I am counselor and I can't figure this out about myself! That is pathetic. Really, every time I find a man to be attractive and stimulating, someone whom I would like to get to know better I later find out that they are attached, married or not ready for a relationship. I can't figure out what is wrong with me. I have done some deep soul searching and do realize that I have some fears of feeling suffocated or trapped in a relationship, but I also have the maturity and wisdom to deal with these feelings constructivley. I don't think I am much more ambivalent about a relationship than are most folks, maybe just more aware because of my background in psychology. I have heard that if you attract unavailable men it is because on some level you are not available. I have looked at this from every possible angle and have been brutally honest with myself. Can someone please shed some new light on this for me? Please, no jokes or rude, crude comments. I appreciate thoughtful replies.
2007-09-12 13:49:41 · 11 answers · asked by Mystic Renegade 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
P.S. I don't know they are attached or unavailalbe when I first meet them, it is always after I have established an attraction for them that I learn this...And I don't pursue them once I realize they have a wife or girlfriend, but I can't always stop my feelings, but don't act on them. So, this isn't a wanting what you can't have scenerio cause I don't know I can't have them initially!
2007-09-12 13:58:23 · update #1
I find myself doing the same thing (only w/ women, of course). Perhaps it is because they are not available that your interaction is different. There is no "game", because the other person isn't looking. So you are immediately past that stage and quickly into the getting to know them stage, the stage where true interest and bonding occurs. I find this happnes quite often for me.
Or, It could be the "trophy-trash" theory. Some people instinctively are interested in those unavailable because they are a "trophy", either someone else's other (their trophy) or so secure in themselves that they don't need another person (their own trophy) as opposed to those who are available, and all you see are their faults (hence the reason they are alone, or "trash").
Or perhaps you just have really bad luck.
2007-09-12 13:59:15 · answer #1 · answered by Ghimraab 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's the possibility,that these men are attracted to YOU!.
Although these men are'nt actually looking for an outside relationship,they DO notice you,and they notice there's no ring on the finger. Most married men don't wear a wedding ring,but you can tell if he's married,because although you noticed him,noticing you,he will be a little hesitant to approach you at first,but a single man would walk right up to you.
A man who's already in a relationship,will not be so quick to have a conversation with a woman who is. He could lie to his wife (or girlfriend) about you,and get away with it,but it would be too hard for him to have a relationship with a WOMAN who's already seeing someone else. That's time being taken away from HIM!.
An attractive,single woman will catch any man's eye. She will listen to his problems,always have a smile,and will be someone this man can go to,when he wants to: "Get away from it all".
Don't worry!. Single men are hard to find,but maybe a best friend of yours,or even a relative knows of someone who is not attached,and will be good company for you! (Smile!).
"HOPE THIS HELPS"
2007-09-12 14:15:57 · answer #2 · answered by Squeakers 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you state that you do not initially know that they are attached, then the reason is not that you want what you can't have.
Therefore, let's think what these men have in common ...
Stability, experience, self-confidence, from your writing I would also say intelligence attracts you. Do these men have a similiar physical appearance? That would be another reason. Those are the common links I see.
You can find these characteristics in available men. Play the odds. You're due for a winner.
2007-09-12 14:16:38 · answer #3 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First understand that real guy dont love fashion and shopping. Second look for those sssssss in his speach. Third understand that gay men just want to be your friend. They wont be nervous around you at all. If you looked for guys who were a little nervous you would get regular guys.
2016-05-18 01:39:39 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are a challenge. It sounds like you don't screen for positive challenges however. You need to look for confident gentlemen with good self-control, manners, and a positive attitude that aren't pushovers instead of people who are challenging because they lack integrity and such.
2007-09-12 14:23:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We always want what we can't have. I remember having a crush on a man in front of his two kids and wife....luckily I don't think they knew....nor did he...well, maybe a tiny bit.
JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON"T ACT ON IT IT IS OKAY
2007-09-12 14:08:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you seem attracted to them, then THEY know they CAN have YOU.
Just a guess- it's the signals you send.
2007-09-12 14:47:19 · answer #7 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By nature, we want what we can't have. It's the thrill of the chase.
2007-09-12 13:55:02 · answer #8 · answered by Hot Coco Puff 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you're always attracted to guys who are taken because we always want what we can't have.
2007-09-12 13:59:20 · answer #9 · answered by Chocolate Thundah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be a glutton for punishment.
2007-09-12 13:53:29 · answer #10 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋