i strong need to vent...any clue how to cope?

Question

okay ive been married for a few years and my husband has not worked since weve been together....long story short, he knows that i cannot afford certain luxuries and yet adds to the bills each month. To top it all off, this month his cell bill was far too much for me to pay and we talked about the fact that I could not pay it... I went to check my account to see what we had left and HE PAID THE BILL WITHOUT TELLING ME>...now my account is going to be so negative that i wont have any money to pay bills or take care of the kids as i need to...we have no other family and no other way to make it..He always puts this guilt thing on me by getting frustrated when im upset when he does this(not the first time)i changed my acct & I didnt even know he had access to it until I saw the payment posted...every time we get into it, it allways ends up being my fault and im the one to carry the guilt and stress when my kids needs arent met, he sleeps easy, im tired...i cant leave so what to do?

i already know he needs to get a job...i cant fill out the application and make him want the job...and leaving would only hurt my children and i dont believe that is the right thing to do..ive talked, yelled, prayed,,,what else?

Answer 1

You gotta get tough! I know easier said then done, but you HAVE to make decisions especially since you have children, if not for yourself then for them. What example are you showing them by allowing your husband to take advantage of you in this way.

Consider your husbands prospects. Does he have a degree? If not then he has nothing to fall back on and is a deadbeat. Sorry to say that but if he had a degree then I could say OK, he is working towards a career and give the guy a break. You deserve to have money to pay your bills and make sure you have a suitable home environment for you and your kids.

You are just wasting your time by venting, because that means you arejust going to keep doing just that, VENTING. In the meantime your husban is going to keep disrespecting you and your money.

He gives you the guilt trip because he knows it works and he is not thinking about you but himself. He is not even considering the children.

You have to get backbone real quick and draw the line. Put your foot down and be prepared should you need to bail out of your marriage. I know you don't want to hear this or leave, but you might have to put him out, SERIOUSLY.

You can love someone and be tough, but not be taken advantage of. Because right now you are not loving yourself. I know you don't want to hear this but your actions indicate otherwise. You are filled with stress and its boiling up inside you and it might come out at the wrong time and in the wrong place.

To manage and get yourself through it, release the stress through exercise. Yoga is a great stress reliever, but there are many varieties of yoga (hatha is soft, while bikram, and ashtanga or power yoga are more challenging) and you should choose the one that works for you. Running is also great along with boxing and weight training. The latter two might seem more for men but those are just myths woman are made for both.

Meditation is also a great way to relieve stress, there are any resource . I like Deepak Chopra and if your going to start yoga there is a great meditation and chant by Beryl Bender Birch

Answer 2

Your far too easy. Regardless of what you plan to do, let him think that either you or he is going to move away if he doesn't get some form of helping with the bills. Simply tell him the truth. That you are tired of being taken advantage of and something has got to give. If he is not working and your income is all the income that there is, then you can easily take care of yourself and the children. So why can't you leave? Just make sure that you cancel his cell phone first. OR what you could do is get a post office box for your personal mail. This may cost you 20 dollars or so a year. Have your bills sent to the post office box. Then change your account again. If your bank statement doesn't come to your house, then he can't get access to it.

Answer 3

First you need to get an account that is in your name alone, if this one was and he added his name by himself go to the bank and demand the money be put back in your account. Even married he can't just add his name to an account you opened, it's not legal. Then cancel the cell phone (he's not working, he's at home, doesn't need one), tell him if he wants a cell get a job and get one. Since you are paying all the bills and he doesn't care about anyone but himself you should speak with a lawyer and toss his butt out. You've been married a few years, this isn't going to change, it's only going to get worse. Cut your losses now!

As to your children, he is a really poor example to them. This is not good for you or them. If you want to set a good example for them, throw him out. Show them that being strong and independent is the only way to make your way in life.

Answer 4

You may not be able to leave but why can't you make him? You're obviously carrying the financial load anyway and would be able to do it alot easier without him adding to your struggles. I know you don't want to listen/believe this but IF he loved you and your children, he'd be doing EVERYTHING he could to support them as real MEN do. You and your children deserve better than this deadbeat.

Answer 5

why would he work? you're supporting his lazy *ss. if it's your account, how could he use it to pay the bill? why not just disconnect the damn phone? he doesn't need it at all. come on. stand up and do what you need to do.he's a controlling jackass. get out

Answer 6

Have you tried leaving?...with your kids? He's hurting you and your kids. You're enabling his lazy butt, and he's taking full advantage of this.

Tell me this...why is it that a grown man, and father none the less, does not have a job?

Answer 7

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