This is so long and drawn out, i probably couldnt fit the details in here. here goes, my husband has a friend, only one friend, we left the navy and settled in this town because there is a good job for him, and i guess a friend for life. the problem is, we have gotten everything this guy has planned for, for his family, he let his finances slip down the tube, sold his car with no thoughts how to get into work, just assumed my husband was driving him. we have a house, 2 new vehicles, and my husband wants to hand him the title over to our 3rd one which we need the money on to pay back credit, i suggest my husband staying a lienholder and he told me that i wanted him to be a dick to his best friend. after this guy agrees to paying monthly payments on our car, he calls up my husband, who has been searching for his new truck for a long time now, finallly has it and says he saw the same truck my hubby just bought and wanted to see about financing it. there is much more, but im out of char
2007-09-12 03:43:25 · 11 answers · asked by Evie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ran out of characters, but to put it simply and plainly, we cosigned for a vehicle for this guy already, we bought our house, have our family, and this guy is straining us, our marriage. my husband doest see it, but he calls all the time, i silence phones, we take a vacation, he calls every day. they work together, because of him, my husband wont make other friends , wont have anything to do with my friends husbands, my husband has always been passive with our family, now he is defensive. its just wrong, it seems everything we do, this guy has to try to do, also, like try to get the same exact vehicle my husband has been looking for , for months now.any activity we try to do together, got ruined. time with other couples, ruined, i want this guy out of my life, i feel so bitter, im tired of being cash cow and my husband not wating to tell him NO, to anything
40 minutes ago
as sad as it sounds, I wish this guy would screw us over, and take the thousands dollar loss, he has a wife and
2007-09-12 03:44:10 · update #1
his wife just had a nervous breakdown, I dont think she can stand him around either, this is tearing up my idea of a happy home life
2007-09-12 03:45:34 · update #2
as for the brokeback mountain comment, ive tried to look at it in that way, and its not that. he says this guy always has a kind word for him, they agree on everything, but i have also seen, men dont treat their friends half as crappy as they do their families. my husband has never really showed this guy his true colors, never gets to see his anger, bad moods, that is saved for the familiy, so he is carrying his family (us) a lot of responsibility, and basically caretaker of a grown man with his own family, so the stress ccomes home with him. says he is more of a friend to him then i am, well, his friend doesnt get the bitc hing out like we do
2007-09-12 04:40:01 · update #3
we have been married over 4 yrs, friends since high school, he met this guy in the navyabout 4 yrs ago, and they ended up same ships and medically discharged within a yr of each other. i guess they have been following each other since aschool in military, assigned to same schools and ships. at first it was just sympathy by helping out, now like someone said, its like a tick, draining you dry, physically financially and emotionally
2007-09-12 04:44:57 · update #4
Sounds like your husband loves this guy more then you,he is definitely not putting you or your marriage first. I understand you hating this guy but he really isn't the real problem it's your husband he is the one that is letting all this happen why because he wants this guy in his life for some strange reason.How did your husband meet this guy and how long have the two of you been married.
2007-09-12 04:07:42 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not the bestfriend. The problem is your husband. Your husband is the enabler and he has allowed this so called friend of his to walk all over him. Stop worrying about the people outside of your marriage. Start working within. Tell your husband that you are losing respect for him because he has no backbone. Tell him that your marriage is suffering and that he needs to fix this. A person will use you and walk all over you as long as you let them. It is your husband's fault and it he doesn't see it then it is up to you to start deciding how much involvement you will have. I don't know the dynamics of your marriage. However, if it was me I would tell him that if he can't stop spending family resources (money and time) on his buddy that the two of you will have to seek counseling. If he refuses counseling go by yourself and try to find out what you should do. Be more asssertive and let him know that you are not tolerating it. Try to avoid saying nasty things about his friend, twist it around to being about your husband and the strain it is putting on the family.
If he doesn't change then you have a decision to make. Either you divorce him or you have to let the issue go. Once you have spoken your peace and have let him know where you stand there isn't much more you can do. If you have your own money maybe you should start keeping finances seperate and making him contribute his portion to family expenses and what is left he can do with as he pleases. Nagging him about his bestfriend and how you hate him will only make the situation worst. Be a strong woman and wife, make a decision, and stick with it.
2007-09-12 04:02:24 · answer #2 · answered by Junebaby 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say however as much as this guy might be the cause of these issues, the real problem is that your husband is choosing to let this happen.......
You need to have a serious, calm, loving talk with him and explain exactly what you can see happening. Ask him why he feels so strongly about helping this guy out and ask him how he perceives it when you get upset about it to better understand how he's seeing the situation.
Then explain to him how you perceive it when he goes ahead and helps this guy when he knows you're not happy about it and what concerns you have about your future together.
There's obviously a reason your husband has such a strong bond with this guy and you need to find out what it is and why so you can better understand the situation.
Just keep remembering that you and your husband are a team and remind him too so that you both realise that you're BOTH working towards a solution, not you against your husband trying to solve the issue on your own.
Best of luck.
Chi Chi x.
2007-09-12 04:07:22 · answer #3 · answered by Chi Chi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bet this friend of your husbands is constantly praising your hubby, admiring him, building up your hubbys ego and also putting his own personal problems on your husband to take care of. Your hubby needs to see beyond the outer appearance and false words this 'friend' presents. You and your husband are not responsible for this mans life; only he is. It is okay to help someone out, but not to be responsible for their livelihood and problems. Think your husband will have to find out himself that this friend is a loser, not a friend, but an aquaintance. Don't allow this man to ruin your marriage. Some lessons in life take time to learn and it will happen.
2007-09-12 04:00:27 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your husband has low self esteem and doesn't want to upset his "only true friend". There is something this friend gives him "emotionally " that he feeds on. When they are together how does the friend treat him or talk to him. See if you can figure out what the bond is. There is a reason that your husband does not see what is really happening.
I really am not trying to be upsetting, just honest. Is there any chance there is a sexual attachment between them. His wife just had a nervous breakdown? Did you see Brokeback Mountain?
2007-09-12 04:02:49 · answer #5 · answered by golfinggoddess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husbands friend is ruining our marriage?
2014-12-13 08:14:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and talk to your husband. As much as you want this guy out of your life, he is your husbands friend. Your husband and you have to talk this out and come to a compromise where this guy is concerned. Stop bad mouthing him, it hasn't worked for you thus far. Who cares if he has the same truck, that is just material, he is a loser and you know it.
2007-09-12 03:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give you husband an ultimatum: Grow a spine an tell his friend enough, or you're out the door (with the kids if you have them), and the two of them can be miserable together.
If he choses his friend over you, then you know what kind of a person he is, and be glad to be rid of him.
2007-09-12 04:39:29 · answer #8 · answered by tiny Valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy is NOT the problem. YOUR hubby is because he doesnt see that is like a puppet on a string where his friend is concerned. ONLY the people in the marriage can hurt the marriage. Sit your hubby down and tell him what you are going to do if he doesnt put his family first and mean it.
2007-09-12 03:49:49 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get into counseling with your husband. Maybe a third party can help him see what is going on. He sees it as sour grapes on your part, but a third party may be able to open his eyes.
Tell him that if he doesn't agree you are going to file for a separation and he needs to make a decision.
2007-09-12 03:48:53 · answer #10 · answered by Deb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋