My husband has been having some health lately & isn't supposed to be drinking now. Yesterday he didn't answer his phone for a couple of hours & I was worried . He came home drunk - when I asked where he'd been he said he went to an upscale strip club here.
I've asked him not to go to strip clubs, because I worked at one when I was younger for a couple of years & I know what goes on. Upscale clubs are worse than the lower ones, because money will pretty much get anything you want. He has given his word he wouldn't - he's happy to go with me (which we do at times)
Granted, he was honest. And he didn't have make-up or that all too familiar topless dancer smell on him, so I do believe he didn't have a lap dance.
I'm mad that he broke his promise about not going. And about drinking, but also that he didn't answer his phone. What if something was wrong with our sons, I'd had a wreck or the car broke down, etc?
Would you be mad about this? Am I overreacting?
2007-09-12 02:25:37 · 44 answers · asked by nite_angelica 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's almost 50 years old - strip clubs are nothing new to him. He used to be in a sales position where taking clients was the norm. But thanks for trying to put the blame back on me - how normal for a male.
We've been married for years and I don't see a problem with us going together. The problem is that he gave me his word and he broke it.
2007-09-12 02:33:20 · update #1
Okay, I am assuming you want honest answers here. So, here I go...YES and a big H3LL YES for being mad. I don't think that a strip club (I don't care if its high end or not) is an appropriate place for a husband to be. Here is why...it opens up all kinds of doors for the wrong behavior. Not only do you wonder what he has been doing, which by the way, makes you lose trust, but it makes you wonder WHY he feels the need to look at naked women (and not you). Now, you add alcohol in the mix and it gets even worse. You asking this question is proof what it can do to your mind. I don't understand why men think its okay to go to these places when they have a mate at home.
Another reason you should be angry is the fact that he broke his promise about drinking. The obvious is the health issues. But then you have to throw in there the fact that he got behind the wheel of a vehicle to get his sorry butt home. Think of the implications there.
Last but not least...not answering the phone. What is up with that? He knew he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. That is a big "fu## you" in my book! You are right...what if you needed him for an emergency or something. He was at a boob bar ogling naked women. What kind of husband does that?
I am sorry if I sound harsh. I am sure that your husband has some redeeming qualities or you wouldn't be with him. But you asked a questions and I am going to give you my honest opinion. He needs to get into some kind of counseling. For whatever reason (and maybe a shrink can help him with this) he feels the need to go to strip clubs, drink when he's not supposed to and then lie to his wife about it. I would insist on him getting help in some form or fashion.
One more thing...if you ever want to talk, please email me. I sure hope that I have helped you some. Hopefully your husband will get the help he needs so that you can have a good marriage. I am sorry that you are going through this. It isn’t fair. Good luck to you.
2007-09-12 02:43:43 · answer #1 · answered by Slipped Halo 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
you ought to easily clarify to him which you're sorry and you probably did no longer comprehend he grew to become into awaiting a decision from artwork, yet on the different hand, how would desire to you have everyday? If he's often working, this is not person-friendly to appreciate whilst this is significant or purely him bringing artwork domicile. he's your husband, he ought to separate his artwork time and his existence time. Ask him if over a weekend or after 7 or 8pm he would desire to pass away his telephone off each and every so often and luxuriate in spending time with you? i desire all of it works out. don't be too worried, he did marry you :] He loves you and can't stay mad perpetually.
2016-11-10 05:29:43 · answer #2 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would feel horrible if my other half did that after promising not to - I would hope that at the time we made the promise he would have been able to say any issues he could see with it.
Also I would hate it if he purposefully ignored my calls to get away with it, it would just outright suck. Id much rather be told, Im going to do this, I know you might not agree with it but I'm going to.
You can look on the bright side, that after he had his fill he came home and told you the truth, a small victory but better than the alternative.
If he's going to do it anyway then I suggest you dont have it as a "rule".
Rules are bad in a relationship anyway, both people should be able to be spontaneous and a bit crazy whenever they like but to also have an understanding and respect for each others wishes.
Surely a bit of a row now and again is better than him lying to you or sneaking about?
2007-09-12 02:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by Fiona F 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Of course you are over reacting.
Nothing went wrong with your son, did it? No.
Did you wreck the car? No.
From what I can gather your husband has some health problem. The drinking may be because of this health problem - he may be suffering more than he lets on & drank to release the pressure or stress. He didn't answer his phone because he wanted some time away from you - can't you see that?
Just because he went to a strip joint without telling you - you arre throwing a hissy. You obviously still frequent the places together.
All you're thinking of is yourself. But don't worry all the girls will come in here & sympathyse with you - no matter what the circumstances.
2007-09-12 02:35:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
You should stop attempting to control another person. If strip clubs makes him happy, then you should allow him that happiness. You should explain that you are concerned about his drinking because it is bad for his health; and that because you love him, you worry. However, you should allow him to deal with his health issues the way he wants. A husband should not have to feel like a slave in his own home. A good compromise would be that you will allow him to go to the strip clubs if he calls at a certain time. That way you won't be mad and overreact.
2007-09-12 02:35:03 · answer #5 · answered by SuziChi 3 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Yes, you are over-reacting. He's a grown man, and can take care of himself, and at his age this "promise" was no doubt coerced under duress. He probably had a good reason to go, but your incessant harping on the "broken promise" probably convinced him that confiding in you with the reason he felt compelled to go was a bad idea. Thus you have missed an opportunity to discuss a matter of major importance in his life. Congratulations.
2007-09-12 08:15:25 · answer #6 · answered by terry m 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It all comes down to this: honesty. If you didn't mind him going to strip clubs, no big deal. But he *said* that he wouldn't and then did. Granted he fessed up, but as they say it's always easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Even if you did hate him going to strip clubs, but he told you "Sorry, I'm going to go to them anyway." that would be better than saying "OK I won't go" and then going. That way you have the information you need to make intelligent choices about the relationship.
I am a firm believer in doing what you say you will do, but not allowing yourself to be held to commitments that you never agreed to and were just assumed.
2007-09-12 02:36:23 · answer #7 · answered by jtbmax 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, I'd be upset. Coming from someone who's also worked in that environment, I've asked my boyfriend the same thing. But he did tell you the truth, when he could have very easily lied, he deserves credit for that. I guess if it were me, I'd let him off this time, (but letting him know that it did upset me), and if it happened again, I'd be much more angry and upset. Hope that helped!
2007-09-12 02:53:19 · answer #8 · answered by Elizabeth 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He broke his word to you about not going without you. I'd be pissed about that more than the fact that he actually went.
I'd be a little skeptical for awhile and make sure that there isn't anything going on behind your back.
Its good that he at least told you about it, but it could also be that he just ended up staying there longer than expected and had no choice but to tell you because he knew he was busted.
2007-09-12 02:37:45 · answer #9 · answered by sleepydad 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'd be over the top mad! To not answer my call while he's at a strip club?! If he came home and told me the truth about where he'd been, then I couldn't be AS mad for his being there, still upset though. But to not answer my call would be completely thoughtless.
2007-09-12 02:34:33 · answer #10 · answered by sm17 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋