My hubby works away from home a few times / yr. The last absence, he had an emotional affair with a co-worker. He admitted he'd gotten too close with her, and promised me that he'd never talk to her again. Well, he's had contact with her 3 times within the past 2 weeks. He claims that it's work related, but, I don't know if I should believe him. (He's a nuclear worker , and I know friends call friends to let them know about available jobs, but, the emotional affair throws a curve into this "friendship').I've tried asking him to break all contact and keep his promise, but he says I'm over reacting. He knows his contact with her bothers me deeply, and it's the only thing I argue with him about. All of his friends think I'm over reacting, too. Am I????
2007-09-12 20:12:40 · 24 answers · asked by addell712 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They don't work in the same place. He travels to different states to different plants.
He also followed her home after the last job to "make sure she got there okay, and slept in her house!!! He claims nothing went on, but he would work with her 12 hours a day, a 30 minute ride home each way, and when he'd call me after work, he'd say he was tired and going to bed. Then, he'd end up calling her and talking to her for 30 minutes or more. He also hid all of his conversations with her. He'd only call her when I was asleep or while I was working. Am I still over reacting????
2007-09-12 20:23:28 · update #1
If there was nothing going on, he would not feel the need to hide things from you or justify his explanations. Human beings are just built that way. When there is nothing to hide/explain they don't. When there is, they do.
2007-09-12 20:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by Haveitlookedat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When he's already admitted it went beyond friendship, I would say that "no contact" is very fair. If he's truly repentant that things went that far, he'd be willing to do what it takes to get the trust back, after all he WAS the one that damaged it. And if that's no contact, then he should honor that.
Be very careful though, many a man has admitted to a lesser charge for fear of being caught out in the bigger lie. He may be cheating, more than emotionally, if not already, then be heading for it. You have the right to protect yourself and your relationship.
And those friends who say your over-reacting, are they the same workmates who maybe knew of the affair, but didn't think to tell you?
***Further information supplied does indicate that there's a lot more going on here. If you love him, don't let him get away with half truths (or all out lies). Its up to you to decide how much you will put up with. Try an ultimatum - your marriage or this "friendship", but be prepared for the worst. His "staying over" and hidden phone calls are indicative of some very real problems.
2007-09-12 20:21:56 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say emotional affair do you mean not physical at all? Either way it's time to lay the cards on the table. If your husband loves you he will inform this other woman that what happened was a big mistake and that nothing other than stricly business will be tolerated for the sake of your marriage.
Unless there is more to your behavior than what you are saying, you are not overreacting at all. his friends don't have as much at stake with your husband. Don't go crazy but do pay attention to your intuition. Hopefully you know if your husband can be trusted . I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot he would expect the same!
2007-09-12 20:28:04 · answer #3 · answered by jiovonnig 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So sorry to hear this and she is young which means she will be around to torment you for a long time- you should start with your husband find out what he is thinking if he loves you and enjoys being married- he isn't living with you so what is he thinking- I'd give the mother in law the apt and take my house back. If she stays and you and your husband are happy then separate the two relationships DON"T complain to him about her- let him see it for himself so you are not nagging at him!!! Don't clean up after her and if she doesn't like your food then suggest that she cook for herself or go out and get something- make enough for the two of you who enjoys and appreciates the food. Is there a reason she doesn't work? If she is able she better get willing and you have to play nice with your husband to keep him on your side but if you do that he will eventually see what she is doing then if things never get better you can tell him you love him but he has to stand up for you??? Good luck
2016-05-18 03:46:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was in your shoe, I would have reacted the same way. Does he still work with her or does it seem like they are just phoning each other time to time? If he doesn't work with her any more, he should keep the promise with you and not to talk to her. If they work together still on the same project, I would say just watch them for little longer. If you see other signs, you need to step in again.
2007-09-12 20:23:08 · answer #5 · answered by myboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel that you are over reacting, I myself am in a simular situation with the exception that my husband and his "friend" play a video game online. There is no real compromise in this situation unless the phone calls are strictly about work. If it's not work related such as colaberating ideas about a situation at work or a project then they really don't need to be socializing, especially if they work together. You gotta make sure that its strictly about work, and company picnics don't count in that, then ask him why they couldn't colaberate at work being as how they work together. If you ever need someone to talk to or have anymore questions, feel free to contact me. lynettefaith85705@yahoo.com or lynettefaith85705 on yahoo messenger. hope this helps. Faith
2007-09-12 20:22:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're over reacting - he's admitted he has feelings for her, but yet continues to keep contact with her and he knows how much it hurts you. I think you should discuss setting up some limits of his contact with her, with him, like a contract so that he can still contact her for work, but you can feel comfortable - e.g. he has to talk to her on phone when you are in the room?
2007-09-12 20:19:46 · answer #7 · answered by dollyroux 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if he's a nuclear worker, than you definitely should be a reactor to the fusion he's got goin' on with his coworker.
Your boy, Atom, has been fission for a new element to split with for a while. Your marriage has reached its halflife and and decayed.
I hope you can Geiger count up all the pieces after the fallout. Good luck!
2007-09-12 20:22:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be worried too, if I were you! I don't think he's at it again, but honestly, you can never know. You might be over-reacting a little, especially if he HAS to talk to co-workers...you can't make him promise to not do his job properly...
2007-09-12 20:17:26 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your judgment. He said he wouldn't talk to her, then he breaks his promise and does, and instead of admitting his mistake, he tries to make you feel guilty by telling you the problem is with you. Um no. The problem is with him. Don't let him make you feel guilty about his sorry mistake. It sounds to me like he doesn't respect you enough to cut off the emotional strings and ties that he has with this other woman. If he respected you then he would quit all of that, and would go work at another company.
2007-09-12 20:19:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋