My Husband has become super clingy. I have a very independent side and like to go out with my friends and do things by myself. We spend more time together than most people do. Every time I ask him about doing something or tell him I'm going out he freaks. Is this normal? Do all married couples spend every waking minute together? He always assumes I'm going to leave him if I go anywhere by myself. We have no kids...
2007-09-12 08:30:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This happens to men but usually not after marriage. Somehow he's read signals from you that make him feel like he's losing you which over time makes him more and more clingy. He may have put all of his trust in someone before and gotten burned.
If you are happily married to the guy you married then you have to sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms that enough is enough and if you continue to lose respect for him it may cause the relationship to deteriorate. Assure him that you are quite happy in the marriage and that you need occasional time to yourself.
I've done this myself and lost the woman over it. Thankfully I wasn't married to her but I did learn a valuable lesson from it.
Being a man to a woman is all about being a man.
2007-09-12 08:41:15 · answer #1 · answered by m_c_m_a_n 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people "freak out" about sudden changes. If throughout the day they had imagined they'd be having supper at IHOP, they aren't going to be happy about going elsewhere, even if it's Ruth's Chris. Most people like a feeling of control, of choosing what happens to them instead of just enduring what others choose to make happen.
Try to make your plans in advance, so that he has time to get reconciled to the idea of your absense. Consult him, when possible, and ask whether it would suit him better for you to have lunch with the girls on Wednesday or Thursday. These ploys should help a bit, but they don't get to the root of the problem.
He needs pursuits and interests that don't include you. No offence, but he sounds like a spoiled child that doesn't know how to entertain himself and expect momma to be there to entertain him. Refuse. Even when you are both home, set aside times to ignore him utterly. Announce something like "I have a few hours worth of mending to do today. Is there any reason I can't get started right after lunch?" Refuse to give him your attention during this time. Tell him to either find a way to entertain himself without disrupting your activity or LEAVE THE HOUSE.
Along with this, begin some couples activity that he can also persue on his own, perhaps golf lessons or working out a local gym, community theater or volunteer work. Then gradually absent yourself from this to persue your own interests. Twit him mercilessly if he chooses to stay home and pout rather than attend rehearsal simply because you're having lunch with the girls.
Last caution is to include him in your activities enough to quell any suspicions he may be harboring. Invite your "outside friends" over to your home a few times a year so that your "outside interests" aren't so mysterious and intimidating. Maybe even invite him along now and then. But I firmly agree with you that there is such a thing as too much togetherness and marriage is no excuse to abandon all ones other interests OR to live in one anothers' pockets. Good luck.
2007-09-12 09:19:28 · answer #2 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has a control issue. Something has obviously happened recently to make his behaviour change (you said he has become super clingy, so I assume he wasn't always that way). He may have heard something about a friend, or you may have said or done something that he interpretted the wrong way. The truth is that it is healthy to have alone time or time with other people other than our partners.
You need to go out with him for a drink and get him to spill his guts in terms of what is bothering him. Ask him directly, why do you think I am going to leave. Respect whatever he comes up with and don't belittle or think he is silly for feeling that way. If you respect his feelings, hear him out and rectify the situation, you may find that he calms down and you can get your life back.
2007-09-12 09:18:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very normal for a husband not to want the little wife to go out without him because he knows there are men like him out there just waiting to bounce on you. He is looking at it from a mans point of view if a drop gorgeous female walked up to him and says buy me a drink the man will do it thinking he is going to get laid tonight. It's hard for a husband to realize why we want to go out without them.Most women go out to have a good time drinking dancing then home that's all it is .My husband never believed me that that's all i did when i went out with my friends.
2007-09-12 09:27:09 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he's waaaay too clingy. Just because you're married doesn't mean you should be spending every waking moment together. Not that there's something wrong with doing it - if both spouses are ok with it - but it doesn't sound like you are.
2007-09-12 08:38:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not being funny, but has he always been like this or is it a recent thing??
If he has always been this way, then I suggest putting your foot down and telling him his behavior is unreasonable and you won't put up with it!!
If its a recent thing, I suggest you ask him if he has cheated on you...because if someone has cheated, guilt often turns to paranoia when they realize that because they did it so easily, you might do it too....just a suggestion.
2007-09-12 08:37:30 · answer #6 · answered by Amanda 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may just be having some insecurity issues.
You need to have a sit-down with him and discuss both your feelings with each other, preferably without fighting. Perhaps a session or 2 of therapy might help. :-)
2007-09-12 08:35:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well.. this is how me and my GF are... but it's mutual for the most part.. when she goes out.. it's usually with her mom and sister.... but for you... and your situation.. i wouldn't say it's normal.. most married couples like their space too... umm newly weds maybe?... just talk to him.. tell him how much you love him and that sometimes you need a little independent time for yourself... which helps you appreciate your time with him more.... just be sure to make him feel as secure as possible..
2007-09-12 08:37:02 · answer #8 · answered by delco714 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe in the past he cheated on you without you knowing and now he thinks either you will or are going to do the same thing.
2007-09-12 08:36:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may be going a little overboard by saying this because I don't know him...but it sounds like he has a dependent personality, or he may be extremely insecure or jealous. Check this out....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dependent_personality_disorder
Just a thought.
2007-09-12 08:37:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋