop to that for him and you both.
You will have some major problems later on if you don't.
On top of that why do you like to cuddle with a little boy? Just don't sound right to me.
You can still show him love and affection during the daytime by doing other things with him.
2007-09-12 23:57:13 · answer #4 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should absolutely NOT do this. It WILL affect him if he ever wakes from it. Also, your son is 10 and needs to sleep in his own room/bed. Not only do you and your wife need privacy, but your son needs to learn that it's not healthy for him to sleep with you at this age. Not on a regular basis. Get the boy a night light and get a lock on your door.
2016-05-18 03:55:14 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice, if you had been a woman sleeping with her daughter no one would have called you a perv. People are so judgmental. No proof required, just good ole imagination. Morons.
My son did not sleep in our room with any regularity. When his mom and I divorced he was 9. He started sleeping in my room very regularly. I allowed it for about half a year and then told him it was time to sleep in his own bed again. It took a couple of weeks of telling him no every night before he stopped asking. I think you are at a point where he should spend nights in his own bed.
2007-09-13 09:55:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its important for children to start to form a sense of Independence at a younger age so they can discover who they are. At this age its probably a good idea to teach him to sleep in his own bed and only sleep in yours in "emergencies" eg. nightmares and things like that.
Why not try having a quiet time just the two or three of you just before bed in his room either talking or reading as a special time thats just about him.
Hope it all works out for you ..Good Luck.
2007-09-13 00:16:33 · answer #7 · answered by tashag2805 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son should not have been sleeping with you after about 18 months old.
There have been studies that allowing children to sleep with you after that age hinders in their development into thriving adults. It sends the message that they will always be sheltered by you... and they can and often do develop into co-dependent messes as adults.
The children need to develop a sense of Independence that you are not allowing.
Also, it wrecks the "alone" time you should be having with your wife. You need to stay in your bed and the child needs to stay in his. Sick kids and nightmares are exceptions but more that a couple of times a years is too many.
2007-09-12 21:44:31 · answer #8 · answered by eric_the_red_101 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
not sure what state you live in, but several states that i know of require that any child over the age of 2 be in there own ROOM, once in a while if a child's sick or bad dream any body can see, but what your describing is way past normal.
and only a matter of time till he tells some one hes sleeps with daddy and takes naps with daddy etc. CPS will be knocking at your door, he will be gone and your new home will be prison
2007-09-12 21:46:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
my ex girlfriends son used to sleep in the bed with her but he was only 2, i think 8 is kinda old personally. and it sucked when you wanted some time alone.
2007-09-12 21:53:09 · answer #10 · answered by Flying Spagetti Monster 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋