How do you know when you just don't have that feeling with your spouse anymore?

Question

I think I got married to young. I loved him so much when we got married, but it feels like we are going diffrent directions in life, he is in the military and wanting to retire from it and i'm not so sure its what I want in life. I was set on going to school to make something of my self, but ended up getting married it just all happend so fast and now I feel like I'm stuck and didn't accomplish anything in life. what would you do? help please!!

Answer 1

The solution to feeling like you have not accomplished anything is to set a goal and accomplish it. After we got married, I went back to school and got a master's degree. After we got married, my wife went back to school and got a bachelor's degree. Since getting married, we have vacationed in D.C., Las Vegas, Florida, and the Caribbean. Since marriage I have changed my career twice. Even in marriage, you can make new friends, try new things, have new adventures, learn, and grow as a person. Marriage doesn't mean you have to be stuck. No, on the contrary, marriage is a solid, secure base from which you can expand your horizons.

So figure out what you want to do and GO for it!

Answer 2

Hi. I married at 20. My husband was 27. We have been married for 18 years. Believe me, every day is not going to be anything like it was when you were dating. You don't say how old you are now, but I am guessing mid 30s? I didn't finish my History degree until 2005; It took me 19 years after I graduated from high school. The reason I am telling you this is that you are NEVER to old to do start something. You feel stuck because you are getting depressed when you see other women your age in a career, with kids (I don't know if you have any), making $$..etc.
You ARE going different directions in life. You both are. You are grown up and have separate likes and dislikes. This is normal and hopefully you'll continue to have different ideas/desires/likes/dislikes. You probably already know that you both agree to disagree on many issues. I urge you to not be fatalistic about your situation. Your life and desires do NOT completely revolve around what your husband wants. I am sure that somewhere deep inside you really do love him - probably more than you realize.
I got married because I loved him AND I was pregnant. The first 5 or 6 years was REALLY hard. This is because I held fast to my ideas and likes. I have a pretty strong/assertive personality. It has taken many years to learn to deal with each other's differences. That is life. I really hope that you make a decision that is in YOUR best interest.

Answer 3

What's the problem here? You don't want to spend time with your man? Sounds like you are being selfish and only want what's best for you. Age isn't really anything but a number, it's the life experiences that matter. Why not make the best out of the situation? Be happy to have him there with you, tell him to take up some classes with you at school. Go out and party at a bar meet new and interesting people...basically just act young again. How old is he anyways? and you? Stop whining and love your man...all he has done is provide for you and this is the thanks that he gets? Don't forget that he also served our country...our military people deserve better from us!

Answer 4

For now, I'd say do some things that make you sense a feel of accomplishment and pride- perhaps go back to school. I think it would be a healthy distraction. What you're feeling I suppose is normal for someone who married young - you feel like you didn't sow all your wild oats, which is something I tell my daughter, live first, so you don't have regrets later. In your case that's water under the bridge, but moving forward if you just don't love him and feel totally disconnected that's one thing and I'd say you have a decision to make. But if it's a case of idle time, feeling bored with yourself and the marriage, do something to make you feel "engaged" in life again, maybe this will spill over into your marriage, it can happen.

Answer 5

Being married doesn't mean you have to give up who you are sweetie. I learned that the hard way when I married young myself. While he's away on duty use that time to take classes and earn that degree you always wanted. I believe that the government covers tuition for spouses too I'm not sure. If you do neglect your own goals then yes it will be damaging to your marriage but just like you're supporting his goal to be in the military his responsibility is to support the goals you have as individual as well.

Good Luck and get registered for those classes.

Answer 6

You just know.... You do not look forward to going home; You don't want to talk to him; look at him; you begin to miss the fun you had when you both meet... you start to think back to when he wined you and dined you. You no longer want to be intimate with him. When you speak toeach other you do not have anything good to say. you have no more SPARK in your relationship. You say you got married young, How old were you and are you now??? Maybe you did get married young but you say he is in the military so he isn't around. Why do you feel this way then... Have you met someone else??

Answer 7

Some people marry for the wrong reasons. Not only that...you have to do A LOT of compromising in certain situations that will hold back the things you wish to do (such as going to school). By your question, their could be a lot of things happening in your relationship, but always trust yourself FIRST, and try not to let anyone side track you. If your man loves you, I'm sure he'll understand. He might be feeling the same way. But if there are more odds in your relationship of not understanding one another, than you need to work out for what's best for you.

Answer 8

I got married way too yuoung also to the man I thought was my whole world needless to say we are going through a divorce now and I'm happier I made something out of y life I have a good respectable job that I LOVE and I can support my 7 year old

Answer 9

That's why it is impotant not to marry to young so that you can do the things you want to do that makes you happy. Get good education dont give up because you can still have those things if you work hard at it. If it feels like you are going different ways because you didnt sit down and discuss what you and him both wanted out of life and marriage is like being one person working to accomplish whats best for both of you.

Best of luck

Answer 10

You have a two options, either stick with your marriage and continue with school, you can go back and accomplish your goals. Or get a divorce and continue with school and accomplish your goals. Either way, it's up to you to do what you want to do. Yes, you may have married young, but think of all those people out there who are stuck in the dating scene trying to get what you have. I think that sometimes we get bored and complacent in our relationships and we don't want to exert the extra effort to really make it work. The goals you have separate from your marriage can always been attainable, you just have to work hard for it. Now, if you've just fallen out love with your husband and you have exhausted all avenues to try to make it work. Then it's time to just say goodbye. Either way, do what is best for you.