Relationship Advice?

Question

I've gone through many bad relationships, my trust level is not quite where it used to be. And I have been moving on and I have been happy. Only I find that when I meet guys, even ones perfect for me, I run. Only I did meet one guy, amazing, and I'm not running. Good for me right? No, he is backing away now. I understand this isn't healthy, and I'm not asking what I can do for him to be intrested in me, if its not there for him its not there for him. I'm actually asking what I can do to stop thinking about him, I can't stop. Anything that has worked for anyone... this is hard from me, coming from a women who knows how to run... so please keep answers serious and helpful, thank you.

Answer 1

I can totally relate to your case girl..... sounds pretty much like my own situation. I've visited a couple of shrinks and that has helped me quite a bit. I've learned a few things throughout my sessions and I will describe the main idea in as few words as I can: being fearful only causes our fears to become a reality. If you're always fearing that guys will be unfaithful to you, or will not love you the same way you love them, or that your relationships will never work, that is exactly what is going to happen. Our insecurities are very easily projected. Men realize about them and some of them take advantage of you when they see you're weak or fearful. Also, fear keeps us from putting all of our positive energy into the relationship and pushes the other away (or we run away from him/her, or both). You definitely have to trust more.... I'm not saying that you have to trust people blindly, that's a BAD idea..... you always have to be cautious, even with your own family, friends, etc....... but you do have to try to show your fears less and be more secure, because that's the only way peopl will respect you and take you seriously in every kind of relationship. I know it's easier said than done, it takes time and effort and in my case therapy has been a good help. As someone else said, keeping yourself busy is a good idea too. I hope you get to overcome this because I know how terrible it is to feel this way and not enjoy any relationship to the fullest because you're always expecting something bad to happen....... but try to lower your guard just a bit and you will see you can still enjoy a relationship even while being cautious with your feelings.... good luck!

Answer 2

I would say you need to keep yourself busy. Is there anything that you've ever wanted to do or learn but haven't yet? Do that. Join a gym, take salsa dance lessons, learn fencing, or take an art class. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter as long as it will make you feel good and keep your mind off of him. I like physical stuff because then maybe you will be to exhausted to think about him at night, it'll help you sleep better. Also I think taking a walk or something isn't good enough. You need scheduled times you have to show up and do something, and where there will be an instructor to distract you. At the end of it, whether he comes back around or not you have learned something and improved yourself and you can always feel good about that

Answer 3

I have been burned several times also. Sometimes you don't get the love back that you want.. unrequited love is the hardest pain I think. The only thing that has made it better every time IS time. Time will heal you, but you have to just wait.

Also, I have a good relationship now, but I am always wondering when it will end. Last night I had an ENTIRE night of dreams where my woman was leaving me.. Oh well, we are the products of our experiences. All you can do is keep moving forward...

Answer 4

It's good to hear that you finally let your guard down enough to care again. It's sad to hear however that the one you did let in is not the one for you. Ok, so now you know that and it's time to move on. I say put yourself out there and try again. He may be taking up space in your heart right now but you at least know that you have a heart to give and you may not be running as fast as you were before. Give it a little time and try to keep busy but also pat yourself on the back for giving happiness another shot. You are one in the big pack of us who have all experienced our share of bad relationships and yet you are surviving strong as ever with more wisdom to boot. These experiences do not have to make you bitter and afraid to open your heart again if you do not let them. So go girl, get out there and find that Mr. Right who will be available when you are!

Answer 5

Listen, I just went through a very similar situation, but mine ended in him pulling completely away. I fell in love with this guy and I lost control of my emotions and told him.....BIG MISTAKE!!! A man wants to be with a woman who knows how to control her emotions. If you don't then he will put you in the "crazy" category. So my guess is maybe you told him how you feel??? If so just back off. There is nothing you can do to stop thinking about him. No cure for it. You just have to let time pass and you will stop thinking about him every minute, it will be every few minutes, until it gets to every so often. Also women also tend to think the worst when a man pulls away. Picture what you want to happen or the best case scenario instead of the worst...Good Luck

Answer 6

We have all been through the dating phase in our lives. Relationships will come and go until the match is perfect for marriage. I think women always think, is this the guy for me to marry? And guys always think, someone to have a fling with until I am ready to move on. We are all searching for the right mate. Our feelings get hurt when the relationship ends because we are always thinking, "this is the one!" We can't be in love with the idea of marriage. We also have to have the working knowedge of what makes a marriage work and the experience to make it grow.

Answer 7

Relationship require risk. At this point, you may not be ready to be risky. If you allow your past to shape your future, you will never grow. You should not attempt to suppress your thoughts about anybody because that goes against human nature. Instead, you should consider taking a risk and stop running away from possible relationship or your thoughts. If you do not one day take a risk, then nothing in your life will ever change. I know this is hard for you, but life is about taking risks which are extremely scary.

Answer 8

Honey you might wanna try getting out. Go out with your girlfriends and have fun. Chocolate always help heal a broken heart. Just remember men come 2 cents a dozen and if he doesn't want to be with a beautiful, intelligent, caring woman, then who needs him. Go look in the mirror throw on some really cute clothes that make you feel sexy and just go out. Have a ball first then find someone who will appreciate you for you!

Answer 9

In life, not everyone are fortunate to meet someone they love, and the someone also reciporcal. Thus, when we do meet the one, it's infact a tragery if we didn't cherish it or run away. As it's could be a regret for life.

There are also two choices for us. You can choose to love wholehearted, and may get hurt heavily; or you can choose to be more deserve, but you may not find a truth love.

The choice is your, and only you yourself can figure out what you want. Love can be hurt, but a life without love is a bigger tragery.

Answer 10

about u always running .. just keep reminding yourself everyone is a different person.. weather or not they will do the same thing is totally unpredictable. so you can't just assume. just try not to compare them together or expect the same thing to happen. ( i know it's not as ez as it sounds.)

as for this guy you really like... any information on his history with relationships would really help answer this better .... i would like to know cuz it may answer why he is shying away from you.

and on forgetting him.. eh.. there is never a good way to forget someone... i heard there was a studies on how many people who till their dieing day secretly always thought of their past love/fling/or potential love. BUT i think your are stuck on the thought on what it could have been. that he will be the best you've ever had. how it would feel to kiss him and so on and so forth... thats why you can't stop thinking of him. you just got to remember he isn't the only fish in the sea. their may be someone even better. (keeping busy is just putting off the thought of him... ignoring your feeling isn't the way to go..u'll still think of him later on, let yourself think about him and talk about it a lot ..let yourself understand it and come to termswith the situation.. it's the fastest way to accept thing how thing are. and forgetting.)


i hope this was helpful
good luck hun.
^_^