My husband and I had our first fight!?

Question

My husband and I got into a fight over me quitting my job simply because I didn't like it. He said I was being selfish and spoiled, and he didn't think he married a spoiled brat. He started yelling and cursing at me and I just yelled and cursed him back. It was really loud and we live in a boarding house so everyone heard us. Now, when I walk by in the hall they all look at me like I'm nuts. I'm so sad about it and he won't even talk to me about it. I just tried to call his job but he keeps telling his co workers to say I'm not there. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't sleep and I don't feel like doing anything. He's all I got right now since my family aren't speaking to me for marrying him and all of my friends are away at college. We've only been married a month but we've been together for two years of high school and it's killing me not to speak to him. What should I do? Please help!

Answer 1

Girl, you can't get past it if you don't communicate with him!

He has reasons why he feels the way he does about you quitting your job. Sounds like he's grounded and likes to not see people that are close to him giving up so easy.

Apologize for the yelling and cursing, tell him you feel unhappy at the job and you're really looking to find a job in which you can thrive and you don't feel like you're going to go anywhere at that job.

Perhaps you can come to a compromise - like sticking it out until you have a different job lined up.

Answer 2

Well at least you've both gotten that "first" out of the way; now you can both work on learning how to do that the right way. Everyone is going to disagree from time to time. It's actually a healthy thing because while you are both part of the same team, you are uniquely different people. "How" you fight is as important (if not moreso) than what you fight about. It's vital that you address the problem or situation,but not attack each other. Why? Because you can apologize for hurtful things you've said to each other, but you can never truly take those things back...they linger in the backs of your minds where they can do the most damage, and they tend to accumulate over time eroding the fabric of your union. That's a very bad thing, but don't lose heart...most of us have made this mistake too in the early days. For all of the things they taught us in school no one ever taught us how to effectively disagree with our partners productively. It is an important skill to learn though, and while I don't have the time or the room to describe "how" in detail, there is nonetheless a wealth of information out there to help you develop these skills and people available to assist you in this effort. Most of it is the pretty basic "never go to bed angry" stuff along with the equally stiff "repeating to your partner what you just heard them say" for purposes of clarity, but much of it will also be insightful and new to you, and if you put even the basic "hokey" suggestions into practice, guess what? They work. Stay on target when you argue and don't let the discussion wander onto things you're not talking about right now. Steer clear of phrases that start with "you always...", because they imply (rightly) that someone is keeping score and not letting go of past issues. Try to focus instead (and communicate) how the situation makes you feel...for instance, " I feel as though you don't understand how undervalued I felt while working at that job..." He may similarly say something to the effect of "I feel as though you aren't grasping the full importance of our economic situation right now, and how that scares me..." Hokey, right? But at least then you know how each other is feeling, and why they're having the reaction they're having, and they're less likely to go on the defensive and shut down the communication. Last thing....the silent treatment between you doesn't make anything one bit better; you have to talk to each other and the sooner the better. Marriage is hard work, but it's worth doing. You're both trying to build something together, and the only way that's possible is if you learn to communicate and work together. (Then, the making up part is pretty fun, too.) I wish you both the very best of luck, now and throughout your future.

Answer 3

Communication is key in any marriage. When you took your vows, it said for better or for worse. Well, this is one of those worse times. Don't worry that your marriage is going down the toilet over a fight. You got married because you love each other very much, right? ALL married people fight, and if you didn't, then something isn't right. Give him some time to blow off some steam. He will come back and you can work this out. Just remember that you are Adults and work this out as Adults. Anyhow, It is really hard to go to a job that you just hate. I'm sure you can find something else quickly. You need to communicate to your husband that you absolutely HATED your job and that you are miserable. You are going to go job hunting tomorrow and things will work out just fine. If you can tell him your feelings, he can't argue feelings. Such as "I feel as though you...". Don't worry about what your neighbors think. If it makes you feel better, simply apologize for being a little loud and they will either get over it or not. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Judging from his reaction, I'd suggest you make finding a new
job the first 'to do' on your list. He feels you let him down by
not discussing your wanting to quit, I'll bet. And he knows it
will take two incomes to survive. And the longer you sit at
home, the longer it will be before you get another paycheck.
And he won't want to make up until you get one. He's maybe
frantic over how the bills will all get paid with less money
coming in. And so you are the only one who can change that
worry for him. Most people find another and better job before
they quit the last. Especially when they know they have to keep the money coming in. So get out first thing tomorrow and all the working days after, and hand out your resume. In fact, work on a new one. And on it, put a darned good reason for quitting your most current job, as the next employer will want to know the reason. And it might make all the difference to your being hired.
In the meantime, make a couple of special dinners for your
hubby. And tell him you are looking for work. And apologize
for throwing a surprise at him like that. And you will make it
up to him soon. And I hope you can. Put all of your energy into
finding a good one that maybe you can use to grow with that
company. Look ahead to a long term career or a stepping
stone to one.
Good luck!

Answer 5

Welcome to marriage. Marriage is like a garden that needs continued matinence. There are going to be times when you argue, hurt each other, say things you regret, and a whole host of other problems that you will encounter over time.

My best advice is this. Be quick to forgive and or say you are sorry. You cannot hold grudges...it will destroy your marriage.
Never go to bed angry with each other. It will just carry on into the next day and you will not get a good nights sleep. Remind yourself of how much you love him and all the things about him that you fell in love with. Talk to him. Do not accuse or give ultimatums. And most of all, fight for your marriage. Do not give up. If you loved each other enough to marry each other then you can always have a great marriage if you really work at it. Be strong Girl!! Since he is not accepting your calls right now, when he comes home, let him know that you want to make things right with him. Let him know that you are very sorry that you quit your job without discussing it with him first, if that is the case, and remember that from this point on, share your heart and plans with him before you make big decisions

Answer 6

Get out the newspaper or search your local newpaper online and make a list of jobs for which you could apply... work on your resume.... get clothes ready, get up early and hit the pavement to find a job... then when he gets home, you two need to talk to eachother and lay some ground rules for "proper arguing"... such as, if in a boarding house, either whisper argue or go for a walk / drive..

Answer 7

I can tell you what you did wrong, you didnt talk it over with your husband before you quit, you should have gotten his opinion your married now you cant make important decisions by yourself specially if its going to affect him as well. your a team now. you may have added financial worry to him which nobody needs.most husbands dont have there wife work because they have too work themselves, they have wives work because they know a second income is needed or because the wife wants too, if you dont want to work then you are being selfish, go job hunting help your husband out with the finances and another thing not everyone loves there job if we all quit our jobs because we dont like it then the poverty level would be even higher, your married now time to grow up. apoligize to your husband admit you were wrong by not talking it over with him first.

Answer 8

I don't like being the one to say it, but maybe it's time to consider that you marriage may have been a bit premature. A couple's compatabilty is proven by their ability to deal with those sorts of problems openly, quickly, and above all, while remembering that this is the person who you love more than anyone else in the world. If you're going at each other like that.......maybe marriage just wasn't the best thing for the two of you yet. Keep trying to talk to him, but bear in mind that more solid relationships than yours have ended over much smaller things.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck.

Answer 9

What you should do is catch him at home and talk to him. But he does seem to be takin this alittle bit harder than he really should. I mean ducking, and given you the silent treatment is cruel. I hope this is not the early symptoms of a bad road. Wish you the best.

Answer 10

RULE #1

NEVER quit a job, until you replace the job. Get hired somewhere else before you abandon your income. Then he couldn't *****!