My children, and the mistress that snuck around with my husband for a 1 1/2 years lying and cheating?

Question

My husband lives with the woman that caused are divorce. She has been with several 'live in" boyfriends with her kids. She has threatened to spank one of my kids, they're constantly being hurt because of lack of supervision, my kids say that she is always yelling loudly at them over little things and punishing them. I pay for my son to play soccer on "my time" with my kids I'm glad his father can be there because I want their father to be involoved with them. I've asked that she not come because it's my time, I paid for it and I don't want to feel uncomfortable while I'm spending time with my kids. He says that is too bad it is a public place and she can go if she wants. I hate her sooo... much. She lives in my old home and spends the time that I can't with my kids. I still can't grasp the fact that I don't have my kids all the time. It's not fair to me that I have to see the woman that destroyed my marraige everyday. Am I being unreasonable?

Answer 1

Hold the phone here what is wrong with this picture,for one thing why does your husband have the kids, two how come he has the house.Something your not telling us because this whole thing just isn't right.I don't blame you for being mad you have a right to be p i s s e d at her and your ex i would be steaming if i were you.Why was your kids taken from you?

Answer 2

You are not being unreasonable to not want to see this woman when you see your kids. However, she is possibly on her way to becoming their stepmother, and there really is no reason she can't show up to a public kids soccer game (whether she should or not). It doesn't really matter that you paid for it-- if she had paid for it, would you really stay home if they asked you to?

Also, I do think you are being rather unfair placing all of the blame on her for destroying your marriage-- at least equal blame should be placed at your husband's feet. Sure, it's easier to call the other woman a "marriage ruiner" and so on-- but it took two to play that game, and they both are at fault. Accepting this might help you see why your husband seems to have so little concern for your feelings in this matter (saying "too bad, it's a public place" etc.)

Answer 3

I can only imagine what you're going thru its a situation that is common unfortunately man/woman that are left by there spouses have to pick up the peices of there shattered lives will hit rock bottom in some way only too become a stronger person at the other end of the road by the sounds of things your still bitter about whats happen and by all means you have the right the only peice of advice i can give is you find a support group or councillor to talk to they will help you deal with whats happen in a more positive way the hate you have for this woman will settle but its going to take a very long time

Answer 4

I can certainly understand the hurt and anger you are feeling! As far as restricting the woman from coming to your kids games, spanking them, etc., you really need to consult a domestic relations attorney. I don't know if you can set up boundaries in the court documents regarding that or not. But for your own well being and peace of mind, I would suggest you might want to talk to a counselor about the feelings you are having. It's good to talk to an objective person about these things, someone who is trained to help you get over the loss you feel and can give you suggestions about setting up boundaries with this woman that can make you more comfortable so you can get on with your life. Big hug to you.

Answer 5

To an extent you are being unreasonable..First of all she didn't cause your divorce....She was a party to it...but not the sole reason...You and your husband need to take the blame as well. I can certainly understand why you wouldn't want her to attend the soccer games..but unfortunately she does have the right to be there...being it is a public place...if she had any once of compassion she wouldn't show up out of some respect for you...but obviously she doesn't have any compassion nor respect because she allowed herself to get involved with your husband. I am sorry that you have to deal with this woman...it does seem unfair...but there isn't much you can really do.

Answer 6

I am right there with you - my husband left me for his mistress of 5 years. They are now married. Fortunately, she is nice to my kids - but it still burns my ass to know that she "won" and now has 1/2 of my family. But - don't let it control you. Remember - those who anger you control you. That's where she continues to "win". You need to let go - get some counseling. You have to come to terms with the fact that like it or not - this is the way things are. It's hard. It's sucks. Big time. Try to get involved in some extracurricular activities of your own to occupy your time while your kids are away from you. Then enjoy the time that you do have with them and make the most of your relationship with your kids. Your love and affection as their mother is more important than ANYTHING else and that's one thing that she'll never have.

On another note, if violence or other harmful behavior does ensue at their father's household then I would certainly go back to court to file a motion to modify your divorce decree and the visitation aspects of it.

Good luck! I'm on year 3 of being without my family and it does get easier. I've spent a lot of time in counseling and at church to learn how to enjoy life again - even without my kids.

Answer 7

No you're not being unreasonable. I realize alot of people hate what I am about to say, but I must tell you that having a relationship with Jesus is really beneficial in times like these. I would pray and ask God to change the situation - and he will. He's done it for me too many times in situations that no human can possibly handle. There's no better advice I can give. Secondly, try not to hate her, because we all suffer consequences for what we dish out. Your ex's foolishness will not go unaccounted for. The situation he's in right now, probably won't last long anyway. Affairs don't bring the bliss that people long for when they get into one. Things will get better.

Answer 8

I understand how you feel, I've been there, my ex married her. Luckily my children are grown so custody wasn't an issue but it is hard seeing her at gatherings but there is nothing you can do about that. Someone suggested counseling and that is an excellent idea. I know it helped me. As far as the spanking goes you need to sit down with your ex and calmly explain to him that when the kids are with him he is responsible for their well being and hitting children is child abuse. If he doesn't agree or won't take responsibility, you must see a lawyer and protect your children. Good Luck

Answer 9

no, but you are putting your anger in the wrong place. you are mad at the woman and not the ex-husband.(you can be mad but don't hate) look i know she broke up your life and is mean to your kids, but you have to understand that your husband has lots of control in this matter. he can stop all of that. as for the soccer games, i would relax on that. you should be happy that someone is coming to see your child play that is not you. take it as a complement. she is not you and it sounds like she is a bad parent. work on talking with your ex and seeing about more hours with the kids. be the grown up. You need to know that this just opens up your life. work on him and the rest will fall in place. if he didn't leave you for her it would have been another woman.

Answer 10

That is a truly sucky situation!! The best thing you can do is to get on with your life and eventually you will not care about her. In the mean-time - remember that the best way to get under her skin is to be incredibly nice, sweet and loving to your X!!! You know him better than her. You know how to act to accomplish this. Your kids will be happier with a good relationship between their parents. Soon, his new life will show the wounds and passage of time and he will look at you like why did I leave her??? But you will be happy in your new life and that will feel great. Good Luck!