My husband and I have split about a month ago and I have went ahead and started the divorce. We have been having problems since February and have gotten to this step but never past it, well we never filed. We I have filed now and am meeting with the lawyer today. Well 2 days ago my husband says to me that he wants one more try to make this work. He says he is really going to work at it this time and prove to me that he loves me and wants us. He is leaving for Germany in December and my question is: Should I believe him, drop the divorce and give him a chance, or should I make it a legal separation and give him 6m to figure things out and then move out there if they do work, or should I just say forget it and carry on and if we get back together then we do? I have carefully considered every option and my heart is torn between all 3 and I really don't know what to do! Any advice would be great!
2007-09-12 03:00:49 · 8 answers · asked by Kimberly M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks for all the answers, also the reason i am looking at getting a legal separation is because I live in TX and they don't recognize separation unless i get a legal one, thus I can't get any state help because it will include his income too.
2007-09-12 03:14:46 · update #1
Also we have 2 children ages 1 and 2 and this will be the 5th try I have given him to prove to me he cares, the other times he tried until he was able to move back in and then he stopped, thats why i am so iffy on giving him another chance.
2007-09-12 03:16:59 · update #2
Oh and before the first time we separated we went to marriage counseling and we went 3 times and he stopped it said it was stupid and that it was over. I don't know if I will be able to get him to go again...
2007-09-12 03:18:23 · update #3
He can't file residency in Germany, the army is sending him over there and he will be there for 2-3 years.
2007-09-12 04:04:02 · update #4
He didn't cheat and he doesn't hit me. He does not show that he cares, and that is one of the things he has promised to work on.
2007-09-12 04:30:26 · update #5
If you love him then you have an obligation to try and save the marraige. Divorce is difficult, even if you are the one that wants it.
Don't let him come back unless he agrees to counseling. If one doesn't work, try another until you find a good fit. Your children deserve to have both parents if you can make it work.
Good Luck
2007-09-12 03:34:15 · answer #1 · answered by Deb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up on your marriage so easily, you can always get a separation or divorce later. It seems from your post that you both truly care about each other and want to make a go of it. Why not try working on it as he is not leaving for Germany until December; that gives you both much time to see if the actions mean as much as the words do. Good luck
2007-09-12 03:15:44 · answer #2 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to file BEFORE he acquires residency in another country, otherwise, he could move to Germany, become a resident, then file for divorce over there. That could leave you in big, financial trouble. Since you've already tried counseling and you've already tried 5 times, delaying is only going to give opportunity to either you or him to have an affair. Why muddy the waters more. File and start moving on with your life so you can find a man you can get along with better.
2007-09-12 03:42:44 · answer #3 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide if the marriage is worth saving! If you really want to be married to this person, put the divorce on hold and give it your best effort. The get marriage consoling. Otherwise, you will fall back into the same old patterns and end up in the same situation a few years down the road!
2007-09-12 03:09:26 · answer #4 · answered by NeeNee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if your problems have only been since February I think it is worth letting him prove himself. Don't get a legal separation if he is already leaving for Germany. Let him try to prove himself until then and then make your decision. Hang on for a little while longer.
2007-09-12 03:08:15 · answer #5 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he cheat? Did he hit you? How is he not showing that he cares? This is a decision you have to make since you are the one that has all the details.
2007-09-12 04:17:32 · answer #6 · answered by why ask 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would continue with the legal seperation procedings. Show him you mean business.Give him the opportunity to prove himself to you.I wish you both the best,especially if children are involved.
2007-09-12 03:28:58 · answer #7 · answered by momof2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not give your marriage every opportunity to succeed? Give him the chance he asks for, what do you have to lose????
2007-09-12 03:09:10 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋