husband wants to move to suburbs of new jersey. i want to stay in manhattan. i hate the 'burbs. we have no kids. only a golden retriever. i would rather live in a box in the city than live in the 'burbs with the soccer moms and bratty teenagers wearing juicy couture and driving beamers. i like not having to drive everywhere and having an easy commute and having diversity and everything the city has to offer. both of us won't budge, is this the end of our relationship? thanks.
2007-09-12 07:08:05 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we own, we don't rent.
2007-09-12 07:19:16 · update #1
madhavan. uh, i am a strong american woman. i understand you are indian, the culture is totally different. here, we don't 'obey' our husband.
2007-09-12 07:40:17 · update #2
madhavan. uh, i am a strong american woman. i understand you are indian, the culture is totally different. here, we don't 'obey' our husband.
2007-09-12 07:44:16 · update #3
Well, you're married, not just dating. I can't imagine that this issue suddenly arose. It's something you guys must have talked about in the past, and thought you'd wait.
I totally understand you though, and agree: Manhattan is the place to live until you have kids.
We almost moved to NJ while still no kids, and I'm SO glad we didn't.
However, since our baby was born, we realized that the city wasn't the right place, and we moved since. Our life has changed with the baby, in a good way, we love our new life now, and I've gotten used to driving a car.
Make an agreement like that, if you feel it's worth the fight. But I'm concerned you're already half-way out, because I never thought of divorcing my husband over that.
2007-09-12 07:15:48 · answer #1 · answered by yogi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm..since you have been in Manhattan, where you want to be, why not give the burbs a try? Maybe rent your place out for a year and find a rental in the burbs. Give it a year and see how it goes. If you can not stand it, then move back when the year is up or that is when you will have decide what to do. At least give it a try and you never know, you may actually like it and you have put a label on a place that you don't even really know about. If you love your husband and want your marriage in tact, give up one year of your life for him. That is what I would do, but that's just me. Good luck!!
2007-09-12 14:26:06 · answer #2 · answered by 2008girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you shouldn't divorce. If you do, you shouldn't have been married to begin with. You guys both need to grow up and learn to compromise. I myself, have followed my husband around for 5 years for his job, actually we're moving to Chicago this Saturday. Before you start saying that if I would get an education to fend for myself, I wouldn't have to, I have a Masters degree, so I could, no problem. However, the marriage is what's most important. He's following a career that he has wanted his whole life. I'm not saying the woman should always be the one to follow the husband, I'm just saying that it's not WHERE you live that's important. If something this petty destroys your marriage, that's your own fault and you don't really love each other anyway.
P.S. I think you have a pretty "stereotypical" view of the suburbs. They're not all like that.
2007-09-12 14:24:52 · answer #3 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a snob you are you are putting down people you don't know kids you call bratty and soccer moms. I lived in upper New york for 4 months and all i saw when ever we would go to Manhattan was herds of very rued people. I grew up in the city of Maryland and i thought just like you about the burbs but when my son came along the city is know place to raise kids I don't care what city it is.My son was 3 when we moved, lets face it city schools are crap that was the main reason we moved.At first i hated it it was to quiet but within 6 months i started to love. If you love your husband you will go with him if you don't then that mean you don't love your husband enough to move and that's terrible to be beaten out by a city
2007-09-12 15:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same boat as you last year. I love living in the city, But my husband loves the beach. Luckily we found a place 20 minutes from both (between Houston and Galveston texas) We both figured we can be happy just having each other. Does he have a reason for not wanting to live in the city? Why dont you try to find a place on the outside of the city, but close enough to make you happy.
2007-09-12 14:15:49 · answer #5 · answered by Heather H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is better to live in the suburbs and own a property rather than live on a rental basis in Manhattan.
Over a period of time, you will build wealth.
As an example, a friend of mine bought a house in queens for $165,000 in a borough. Today, the property is worth $800,000 after 15 years.
With rental, what is you pay goes down the drain the very next month.
2007-09-12 14:16:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if neither of you are willing to budge, you have to ask yourself, are you willing to let this destroy your marriage? Are you willing to walk away from the one you love because you do not want to move?
Those are very hard questions to ask yourself, but when you have an answer to those questions, then you'll know if this is the end of your relationship.
If you realize that your husband means more to you than your zip code, then maybe you'll learn to love a new location. NYC is exciting.... but think of the adventure (not to mention the funny stories) you'll have about your new location! And maybe you'll meet somebody in a new town who feels EXACTLY like you do about the suburbs and you can hate on the soccer moms!
Look inside your self and think about all that you have with your husband before you just let it all go.
2007-09-12 14:24:36 · answer #7 · answered by wifey2david 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
um... is he cheating? that's the only reason i could think of to get a divorce other than spousal abuse. Otherwise(and don't think of me as a chauvinist please) I would stick with him and submit to his authority as your husband. This doesn't mean that you can't have your own opinion, it just means that you might be stuck living somewhere that you don't want to for a while. Also, don't hold a grudge against him for making you move or against yourself for allowing him to move you... it'll eat you up inside.
Here's my advice... make a compromise with him. Spend a year in the burbs, and if it isn't all it's cracked up to be, move back to the city. Hard times make relationships stronger. How strong do you want your relationship to be?
2007-09-12 14:22:42 · answer #8 · answered by Creature 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your relationship is based upon where you are going to live, then yeah, it's over. If it is based upon love, trust, mutual respect, communication and compromise, then no, you can work this out. What do you love about your husband? Is he the love of your life? It sounds like this relationship may have more problems than where to live.. You need to compromise with each other and figure out if it's the issue of the move that's the problem or something else.
2007-09-12 14:16:07 · answer #9 · answered by Jayne Savage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys loved each other so much to vow to each other to "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer." But the love can't stand the test of where you both want to live? No, this silly thing is not something you divorce over. If you divorce and can't live without this person, what's the point? Marriage is like dancing the tango...it takes two....the answer to it is "Everlansting love and compromise." Think it over. I know you will make a good decision about your relationship. Good luck!
2007-09-12 17:56:34 · answer #10 · answered by Xine Olivia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋