Why is it that the Virginity until marriage questions are SO important?

Question

Seems to me that MOST (if not all) of the virginity until I marry questions are of greater importance to those who think you should wait untl marriage ?!?!?

I believe you guys THINK about it more often than those of us who are no longer virgins !!!!

I understand your religious (or personal) basis for wanting to wait - but to fixate on it - isn't that the same as "doing it"?

I mean - I'm a Christian and I've read the bible. It sates that someone with "lust in their heart" has already committed adultry in the eyes of the lord - right?

So you might be a virgin - but if you're thinking about it, talking about it, wanting to do it, wishing for it, but not doing it - does this REALLY make you more pure than someone that does the actual act?

I think some just like the art of the tease - it makes the buildup THAT much more intense....

I also think that many of these "virgins" build it up so BIG that by the time they actually DO get married and have sex, its a HUGE letdown...

No - I've been married for 11 years....

But I wasn't one when I married either.

I just don't understand why its held so high (like the Holy Grail or interpersonal relationships) !!

Miimmiii -

Where do YOU get your information ??? I hold a Doctorate of Pharmacy degree and have over 8 years post-graduate training in healthcare, followed up by more than 10 years in clinical practice !!!!

Your "medical" facts are as fare from the truth as you can get !!! I woman who has sex with a man, but then gets pregnant from another man years later "retains" the traits (and thus the DNA) of the previous sex partner from several years back?

You win the award for the biggest religous crack-pot of all time !!!!

Yes - multiple partners can increase your chances of cervical cancer - but only UNPROTECTED sex.

I have not, nor do I advocate promiscuity in my post.

For those that seem to think sex is something to be FEARED - I truely do fell sorry for you.

I'll pray more for you about that, then for you to remain a virgin until marriage !

Miimmii -

I'm curious - how does a male get "cervical cancer". I think that one's an anatomical impossibility.

Kind of like a gal getting testicular cancer - it just can't happen !!!!

If you're talking about passing on HPV, then yes it CAN happen. Doesn't mean it WILL. Plus, its not likely if one practices safe sex.

I truely distain non-medical folks quoting health related things ..... there's enough mis / dis- information out there as it is......

Answer 1

What gave you the notion that discussing virginity is no different than engaging in sex or having sexual fantasies? That's very illogical; it makes no sense at all.

But if virgins think about having sex: well, that's sinful, but it doesn't make them non-virgins. To lose one's virginity, someone has to actually engage in oral, anal or vaginal sex with another person physically. Thinking about it or talking about it over the internet doesn't make them non-virgins.

Answer 2

I agree with you. And I am completely against waiting for marriage to have sex. How awful to find out after the vows that you are sexually incompatible. But most of the people who hold up virginity as the "holy grail" don't understand sexual compatibility in the first place. Which is why a disproportionate number of bible thumpers' marriages end in adulterous affairs. It's why we have the Ted Haggards and other hypocrites out there brought down by their own actions. And another thing........why do we teach our children all their lives that sex is sinful and then, on their wedding nights, all of a sudden sex is supposed to be some magical, beautiful thing? It's ludicrous. Women don't have any clue how to please a man because not only are they virgins, but they've never even picked up a book or magazine about sex because that too is sinful. It's a messed up theology if you ask me.

Answer 3

I agree with you. But to be fair, you don't hear much from those who choose to "wait", but are not "fixated" on it. It is the ones that are fixated on it that are very vocal.

I personally was not even aware until fairly recently that it was such a big deal. I've been raised with an idea that sex was just a part of a healthy adult relationship - no more, no less. Not a Holy Grail, not a dirty deed.

Answer 4

Your question is thought provoking as usual, but I dont believe a virgin "thinking" about sex, as their human hormones kick in is as sinful as a sexually active teen with multiple partners. I think there are allowances God would see.
Considering todays society and having an 18 yr. old daughter, I would praise a teenager who refrains from sex for their religious beliefs. Can you imagine what they are battling within themselves? The majority of people couldnt sustain. You, me, practically everyone I know. Times have drastically changed. A virgin is a virgin no matter what there thoughts are. Its easier to seek forgiveness from a thought than an action.

Answer 5

I have a real problem with religious people period. I have an even bigger problem with a religion dictating my what I should and shouldn't do. My thoughts are mine alone so why would I let a religion dictate what to think especially regarding sex. I was raised catholic I won't being being to go into the perversions many catholic priests have committed.

Now if a guy or girl for personal reasons wants to "save" themselves for marriage then that's fine but to do so for some deeply held religious belief is a sad statement of the human condition.

Answer 6

For some the virginity issue is of such great importance because they want to know they aren't alone in thier decision to stay away from temptations of the flesh until they are certian that they are truly in love and that love is bound before god and family. Sex is always a huge let down for those who have it because there is no LOVE. But when you make love for the first time.......it is the most wonderful, peaceful, fullfilling, and rewarding part of waiting to be the person of your dreams. I know because I was a virgin until my wedding night and my husband and I have been married for 4 years (in 7 days) and have a 9 month old little girl. If I could back and change it I wouldn't for the world. Waiting makes everytime we are together that much more special because we can share every experience together and I don't have to feel inadequate. My husband often does because he has been with other before me and he worries that he is huge let down for me.
Momma_Bear

Answer 7

Of course people who are virgins are going to think about sex....I think it is only natural....I don't believe that thinking about sex in general is the same as lusting after someone. How can you not want to think about sex when you may be engaged to someone? I think that is ridiculous. What is more important to those who choose to remain virgins because of religious beliefs or for personal choice....is that they refrain from having sex until marriage. When you are not suppose to do something or abstain form something....the more likely you are going to think about it...Just look at all the priest that have been accused of child molestation.

Answer 8

Great Question!!!

I agree with most of what you said. I knew a very quite girl (she waited until she was married at 25) but she never once really talked about it. I feel more respect for her decision then those who try to force down other people's throats. She did it for herself while I feel the ones that are very vocal about it are trying to simply get attention by being "different".

miimmii- where did you get that load of bull? Then agfain I don't want to know... Why don't you just go back to your mothership and leave us alone?

Answer 9

lemme slap that bible out of your head lmao.

I've noticed the way those questions are asked they sound more like 13 and 14 year old's asking , so thats why it's so important to them , as to the real adult's (teens) who ask 3 time's out of 10 I'd say their real questions worrying about their morals , the rest are just who ever realising they mucked up by having sex to young and need us to explain why we do it and why we dont feel guilty about what ever age we were when the decision to lose it was made.

I have just gone through this with my daughter she's an older teen and her dad and I begged her to wait till she's at least 18 to try it , but because 16 is the legal age in Australia all we really could do was cross our fingers , give her all the advice under the sun and hope she waited.She graduates high school in 4 weeks or there abouts so realistically we have NO say in it.But I would hope people under the age of 18 would wait because unless your in a committed relationships your just opening yourself up to a lot of emotional baggage you dont need.

Answer 10

to be honest i also think that this all is just stupid - I mean that trying to make other people stay virgins untill marriage is much like prostitution in some way - no sex till you get the documents.... what about love? you give me marriage - I give you sex. It was natural in ancient times and as your spouse was choosed by your parents and you never saw each other before the marriage... there could be nothing like love. Not a good way to become happy. No sex without love is a thing I can understand but... No sex without documents... In ancient times it was the only way to make sure that the girl is not ill and that the child is from the husband. For men it never was necessary. Now women have more rights and don't have to stay virgin if they want. "if you want my future - forget my past" There is an anecdote - a man returnes home after 3 weeks' holiday and first of all goes to his neighbour to ask if his wife was cheating on him. the neighbour says that not a single man came during 3 weeks. the husband says :"Not a single man came to see her during 3 weeks? then I won't go too." Same about virginity - good only when you're young, later it shows that you were not popular.