2007-09-12 03:45:29 · 19 answers · asked by gazelem1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You kinda have to side with your wife on this. You chose her after all. Not saying that your mom doesn't love you, I am sure she does, but why wouldn't she want you to be happy. Parents are supposed to want their kids to be happy, and if you love your wife, your mom has to accept it. If she doesn't, then she isn't looking for you to be happy, she is looking for you to he her little boy again. She won't like anyone you are with, so you may as well be with the one you already love!
2007-09-12 03:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by Kelly C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't provide much details on why your mom hates your wife, so I will try to give you some advice based on your question.
#1. Why does your mother hate your wife? What did your wife do to make your mother "hate" her? Maybe your mother is jealous that you have a woman (a wife) in your life now, that took her your mother's place and now mommy feels left out, therefore, she talks down on your wife. Talking down on someone else is just gonna make the person look bad.
#2. You married your wife, not your mother. Therefore, you side with your wife. Your wife and your kids are your top priority, everyone else (your mom, dad, siblings, friends,etc) comes second or third. If you can't side with your wife and you side with your mother, you are not ready to be married. If your mother is causing you to destroy your marriage (people do that because they have serious issues and are jealous) then terminate all contact with her, until she needs to respect your marriage. Do not pick up the phone when mommy calls, let the phone ring and let the answering machine pick it up. Do not visit your mom and do not let her in your house until the situation improves.
2007-09-12 11:01:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stand by your wife! My MIL and I got along great, until her son asked me to marry him. Then it was a different ball game. I didn't put up with it, but I wasn't ugly because that's his mother. I was so passive about it, when I would ask her to stop, it didn't work.
My husband ended up having to pull his mother aside and flat out told her, "She's my wife, she's my future and I love her. If you have a problem with her, deal with it privately. If you want to be a part of our family and have a relationship with your grandchildren, you will let whatever it is go and play nice. You will not be ugly to the mother of my children and never will you say an ugly word about her in front of them." That was 2 years ago when I was pregnant with our first child. She has never so much as looked at me funny and makes a point to be very thoughtful.
Draw the line in the sand very clearly and let your mother know what is acceptable and what isn't and the consequences of her actions if she decides to continue down this path. Then stick to your guns and follow through.
2007-09-12 11:00:39 · answer #3 · answered by Erin 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What your mom says on the right ear, let it out on the left ear.
Don't listen at all to your mom when you know the facts and blah she tells you would destroy your wife or marriage or trust on wife.
Don't let your wife and mom meet and stick to your wife if you truly love her.
Don't be such a "mammona" or mommy's boy like most Italians are.
Don't even side your mom and you can still respect her.
Don't inform her of many facts about your plans or your wife.
You can save your marriage by letting your wife be farthest as possible from the anger/rancour/blah blah of your mom.
You can still show respect to your mom yet stay loyal, loving, faithful and at the side of your wife.
True love stands the test of any clinger mom nor anything.
good luck.
Be neutral.
2007-09-12 11:00:55 · answer #4 · answered by Rio Negro 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just stick my your wife & let you mother know that she is not going anywhere.
I have had this problem with my mother in law for almost 5 years now. She like to try & make me feel like a bad wife & mother when I know it is not true.
My husband will now tell his mom that we are leaving b/c you are trying to make my wife uncomforatable. It seems to work well as long as he is always on my side!!
Best of Luck...... I think that there might me a rule that all mother in laws will hate the woman their son marries!
2007-09-12 11:30:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had several "in-laws" that were not to my liking, however, they don't have to be... as it is not me that has to live with them. Our children have thier own lives to live, they chose thier own paths to walk, as a parent I have softly expressed conserns, things to think about, however it is not my "right" to try to ruin or dictate anything to anyone. And my Dear, what parent would want to destroy your dreams, your loves. Hate is an unhealthy thing, nothing good comes of hate. Some mothers have control issues when it comes to thier children, they fear that they will no longer be on the top of the totem pole when it comes to the love of thier children, this is most common with Sons. I have had to accept my Son's decisions regardless of my "druthers" and I have to respect these wemon as they are now the mothers of my grandsons. If I chose to "hate" these wemon what would that teach my grandsons? What an awful position to put them in! Although your mother may not like or approve of your choice, it is not her right to dictate which road you will walk, which hill you will climb or which mud pit you chose to wallow in! Although we are always parents, we always love our children, part of that is trusting them enough and loving them enough to let them have thier own lives! If your mother will not respect your decision and will not respect your wife she should gracefully keep her distance and let you be you! Perhaps you will have to remind her of that! Best of Luck! Be Brave, Be Strong! Most of all, be true to yourself and to your commitments! Remember YOU have the right to stand up for your marriage!
2007-09-12 11:26:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make it clear to your mother that while you love her, she needs to respect your marriage and your wife...and that efforts to destroy your marriage will not be tolerated.
2007-09-12 10:51:04 · answer #7 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
why hates in the first place?
cos her son got stolen by another woman - wife?
or what? your mom needs to face the fact that you are now a man, has to have your own woman in life, tell her you still love her as a son and she is still an important woman in your life.
tell her, your wife is also your love, if she loves you, she should also love your wife too.
marriage includes marrying family members...
love a person is love all that he has.
2007-09-12 10:55:07 · answer #8 · answered by lost man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move away from the mother.....sorry but, you need to stick up for your wife. You need to tell your mother you love her but, you love your wife also and, she is going to have to respect that....
2007-09-12 10:53:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get some balls and let your mother know that her behavior will not be tolerated. Your first priority is your wife.
I was marrried to a man who let his mother mess with our relationship, I finally left, she won after 16 years of F****** Hell. What a loser he turned out to be. even failed our children.
2007-09-12 11:02:02 · answer #10 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋