I called my hubby at work and informed him I was spotting and didn't know if I needed to go to the hospital.Instead of him comming home he went to the gym to work out.The day I recieved my heartbreaking news,the hubby stayed home.Well aware that I was scared to death and that I needed someone to be with me.We have other problems in our marriage besides this one. I am so ready to walk away from it all.
2007-09-12 10:29:52 · 16 answers · asked by Shell E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, I am so very sorry for your loss.
Sometimes, people let us down. It's a sad fact of life, but it does happen. Yes, he should have been there for you. Yes, you needed him. People grieve in different ways, it sounds as though his way is that of denial and ignoring the facts... if he doesn't participate, it all didn't really happen, if you know what I mean....
Only you know if the depths of your other problems are such that a divorce would be in order... this is hurtful, and he should have handled it differently, but by itself is not cause for divorce. You two really need to talk. You need to tell him how hurt you are and how you need him to be there for you... not just what he didn't do, but what you need him to do... "I want you to hold me and let me cry and tell me that you miss our baby too..."
Honey, the pain will ease one day at a time until you can finally breathe again without tears... I'm sorry - I've been there... email if you need to talk.
Wildflower
2007-09-12 10:37:17 · answer #1 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling for the other issues. As for this one, try to understand that many men don't feel an attachment to fetuses like we women do. A lot of times, especially with high risk pregnancies, men don't allow themselves to feel for the child just in case something goes wrong.My husband was very detached about all of my pregnancies. I thought he didn't care. He said it wasn't real for him until he saw the baby come out. Watching him cry in the delivery room confirmed that. He also is a wonderful father and catered to my and the baby's every need.
Since you guys are having trouble, try working on the relationship (if you want to stay married) and try again. During your therapy sessions, maybe you can bring it up. Most men who detach themselves also display that behavior throughout the entire relationship which causes issues. But it doesn't mean he isn't a good guy or doesn't love you.
2007-09-12 19:22:53 · answer #2 · answered by PharmNerd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This must have been a difficult time for you but god saw that you made it though and your husband went to the gym when you called him at work to tell him about you going to the hospital he sounds like a very immature person, selfless one at that. You have other issues in your marriage but this one must have hit the high note for you , do what ever it is that will make you happy because when you love someone you will be there though thick and thin, Think about your good times and bad time what ever weight the the most make a choice.
best of luck
2007-09-12 17:37:18 · answer #3 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I made this same mistake with my wife, It was'nt because I did'nt care. we were young in our early twentys. Neither of us were ready to handle something like that. I had felt guilt because i had been worried about the financial aspects of raising anouther child. I guess I felt like while I was having second thoughts about if I could take care of anouther child it never dawned on me how lucky & happy I should have been. I wish I could go back and not be so selfish. Please talk to him and maybe let him read this. Dont make the same mistake as I did. The bottem line is I was scared and inmature. I loved my wife then as I do now.
2007-09-12 18:43:36 · answer #4 · answered by Hot Rod 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all men know how to act, so they just function. I think it is unfair to just assume he is an insensitive ahole, without delicately communicating your emotions and how you could have really gotten through it better if he would have done this or that.
When I lost a pregnancy and had a scheduled ectopic extraction, my husband brought me home and when I fell asleep, he went to the bar and got drunk. He also took it upon himself to invite his unknowing buddies over for a latenight poker game. I woke up in a daze and couldn't believe him! But it wasn't because he was a bad guy, he just really had no clue how to cope and didn't want to be alone!
I guess he redeemed himself ten years later by taking out nearly all of his retirement savings to pay for surrogate to have a child for us. He would have done anything to repair my sorrow, he just wasn't good at dealing with my grief one on one.
2007-09-12 22:01:40 · answer #5 · answered by Kay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl sounds like hes just no good.You deserve so much better....For the man you love to go to the gym while you are bleeding is terrible...And to stay home when you had a miscarrage , how can you even look at him.I would spit in his face and show him the door.If he is this bad what is he gonna be like when you do have kids ? A worthless piece of meat !
2007-09-12 17:44:11 · answer #6 · answered by lady bug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't even know what to say, I would say that he has emotionally left this marriage. It is both your child that you lost and he should of be there during the problems and now when you need him even more. That is something that you need to talk to him about and if he does not respond about how he should of been there and that maybe he was scared then it is time to start moving on.
2007-09-12 17:38:16 · answer #7 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God saved you from raising a child all alone. Even if you are married to him you would be alone. He just failed one of marriages biggest tests and you should walk... You are only in for a sad lonely life with him. I'm sorry for your loss but when the right man comes along you will have another chance at motherhood. God bless...
2007-09-12 17:40:55 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think most guys understand how hard it is to have a miscarriage I had one to about 1 year ago and my husband didn't want to believe that's what it was because it was too sad he said it may be just his way of dealing with it. I'm sorry but try to work it out. good luck
2007-09-12 17:37:04 · answer #9 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you talk to him? if you should leave, it will make you more certain. A lot of men are not very good taking care of their ill wives but still... you can find a lot of excuses for him but it's better to see what excuses will he find and if they satisfy you... talk about other problems... I hope it will help you to make a decision. May be you'll see that he doesn't care... may be he was too scared to help you but I'm afraid it can be not so nice. Don't keep it inside you, I think you should talk to him about your relationship. But it all doesn't look ok to me. He must have been more understanding and caring. I don't think you'll ever forgive him this. May be it's better to leave.
2007-09-12 17:47:30 · answer #10 · answered by ania361 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋