Is it better to blend the family then get married, or get married then blend the family?

Question

My fiance and I are at a crossroads because the house I am in has been sold and I have to move. My 14 yrs. old son , hates his daughter who's also 14 yrs. old, and she hates him. They have no relationship, although they do go to the same big high school and know some people in common. I'm sure it's a jealousy-competitive thing, but really who knows but the kids??? My fiance says they'll work it out, especially if they're in close proximity to each other, they'll learn to get along, so we should move in with them!!! I say we need to have things worked out BEFORE we move in!!! Please, what do you think or know about this blended family stuff? Tips, experiences? Thank You!

Answer 1

If your wedding is less then 6 months away then I would just say what is the harm in moving in together now. Your house is sold and you need a place to live. You will be living together pretty soon anyways.

If your wedding if more then 6 months away then I would suggest getting your own place to rent. Give the two teenager some more time to get used to the idea of being step siblings and hopefull learn to get along better.

Answer 2

My personal feeling is that I would move in together at this point. If you're planning to get married, you're going to move in together eventually anyway, and will encounter these same problems then. Why not try and work on them now? You both need to talk to your kids and help them adjust to the situation. Look at it from their perspective: what if someone chose two random people for you to live with full-time? You and your fiancé have a relationship, but it doesn't automatically mean that your son will get along with his daughter. I'm sure both kids feel trapped in a sense, maybe they feel like their privacy is about to be invaded; you need to address these issues - all of you, together. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, since your house has sold- what are your options? When are you getting married? Is it a long way off? The family is going to be together eventually- I say go ahead and move in and it will work out. I think once the children really see the two of you together and especially after the wedding ceremony, they will understand there's a committment between the two of you as well as to the entire family. It will get better- hang in there.

Answer 4

I have a blended family myself and would say that you should move in and try to resolve this issue between the kids. Put you foot down both of you and tell them they must get along. they could be trying to ruin the relationship between you two but dont let them stop you. If it dont work out then you'll know not to get married just live together until they leave then get married later. your gonna need to know how its gonna be when you do eventually get married so why not now?

Answer 5

You can not make kids or people like each other. I really doubt if it'll make alot of difference to the kids whether you move in together before or after you get married, they don't like each other. If they are forced to live together they aren't going to like it ....period. If you move in together, then you all need to sit down together and set guidelines of how it's going to work. The one good thing about not living in the same house is alot less stress....you get to make the decision.

Answer 6

I think you should wait four years, then you can do what ever you want. Why would you put your son through this kind of misery? Once the kids are up and out, things are going to be much smoother. Until then, continue to live on your own, with your son.

Answer 7

I don't believe in living together but in your case I would really wait. Your child needs to know that the day IS coming and that he is not going to control your life. Even though, he needs time to get used to the idea and encouraged to get along with his soon to be step sister. No one says they have to be great friends but they should be civil to each other. Good luck...