What do you think of living together then marrying after a couple of years?

Question

Don't you think that getting to know someone more then marrying the devils or angel you know makes a marriage last long, as most people who marry before really knowing each other always get a rude shock. Sometimes love is not enough.

Answer 1

I don't know.

I lived with my wife for almost 4 years before we got married. Been married 11+ years now. I know people that lived together for 5 years, got married and are now divorced. I know people that did NOT live together prior to marriage. Some are still together, others are divorced.

I think it has much more to do with the couple and their willingness to work together to make the marriage last. While I do believe that living together can minimize the shock that comes with learning what a person is like 24/7, it is not a substitute for a couple that works together as a team.

Marriage is a 2 player sport. However, it takes two to start the game, but only one person to take their glove and "go home". So the chances of success has more to do with the couple not giving up on each other, or the relationship, than it does the pre-marital living arrangements.

Answer 2

This really is a matter of opinion because there are some who will say that you love some one for thier fault. My sister has lived with several men in her life married two of them and had two divorces. I didn't live with my husband and we have been together for 6 years and married for 4 now. I also have to say that marriage does change people. I don't really understand why it does other than you now belong to eachother and it is possessiveness and jealousy that come into play. If you truly love someone then love really is all you need because you will be blind to your partners faults.....If you can't overlook thier faults then you don't truly love them.
Momma_Bear

Answer 3

Doesn't matter.....marrying my second husband still became a rude shock....people change regardless and sometimes not for the better.
We new each other for two years prior to marriage and lived together for almost a year and after 3 years of marriage he started to become abusive...it doesn't matter if you get to know them, they can change at any time.

Answer 4

Marriage is a commitment. If you think you need to "try each other out" first, you aren't ready for that commitment. Once you decide to get married, it's for better or worse. Not until you find out he leaves wet towels on the floor. You're right, love isn't enough, but living together isn't the solution. It's just playing house.

Answer 5

I think the divorce rate of couples living together before marriage is higher. People who live together do not give marriage much importance. As a parent how many men/women would you like to see your child to live with before s/he decides to get married.

Answer 6

True, sometimes love is not enough, but most things you will find out if you date someone long enough, say two years. You don't necessarily have to live with them to get a feeling for how they function. You can see if they are slobs or not without having to live in the same home. You'll find out how they handle good times, bad times, family crisis, your family. You'll see how they handle finances, responsibilities, you learn their values and goals in life. ALL of this you can do without living together.

That said, I lived with my "now hubby" for about a year before we got married, and I regret it now because I feel like it set a bad example for his children who were 4 and 6 at the time.

Answer 7

In reality, if you live together before marriage, you are more likely to end up in divorce. The number of couples living together has increased since the 50s or so, and so has the divorce rate!

The problem, in my eyes, is usually the guy. They see no reason to marry a girl they are already living with. You are already "playing house", and they see no reason to get married. When they do decide to marry, I don't think they realize that marriage is different- its a commitment. You can't just decide, "hey, I'm tired of this" and leave. There's a whole legal process to go through instead of just moving out.

If you really love someone, and they're the one, you shouldn't have to live with them to confirm it. So what if they have annoying habits? Everyone does. If there is a habit so bad that it calls for divorce (other than cheating and abuse, of course) let me know. The wife leaving her makeup out or the husband leaving his underwear in the floor is something that you will get over and work out. If you need time before marrying to work stuff like that out, you have bigger issues.

Answer 8

I think it's a wonderful idea! Not exactly politically correct but who cares lol. I dated a guy for two years...we got pregnant moved in together...it didn't work out. We broke up he has a good relationship with the baby. I am just glad we tried "playing house" before deciding to get married, because it would have resulted in divorce. You never truly know someone until you live with them!

Answer 9

I think that is the best way to go about it in my opinion, when you live together first it is kind of like a trial basis before the big step. You learn so much more about that person than you would if you were just dating and living separately. You learn how much they clean, do laundry, how fast they pay bills when they come in, how often they cook, mow the lawn, watch t. v . play on line, etc. etc. the list goes on and on, but you are really more involved in there daily routines then you ever would be if you lived apart. which makes you understand a lot more about the person that you plan to marry.

Answer 10

I think living together is a good idea. I think you'd know in about 6 mos whether you should marry. It's a lot easier splitting from living together than getting a divorce.