If dieting and exercising and therapy haven't helped me love myself.. what will?

Question

I'm 27 years old and I cannot imagine a day I'll be comfortable in my own skin. I'm sick of feeling this way. I have taken therapy in the past and I have dieted and exercised, etc., etc. Nothing helps me!!!!!! Nothing! I'm so incredibly self conscious about my body. My boyfriend is sick of me putting myself down and so is everyone else. But I can't help it. I really wish I loved myself more. Everyone tells me I'm crazy for calling myself fat, but I feel like they say that just to make me feel better. I don't know what to do. I have been told by everyone that it's all in my head and that I am "beautiful" but I feel like it's 100% a crock of you know what!!!!

That's why I'm asking for advice. I realize that everyone is telling me I'm crazy but something inside of me thinks they are all just trying to make me feel better by saying that but they aren't being truthful!!

Answer 1

Please read your own question. If "everyone" tells you you are crazy, that pretty much defines it, doesn't it? Besides, what difference does it make how you see yourself? What matters is if your boyfriend thinks you are beautiful, right? I mean he is the one who has to look at you. He is the one who has to kiss and love you.

Isn't it important that he is OK with how you look? Don't you want to look attractive to him? Women get far too caught up in how they look to themselves. That is really not very important when it comes to physical appearance. How do you look to those who matter to you?

As far as loving yourself, that has nothing to do with how you look. Some of the most beautiful people in the world hate themselves and some of the most physically unattractive people love themselves.

Would you stop loving your family and friends if something happened to them to make them look ugly? Of course not. You owe the same level of respect to yourself. You have to love yourself because of who you are not what you look like. Beauty does not guarantee or validate love. Why do you think old people still love each other just as much long after their looks are gone?

If you don't think those closest to you are being truthful who would you believe? Who's approval are you looking for? You have to figure out why you are doing this to yourself. Why do you think you are not "good enough"? Or are you just looking for more and more attention? A good psychologist should be able to help you find the root problem and help you fix it.

If you already tried therapy and failed you need to realize something. No one can cure you except you. A therapist can only ask you the critical questions. You have to come up with the real answers. If you are being less than completely honest, your therapy will not work.
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