honestly i am a mother of 4, but all my life ,my so called husband has never been around seeing the kids growing talkless of shouldering his responsibilities as a man . whenever need arises , if i called him for assistance is either he complains about the children school fees is too much or he is saving for their future. do you think the kids might need his savings later or is there something wrong with him. Rightnow i am fed up and i needed somebody but before doing this i need answers from you .Actually i am 41year old mother
2007-09-12 03:55:03 · 11 answers · asked by cheryl k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well I hate to say it but maybe you shouldn't have had those 4 children with this guy because you could see that he just ain't getting with the program. Maybe you could look into what he has saved for their future and maybe that would help.
2007-09-12 04:03:54 · answer #1 · answered by DialM4Speed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men think differently than women about how to take care of children. for men, it's all about making money to support the kids....school, insurance, college. clothes etc. This is what they do. The mother is more loving and gives emotional support to the children. I think, in your case, he does what he is best at, and you have to do what you are best at. He is the provider,and you are the warmth in the home that keeps it together. It sounds like your husband has a job that keeps him away from home. If you don't work, you need to pull yourself together,and do what you can while your husband is bringing home the money to support you and the children. Personally, I think you are feeling sorry for yourself. Many women raise the children while the men work long hours and are gone days at a time. I think it would be good to start appreciating him and letting him know what a great job he is doing. And in turn, he needs to tell you how much he appreciates how well you are handling things at home. Look for the good in him and tell him. I may not be seeing the whole picture here in your situation, but I DO know that you need to respect and appreciate each other much more than you are doing.
2007-09-12 04:15:37 · answer #2 · answered by The pink panther 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm confused about your total complaint. If he won't help with the kids (take them to lessons, ball practice, etc.), then he needs to step up and you are right to complain. Kids need a father who will be there for them and help them learn to be adults. If your complaint is that he withholds money you need for them, your complaint is also valid, but maybe he doesn't HAVE the money to give you (in which case maybe you should get a part time job to help). IF, however, he has the money, but he's stingy....then you need to explain to him that the children's basic needs have to be met, savings or not. Yes, savings are important....maybe the kids want to go to college (that costs a bundle even if they get loans and/or scholarships). You will need money for your retirement, too. But the immediate needs of the family should come first. Maybe you could see an accountant together and put a "budget" together that you could both live with. The accountant is an impersonal third party who could maybe explain to your husband that all families need a budget to live by so that you all know what money comes in, what goes out, and what your immediate needs are and what your savings are. Good luck!
2007-09-12 04:06:55 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its tough. My mom has the same problem us growing up. My Father was never there. We (my 2 sisters and me) never really had a father figure. We turned out okay. She gave us more love than any parents could ever give to their children.
If he's not really there. Might as well. What's the difference?.
Think about the kids. They're the most important.
2007-09-12 04:07:42 · answer #4 · answered by pitch black 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to hear your husband is irresponsible and a whiner. be strong in your disposition in life.
be resourceful on engaging on income-generating projects to support your kids.
talk with your husband about these to improve your relationship and for him to help you out.
talk to your kids, explain the real situation and let them be aware the importance of saving and being practical in life.
if you still love your husband then stay married to him and work this out well.
good luck to you.
2007-09-12 04:04:05 · answer #5 · answered by Rio Negro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry having problem understanding your question ... are you asking if your husband is in the wrong for saving for their future ... then my answer would be absolutely not ... I have savings for both of my children and it is for their future ... EX: car, college, household needs. I think its awsome your husband is thinking of the childrens future expenses
2007-09-12 04:05:37 · answer #6 · answered by Mama To 2 Onry Girls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel bad for you, but you did put yourself into this situation. Did you not realize after child #1 that he was irresponsible? Why did you keep having his children?
2007-09-12 04:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Before doing what?
2007-09-12 04:16:02 · answer #8 · answered by m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say if you two are married or not. I assume not. I think you should file with whatever state you live in to force him to pay child support. If you two are married - divorce his sorry butt and then force him to pay child support!
2007-09-12 04:03:46 · answer #9 · answered by Bear~~~ 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
can't change anyone but ourselves.
he's an idiot.
2007-09-12 04:02:30 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋