How do I know if my baby is being spoiled or learning to manipulate me?

Question

My baby is 5.5 months and within the last couple days has started to protest her bedtime. Now, I don't know if she is sick or in pain, because she never cries like this for no reason, or if she has started to figure out that when she cries, mommy comes to hold her and nurse her. I try to let her cry it out because sometimes her cry isn't a really "I need you" cry. But lately, she is crying harder and listening to that for more than ten minutes is heartbreaking. So my question is: is she sick/in pain or is she learning to manipulate me?

ps. I can't feel any teeth pushing through but we are sharing a cold right now and am wondering if this is the reason for the crying.

Answer 1

You can't spoil her.
To the guy who said he stood outside the nursery door for 90 mins. I don't believe that.
Keeping a mommy from her crying baby??? for that LONG?? No way.
I can't imagine blocking my wife from our kids. Number One, I wouldn't want to keep our kids from feeling their mom's loving arms, and number 2: I wouldn't be living to see the light of day. She'd have ripped me a new one.
We didn't let my stepdaughter or my son cry like that. 90 mins. is ridiculous.

But to answer your question, she's not old enough to be testing you. She's only been here 5months. She doesn't know how to manipulate. She's crying because she's needing you.
You can't spoil her.
A little crying is fine and to be expected, but a lot of crying, no.
You're right to be heartbroken, pick up your little girl. You aren't spoiling her at this age. You cannot spoil a baby.

Answer 2

I don't think she's manipulating you at all. She's just used to mommy and would rather sit with you then sleep alone. Maybe just keep her up an extra hour and see if she falls asleep. I'm not a fan of the cry it out method. The 'heartbreaking' part for me isn't the tears... but when the baby STOPs crying- because they know noone is going to come anyway.

Answer 3

I was told that babies of that age can't manipulate anyone. They just don't have the aptitude to really comprehend cause and effect....

I think maybe baby is going through a stage where she doesn't want to be alone, or where she is feeling fear about you walking out of the room. Or she just feels crappy because of the cold.

You can't really spoil a baby that young, so concentrate on being what she needs for you right now, which is a nice cuddle and someone to be with.

Answer 4

I think any time a infant cries they are -needing- something or they wouldn't be crying. She has no other way of letting you know she needs something other then crying, and of course she wants you to hold her it makes her feel secure and content, and that may just all she could be wanting. The cold could very well be what is making her more clingy and wanting to be held, she just wants comfort.

You can NOT spoil an infant with attention or love.

Answer 5

Here are excerpts from two articles I found:

By the time your baby is 6 to 8 months old, he'll be paying close attention to cause and effect — noticing, for instance, that his bowl falls when he drops it from the highchair. He'll also start to see a direct link between his actions and your responses. At this point it's okay to set some limits. If your baby starts crying to get something he doesn't need, hold your ground and give him a hug when he calms down. Similarly, give hugs and praise for good behavior and gently redirect him when he's doing something hazardous.
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Recent research has shown that babies who get a quick and consistent response, especially during the first 6-8 months of life actually cry less than infants who have been left to cry for periods of time. When their needs are met, they develop a basic sense of security that allows them to be more confident and ready to explore and learn. These babies then become more independent as toddlers.

Answer 6

Most babies can't be spoiled that soon.
It might be that she needs to go to bed earlier or later.

You might need to put on a nitelight. Or a different bedtime routien.

I am not a big fan of letting babies cry. Five minutes is ok.

But gosh, 5 months old is still very young and still believe they are part of their mommies..They are learning that they are a seperate person.

Answer 7

One think I read (from Dr Dobson, I think) was that when your baby cries (at this slightly older age) and you want to console them, wait outside their door until there is a slight break in the cry. Pick them up during that break, instead of during the cry. To reinforce that you're picking them up because you love them, not because of the cry.

You can also look up info on total sleep time, it could be that as your baby is getting older it doesn't need as much daytime sleep as it's been getting. She may just not quite be tired enough to want to sleep at bedtime anymore (ours are 1 and 3 and we still have to readjust every now and again as they go through spurts).

Answer 8

You can't spoil a baby.
You can spoil a toddler.
You can spoil a child.
An infant You can't spoil.
She just needs to be close to you. Babies grow so fast, indulge her.
Don't let her keep crying so much. I'm not one of those "self soother" type people. A little fussy to get the grumblies out is fine, but hard crying for 10+ mins..No.
It's not worth it.

Answer 9

Babies, animals, children and people in general when they get a reaction or a response and it happens again and again like picking baby up when baby cries the situation stop picking baby up unless baby is happy - that will help for her life.

Of course be sure that she isn't sick, something wrong etc. but don't respond to the tears. You will be doing your child one of the greatest favors you ever could.

Smile as an infant and a toddler can create a happy attitude about life later. So if you dont' enough the tears by rewarding the baby for them it will take a little while but baby will be happier, YOU will be happier.

Best wishes

Answer 10

I do not think it is possible for an infant under 1 year to be either spoiled or manipulate you. They don't cry just to cry. Something has upset them and they need soothing.