My boyfriend mentioned that he would like to live together before marriage. He definitely sees marriage in our future (a whole lot more than I do, actually)
I am not religious, nor was I brought up with any religion, but I feel that living together without making a legal commitment is not right for me.
I'm a bit disillusioned with marriage and I feel that in order to make it work, you don't need "trial runs" or any of that sort. Am I old fashioned or am I perfectly entitled to my own view?
2007-09-12 16:10:16 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not even about not wanting premarital sex...we've done "the deed" already.
And we've been dating for about 2 years if that helps.
2007-09-12 16:11:09 · update #1
hey, sweet pea...
stick to ur guns.. u are correct
why would he marry u.. if u live together?
then he would say this is working why get married it is just a piece of paper..
so hold out..
if he wants u.. then make him do the deed..
and marry u....
2007-09-12 16:49:02 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you are intitled to your view. There really is no need to rush these things. Living separately keeps a bit of mystery there, even though you've already 'done the deed'. Perhaps hes more serious about the relationship than you are? In which case, perhaps you need to tell him that you 'arent quite there yet'.
If living together before marriage isnt right for you, he needs to respect that. I dont even think its about being old fashioned, its just how you feel. To be perfectly honest I like your idea. A relationship has TWO people in it .... and both need to be in agreement on when to take such big steps. All power to you, keep things simple for as long as you need!!
2007-09-12 23:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by jacquie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him what you told us. Yes, you are entitled to your own view. Tell him that you love him very much and you want to marry him one day in the future. But as you said, you feel that living together without making a legal commitment is not right for you.
2007-09-12 23:20:21 · answer #3 · answered by Caitlyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, I don't think you have to live together with your significant other as a trial. I don't criticize people who do it, but I don't think it is a must. You should never do something you are not 100 percent comfortable with. And yes you are not only entitled to your own views, but you are also entitled to do only what you are comfortable doing. Good luck. PS If he doesn't understand your point of view, that means he is not truly committed to the relationship.
2007-09-12 23:43:14 · answer #4 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very intelligent girl! You are completely right, you don't need a "trial run" and in fact, there's quite a bit a research out there that indicates that shacking up with a guy will actually diminish your chance for a successful marriage. You are a rare intellect on yahoo.
2007-09-13 00:39:46 · answer #5 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i had the same issue before my husband and i got married, he wanted to move in together to see what it would be like, i'm catholic but i'm not really that religious but it's still wrong to move in with your bf or fiancee before getting married, it was a big issue at first because he really wanted to and wasn't respecting my feelings nor my decisions but i talked to him and told him how important it was to me and he finally got the point, so you should deff talk to him, he shouldn't force you to do something you don't want to do or don't agree with, and i agree with you when you said "you don't need trial runs or any of that sort" it's true, so talk to him and tell him how you feel and how important this is for you. Best wishes!!
2007-09-12 23:18:26 · answer #6 · answered by Pat's Angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not old fashioned for not wanting to live together before marriage. I think that if more women felt that way, then marriage would become what it was meant to be, a partnership between 2 people that love each other immensely. So stand by your decision and if he walks, then it wasn't meant to be.
2007-09-12 23:34:00 · answer #7 · answered by Pirate's Lady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some people do not want to live together before marriage for whatever reason and it's not wrong. i was engaged to a man once that was a great guy. we ended up not getting married. we never lived together, but i still think that we would have had a better chance if we had lived together first.
2007-09-12 23:22:29 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what is best for YOU. It's not old fashioned, it's just the way you feel...
and personally, i do think you are right. people have more succes at marriage when they don't live together first.
i'm glad to see you use your own brain, and not play "follow the leader".
if you are hesitant about getting married, then don't...
2007-09-12 23:28:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything wrong with it.
He might be giving a sign or hint that he does see marriage and that to be soon. Possibly this is his way of letting you know he might propose soon?
It seems you are not comfortable and not ready for that stage. I honestly believe to let him know you are not ready and want to wait til you two get married (if that is how you feel).
If he can't respect that, then he might not be the one for you.
2007-09-12 23:27:41 · answer #10 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋