parenting problems-abuse?

Question

my mother cannot control her child, he is 12, disrespectful, depressed, bipolar, abusive, angry, disobediant, rude, and innapropriate. she can't seem to parent him, she can't take things away, he won't stop his acting up and innapropriateness. the only thing that makes him quiete is to hit him, a sharp smack of the shoulder or arm. its construed as abuse in my book, and i am complelty against it, but he will not stop after conutless attempts to warn him or ask him to stop. how does she handle this without abuse.

he is my biological brother who i somewhat parent because his mother is too uncertified to do so in my, and his opinion. i'll help with homework, problems, and turn off his lights when he falls asleep. im a false mom. but i have my problems too and its a pain doing his mother's job. it took me 9 years to get her to finally agree to get me a conselor, and i only see him once every two weeks. they verbally abuse eachother, and me, in defense, i do as well. the abusive father is somewhere in california, no contact, but plently with brother. his mother is neglectful, threatens my brother, and then gives into his deamnds, he will grab her arm or rip a shirt and trashes the house if he doesnt get a toy, he is just like his father. he punches, hits, and used to threaten me w/ knives when he didnt get his way. my mother refuses to get anyone any help because she says nothing's wrong! and for those of you who said for her to get parenting classes, she wont evn pick up a self help book.

Answer 1

I was spanked as a child. I turned out fine. Depressed, bi-polar ? Too young to be determined, we can't just jump on the bandwagon with these type of issues. But, always sanctions MUST be consistant. When I say sanctions I mean punnishments not nessissarily spankings. If he has a favorite toy or game limit its use. Being a parent does NOT mean you are always a best freind. Sometimes tough decisions need to be made and actions must be taken. Above all, BE CONSISTANT in punnishment, EXPLAIN RULES CLEARLY and WHAT IS EXPECTED OF HIM IN RETURN and STICK TO IT. And, it must be something of importance, something he values that can be taken away or limited. It must be earned back through proper behavior.

Answer 2

Smacking him is not an abuse, it is a form of discipline for the child. Smacjking has to be done correctly, so that it does not pose real danger to the child. It is suppose to have a superficial pain for the child so that he can correct his mistake. Therefore typically, smacking are confind to areas that does not damage internal organs or break any bones.

Just like canning at the back side. This areas are fleshy, and it hurts to be caned, however it does no serious harm to the body.

Abuse is when you cross the line of punishing. For e.g, it could mean that canning until blood flows out. This can be term as abused.

take care.
P/S : some people will ONLY response to canning...

Answer 3

Well if her child is diagnosed as Bipolar it will help if she can get him on medication for it. If that's not possible maybe she could do some reading about studies of children who are bipolar. It's most likely that her child is acting that way just because he's bipolar. My sister (10 years old) is not yet on medication and it is so hard to live under the same roof with her. But I have to remember about her conditions. When you're bipolar you get mood swing. At on moment you're happy and out of nowhere you're super angry. If you can't do any of those, maybe ask an adult for advice or help. Hope that helped, and good luck.

Answer 4

there is medication for depression and bipolar conditions. Or you guys could try counseling. I mean, there has to be SOMETHING troubling him. People don't just act out for no reason. Or you don't have to do counseling, just look deeper. Maybe he feels like he's not getting enough attention or something. It sounds like your mum is doing all she can and at least you're there to remind her that hitting her kid isn't the right thing.

I really hope things work out.

Since you said your mum doesn't think there's a problem and she's stubborn to go to counseling, are there any close relatives that would be willing to pay your bro's way to counseling? or take him in for a while to let things cool off at home, for a bit???

Answer 5

Your mother's child? Your brother? You describe him as though he is not related to you. You say that your brother is bipolar, has he been diagnosed and medicated? If so, perhaps his medication needs to be adjusted. If he hasn't been diagnosed, he should be. Perhaps there is more going on with him psychologically than bipolar. It shouldn't take for him to be physically hit to make him behave at 12 years old. If something isn't done soon his behavior will get worse, and lead to things that you, your mother nor your brother will like.

Answer 6

Yea. i'd evaluate that abuse. Now something you're able to do approximately that, is touch the police and that they're going to probable positioned you in a sort of little relatives properties. i'd disown them as father and mother. In maximum states the age is sixteen. the only way you're able to try this nonetheless is that in case you get pregnant, your father and mother sign a slip, or you have an excellent place to pass stay. I decide will ought to approve your 'trial' nonetheless. sturdy good fortune!!

Answer 7

I don't believe that a smack on the shoulder is considered abuse. If your brother is truly disrespectful and out of line, maybe thats what he needs to get his attention. But also, maybe all he wants IS attention! You should definately try counseling to help him before its too late!

Answer 8

you should show dominance to children from an early age. if you showem who's boss from an early age, they'll respect you(as long as you dont hit them). you should never hit a child unless they honestly do something really bad like blow up a mailbox or cuss at the pope. but in this case, im sorry to say, the kid needs some beatings if its the absolute only thing that calms him down. tell ur mom to set rules and limits and harsh consequences.

and please dont say "go to your room" cuz thats just stupid. i cannot believe that thats a punishment. givem consequences like "ill take ur playstation away" or "no tv/computer"

Answer 9

Sounds like it's time for family counseling. He needs help and may have a psychological problem. And your mom may be in over her head. You can contact your family physician for a reference to a counselor. There is never a convenient time to intervene, and you can go on your own and speak with someone for advice. I wish you the best. Peace

Answer 10

Are you asking, if it is ok to smack your brother? I would and I would also put him in a ward if he doesn't stop being disrespectful, after all he is bipolar and that is something to be concerned about. He is seeking attention in a bad way and is getting it. If he behaves like this he should be ignored.