Title: The Beach
She cuts a lonely figure
Sitting on the beach,
Knees pulled up and
Arms tightly wound.
There is silence
Except for the waves
Even the traffic had died,
Up on Beach Road.
A seagull watches,
Then bows his head,
In a moment of respect
He cries no more.
As I near her
I see her footprints in the sand,
“Tiny feet!”, I think to myself
As I sit down beside her.
I do not know this girl
She does not know me,
But we sit here together
Staring forward in solidarity.
She has come for healing
For reflection,
Each of us with our own fears
Both wearing scars.
Seeking answers in the crashing waves
White waters rolling.
And as the night tiptoes across the water
We both begin to pray.
2007-09-12 20:34:42 · 12 answers · asked by *Lee*D* 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Bravo!!!!Beautiful Work! I love it, and have totally been there in that place. The beach has always been the best therapy for me, since like High School. Something about the peace, and tranquility, yet the waves crashing all around displaying the awesome power behind it, really helps you just sort things out....again beautifully written!
2007-09-13 10:32:35 · answer #1 · answered by HisPrincess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have done an excellent job of avoiding the usual errors in beginners' poems. there is no excessive presence of the author here, the details are clear and reasonably sharp, you show rather than tell (most of the time).
but there is a problem when you write:
She has come for healing
For reflection,
you do not know this girl, you have not spoken to her: so how do you know her reason for being on the beach?
....
you show considerable language skills here, but there is much more to poetry than just avoiding the obvious errors. you probably need to join a proper poetry website (one with adequate facilities for a full discussion of individual poems and poetic technique in general) - or even better look out your local writers' workshop.
there is a high likelihood you could make something of your poetry one day (perhaps one day soon) - but nobody learns any important language skill one their own.
2007-09-13 03:24:27 · answer #2 · answered by synopsis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved it. Original. Straight forward and to the point. The simplicity goes far ahead of the cryptic poems of this generation. It's really good. It has a nice bouncy flow. Good luck. Keep writing. Great wordplay. Nice choice of words.
2007-09-13 02:50:50 · answer #3 · answered by BiteSizedWaffle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have got 3 outta 6 questions back and the 3 which weren't returned back were clear violation. See community guidelines and learn to say bad things in a good way.
2016-05-18 03:48:42 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a fantastic poem. It's simple so it's easy to understand where you are coming from. Simplicity usually is the best approach to poetry. I love the visuals you create.
I encourage you to keep writing. No matter what. No matter what you feel. Write it. I would love to read it.
2007-09-12 21:13:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow what a great poem; it has brought tears to my eyes,That is one of the most beautiful poem ever wrote or read,,Thank-you for sharing; and keep writing as your writing was oh so lovely...Shelly
2007-09-13 01:51:22 · answer #6 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leigh that was lovely. It's my favorite thing you've written. It's smooth. It reads well. It causes the reader to be reflective. Excellent poem.
2007-09-13 01:39:06 · answer #7 · answered by Todd 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Beautiful juss simply beautiful keep up da gud wrk.
2007-09-13 00:25:48 · answer #8 · answered by Richa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
quite unpretentious. Intelligent and honest . . .reads like a new kinship starting on the beach!!
thanks.
2007-09-12 23:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it
very good , and throwing up props to god
Nice ,,
" I have blessed you so you may BE a blessing to others"
JC
2007-09-13 02:06:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋