Our divorced was final over 9 years ago, but recently we have been spending a lot of time together. See, we have two children together and we are both very active in their lives. We take them on vacation together (separate rooms), school functions, dinner, etc. Although he has dated other women, there has never been anything too serious. And yes, I have dated as well, a couple of serious relationships but I seem to always compare them to my ex. Neither one of us has crossed that line. What do I do? Should I tell him how I feel about him?
2007-09-12 10:20:07 · 15 answers · asked by Ms. Fay 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you don't you got divorced for a reason it may be hard but you have to move on sorry and good luck
2007-09-12 10:31:27 · answer #1 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a hard question. Perhaps you two have it right this time. Maybe you are both older and more mature and understand each other's needs. That said, remember, he is your ex for a reason. Your relationship failed at least once and unless those issues have either been resolved or are no longer important to you AND him, the same problem with come up again.
WHat i would do is simply ask him if he thinks you two made a mistake rushing into a divorce. Wait until you two are alone and can talk calmly. Don't tell him you still love him, but, just ask him where he stands on the past. If he seems receptive to the idea of talking about it and perhaps thinking you both may have been too young to appreciate each other, then you might want to take it further and see if he thinks you both should try again.
But, you need to be adult like, honest, and open. You need to show him that the old relationship is gone and this is the start of a new relationship (and hopefully have a different ending as well). Good luck to you.
2007-09-12 10:29:52 · answer #2 · answered by dancam1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st up I commend you for being able to show your kids such a responsible relationship thats awesome.
maybe suggest dinner just the 2 of you and start a conversation of does it ever make you wonder how we manage to spend so much time together with the kids playing happy family , and see where it leads.
As to the marriage issue dont bring the word into your conversation I mean ok you guys were married and you divorced and your taking the kid's away on holiday's but leave the marriage issue out of it for as long as you can because realistically your not focusing on the marriage your focusing on your emotions and if you rush the word "marriage" into it to soon you just may scare him.
Maybe sit back and think of the reasons why you divorced and the problems you had and if they seem like nothing now then maybe you both matured and grew up so this 2nd time round might actually work , but if he agree's to a 2nd chance dont settle back into a routine , keep the romancing alive and make it fun , baby step's on it and i wish you all the best.
Dont do it for the kid's because the kid's are obviously happy with how thing's are now , dont do it because of loneliness , or comfortability , do it because both your heart's wish it.
Good luck.
2007-09-12 12:05:35 · answer #3 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like as far as divorcing and being able to work together for the kids' sakes.. you have a great thing going on!! I'd be cautious of just coming out with "I love you and want to get back together" though it sounds like that's what you want.. because if he doesn't feel the same, it might make it difficult for you two to continue to be so cooperative when it comes to the kids.. . I guess awkward could be the word..
However, if I felt like you do.. I would "open up" and flirt a little with him while together one day... perhaps let your hand "brush" his.. etc.. being very subtle and just seeing how he reacts to it... you can always claim that you "just had a moment" if you see it makes things awkward or he just doesn't feel the same...
If he responds to you flirting and such in a positive way.. then just keep turning up the notch a little at a time and see how he takes it.
Good luck,
Wildflower
2007-09-12 10:28:16 · answer #4 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
So...what's different now than when you divorced!? If whatever that caused the problems are still there, then getting together again is probably not a good idea.
I just don't think you've allowed yourself to let go all the way because he's right there in your life all the time.
How can you go shopping for houses when you won't leave the one you're in to go look?
2007-09-12 10:28:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I know for me I might make a joke like "wow all this time together, people are going to think we are on our way back to the alter" and see his response before I layed it all on the line.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
2007-09-12 10:24:15 · answer #6 · answered by kittykatsback 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES. Tell him. Maybe he feels it also. Sounds like you guys have a great friendship and that is a good start to getting back together.
2007-09-12 10:51:03 · answer #7 · answered by Holly C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have to question why you broke up to begin with. Do you think that these problems have gone away over those nine years? Or do you think that the same problems would come up again?
If you really think there is a future, maybe you could drop a few hints that you miss being married to him, and see what he says.
2007-09-12 10:25:20 · answer #8 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask him out on a date first and see where things go.
2007-09-12 10:25:46 · answer #9 · answered by moonchild 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should tell him.
If you're getting along so well and spending so much time together, there's no reason not to try again.
2007-09-12 10:26:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may as well tell him, cause face it, no one else has a chance with either one of you. You two are way too involved with each other, no matter what the reason is...and the kids are a great reason, by the way.
2007-09-12 10:25:38 · answer #11 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋