High school sweethearts, share 1yr old child.
He keeps saying he wants to change.
He is addicted to pot,binge drinking and gambling + recently started dabling in steroids.He lies to cover things up.
He's unstable-financialially and emotionally.
When is the right time to say thats enough?
It's been going on for years but i find it hard to turn away when he offers some kind of hope.
2007-09-12 17:49:11 · 10 answers · asked by Bobbi B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You find it hard to turn away because you are his enabler.
He has his problems - in fact lots of them - but the fact that you don't care how many lines he crosses is your problem.
The truth is that the further down that road of addiction he goes, the harder it is for him to turn around and come back. Most don't even make it a few steps back, most just keep going down that road.
You have an absolute innocent child - she needs your protection. Be her enabler and turn your back on your ex.
If you have to, write down a list of things he has to do to be in your and your daughter's life - sober for 1 year, agree to random drug testing by you, job for 8 months, regular child support payment - even if it's $20 into a college fund, etc.
Then he's a man able to participate in life.
Give him a copy of this list and keep a copy for yourself. Whenever you find yourself slipping back to him, look at your list and your daughter.
Good luck - get professional help if you need to find the strength to break away.
2007-09-12 17:59:03 · answer #1 · answered by Stan W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer to that question lays in his hands. When a Man makes up his mind that the most important thing for him to do for hisself is to give up what is dragging him down and he has to make that decision.
rehabilitation only works when the person is willing to change and wants help when he or she can not do it alone on their own.
I did drugs and drank and gambled for 20 years I lost over 80,000. in my career as a drug addict and chasing a rainbow with no end until one day I decided I had had enough and I just quit.
It has been five-years since I stopped and my life has been so wonderful and I have more now and gained back my selfesteem, integrity and character as a good person who battled the death and come out in one piece alive and just bought a house on top of that.
So I say to you the only way he can change is when he realizes that enough is enough and make that change happen. Until then he faces death amongst the least of it not to mention a financial loss and the loss of a loved one/
It's not worth it to keep going on the path he has chosen.
It takes more will power than one can imagine and take it from me I know. I smoked Crack for three years and that was the icing on the cake. I called it quits and got my life back in gear and so can he once he makes up his mind that it is time to quit.
2007-09-13 01:05:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave Now! It is hard when you love some one, trust me, I have been divorced for 13 yrs. Left with 3 small children. He was going to change too! He still to this day has not changed. You are strong! You can do it!
2007-09-13 01:01:57 · answer #3 · answered by pony 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't change unless he puts in tons of hard work. Help him to seek counselling and all that stuff. Help him as best as you can, and if things are still the same, leave. Then at least you can say without feeling guilty that you've done your best, and there wasn't anything else you could do.
2007-09-13 00:59:18 · answer #4 · answered by ocean_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now is the right time to say that's enough. Stop waiting. It may get worse, like even physically abusive. Take charge of your life and raise your child!
2007-09-13 00:58:36 · answer #5 · answered by im sure 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. He isn't going to change and you know it. You want him to change but he isn't going to do it. Go find yourself a good man that will be a good role model for your 1 year old. This guy was only the sperm donor. Enough is enough today.
2007-09-13 01:03:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask then you've already waited too long. Until he actually DOES kick his habits and clean up his act he can say he wants to change until the cows come home and it means nothing. You need to move on.
2007-09-13 01:03:06 · answer #7 · answered by JD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to find you when he has... and jump on the next plane to your own freedom! You know you dont have it now, so find it. There are doers, and then there are didits.
2007-09-13 01:28:08 · answer #8 · answered by M M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can't believe an addict. They are always just about to change.
2007-09-13 00:57:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People rarely change- move on
You can do better than this...
2007-09-13 00:53:48 · answer #10 · answered by Sophie B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋