My husband wants me to go....do you think I should?

Question

I suffer from major clinical depression and so I have low energy...plus a weight problem that keeps me from feeling very attractive if you know what I mean. Well, many times in our marriage, my hubby has been asked to go places, and will be hoping I will accompany him, but I rarely do because I just feel so uncomfortable around people I don't know. Shoot, I sometimes feel uncomfortable around my "own" family gatherings...so it's hard even then. Well, this may sound small to those of you who are outgoing and don't concern yourself with what others think, but my hubby was asked by some 1 at work if he would like to attend a wedding. I would only know one person there besides my husband and kids and I just keep thinking...Oh, I just can't. But last time I told him no, he was disappointed and I really hate doing that!! My question is, should I go even though I know I won't enjoy it with my nerves in a bundle,....it's not like I know these people, so sure he is comfortable. Thanks.

I just feel so alone in this sometimes. My hubby is very outgoing and I am just so self concious.

Thanks to those of you who were kind. I am trying to figure out how this got in the marriage section as I meant to put it there instead. I feel some of you have no idea what I have gone through. I am very supportive of my husband and he knows that. I am surprised some of you came down on me so hard for something like this. I didn't cheat for pete's sake...again thanks to those who were kind.

When it is my husbands family...that is different. I do support him then and I do go places with him. I feel you all think this stuff happens a lot...it is rare that he gets asked.

Answer 1

Honey I understand. I have struggled with my weight for years and some other issues that have caused me to feel like everyone is staring at me and pointing fingers. I felt like they were watching what i ate and saying to themselves "that girl does not need to eat anything". I had someone around me that did not encourage me to feel better about myself. They were actually apart of the root. I decided that I am a beautiful person. I had to work from the outside in. I know that is not what people tell you to do but if your looks are what keeps you down then change something. I am not speaking of operations. I mean dye your hair, buy a new bra that pushes those babys up, but most of all flaunt your hubby. Depression is not something that will be easily overcome but once you stop leaning on it and letting it be a sickness then you will break out. You are still sexy and beautiful. Find your confidence and start exercising. As long as you are a woman then that is all you need. A woman is fierce even on a bad day, a woman is a magnificent creation, a woman was built tougher than a Ford, and most of all she is a gift to the world. Take your place honey and know that you are a beautiful gift to the world and without you then the world is missing an angel. I don't know you but I know your pain. Be blessed sistah and go with your husband. Support him and he'll support you. Don't let depression beat you anymore. Put away the tears of pain and fear and just step forward. People may say that their are people depending on you but I say you are depending on you. The beauty of you that is on the inside wants to be free so don't let her down. If you haven't seen a doctor please do so. Remember taht nothing is as bad as it seems. You know this because you made it to today and with many prayers tomorrow will shine it's light on you. Take things slow and remember that every second that goes by is a chance to change so don't be hard on yourself or discourage yourself. If you miss this second another one is right behind it.

Answer 2

Just because you are overweight, you cannot get down to the point that you stop living and socializing. Yes, you should make an effort to go to this wedding with him. What I would do is go into a plus size store like Lane Bryant or The Answer and ask the salesperson to help you find a nice outfit for this wedding. Maybe a lovely chiffon dressy pants outfit. Get your hair done, nails and pedicure and put some makeup on and go with your husband. You should really try to go for some kind of therapy to help you get out of this depression. Consult with your doctor and see if he would give you a mild anti depressant for a while until you regain your confidence back. \

Read some self help books. Start a diet. Go to Weight Watchers or LA Weight Loss Centers or Jenny Craig. Get out of the house and enjoy life. Not everyone is a size 8. There are many large size ladies that have an active lifestyle and socialize with friends. Yes, we all want to be thin, but sometimes it is not possible...there is no quick fix. But you must start being a partner to your husband otherwise you could lose him.

Answer 3

First and foremost go to a doctor and be evaluated for your depression.if you are on meds and are still suffering with symptoms you may need to up your dosage or switch meds all together. Second try getting out in the fresh air and sunlight helpsme alot.Third go out get your hair done buy some new make-up and clothes that flatters your figure sounds simple but it worked a lot for me. When you look good on the outside it helps you feel a little better on the inside. But seriouly go o your doctor and talk about your meds.Your husband sounds like he's a good support system meet him half way. since you won't really know anyone you can let your gaurd down a little bit and just have a good time. Good luck.

Answer 4

As I have gotten older I have noticed that I don't feel the urge to go out and meet people like I use to. I have gained weight also. I don't like people looking at me. Sometimes you just have to force yourself into social situations. Usually after I get there I am so happy I decided to go. You just have to agree with yourself that you are not going to care what other people think. (I just joined the Roller Derby! People will be watching us at games, Yikes) Do you really want to live your life cooped up all the time? I can't imagine a person would feel like they could get everything out of life by staying home and isolating themself.
Give it a try and make yourself go out every once in a while. If you find that it's just not something you can do at least you know that you tried. I'm sure your husband would really appreciate the effort too! It could (I'm not positive) help with the depression.

Answer 5

Sweetie, the longer you continue to hide away, the harder it will get to take that first step. People make the world go round and you are missing out on so much of life itself. You know something, believe it or not, everyone is not looking at you; judging you or talking about you when you attend something or go places. People will love you for who you are, inside, not the outer shell. I also was very shy and selfconcious at one time in my life. Finally, one day, I said - don't be afraid to look the fool - and it changed my life. Without fear of how I looked to others, I could do whatever I wished and enjoy every avenue of life. It is how you feel about yourself that matters; not what all those other people think. Weight is something that can be overcome, but I don't judge people on that at all. If everyone looked like a model, this life would be boring. I look for the twinkle in someones eye, the compassion and caring in their voice, the laughter and the joy they present me.

You need to take some baby steps; go out with just you and your husband first, then go with another couple, then a small function until you feel comfortable with a group of people. Let those see who you are so they may enjoy knowing you. Your husband and you deserve to enjoy life together; not apart. Each journey begins with only one step - Good luck to you

Answer 6

I really think that you should go, if for no other reason go for your husband. I sometimes feel the way you describe, but I've noticed ( and you can use this wedding as a test) that when I feel not so pretty, I get the not so pretty reaction from people, Let me explain a little better than that. I believe that we send off vibes at all times, even though we don't realize that we are doing it. If I have the attitude that I'm pretty, that I'm worth knowing, and that I'm a good person,I usually will get a positive reaction from it. Just try it.

Answer 7

Yeah, you should go. This is about supporting your husband. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do to support a loved one.

You need to change your outlook on this situation. You already know you wont like going because you don't know anyone. You need to realize that if you start going to these things, you'll meet people. You may even met someone just like you who is uncomfortable in this situation, and you can help each other out.

Also, if you keep staying home feeling sorry for yourself, you are going to lose your husband. He's not going to have a place in your life if you are too absorbed with yourself.

Answer 8

I know how you feel ,I have been struggling with my weight all my life. You are what you are and the sooner you realize it the better you will be. The only way to conquer your fears is to face them.The worst thing that can happen is that you might feel a little uncomfortable,so what .Go to the wedding and make an effort to have a good time.Think positive thoughts and enjoy the time out with your husband.

Answer 9

If not for yourself do it for your hubby.
I know it's hard, but have you tried going out with him a little more often on small outtings? Try that.

Don't set yourself up for failure before you get there. I hate going anywhere I don't anyone, but you should at least try.

I agree, do something special for yourself, get a manicure and a pedicure and get your hair done.

You are a very lucky woman to have your hubby still want you by his side. Go and think about that when your thoughts start to wander in the wrong direction. And it's ok to smile about it :)

Go and have fun you both deserve it,
stay positive :))

Answer 10

You suffer from self centered fear. You care to much what you think others are thinking of you. First step to recovery is accepting yourself for who you are right now. You say to yourself "I am okay today just like I am" you keep repeating this everyday even though you don't believe it at first. You are a unique creation of God. He doesn't make junk. There is no one else like you anywhere never has been never will be. All of us are flawed, there are no perfect people. Everyone has their trials and tribulations.

It's none of my business what you think of me, it is my business what I know is true about me. To thine own self be true. You can get out of your depression by becoming grateful for every little blessing you have. You are too into yourself, so you need to get out and do something for someone else not expecting anything in return. Treat others as you want to be treated. Be kind, caring, giving, understanding, tolerant, patient, have unconditional love, be quick to forgive and slow to anger. If you do all these things you will like yourself again and others will naturally like you too. Those who don't like you, leave behind, you don't need them anyway.

It is not your outside looks that are important. What is important is what you do, how you treat people. You are worth loving and knowing. This doesn't work over night, but if you do these things you will find happiness and your self esteem will rise.