My fiance and I have been together for 3 years, engaged for a year now, our wedding is coming up in a few months. etc. Anyways this one topic that we just talked about got me unusually thinking into it perhaps a little too much for my own good.
Ok well her and my sister are close friends, since before we started dating and got engaged. My sister was around for her ex-boyfriend. And they were together the other day and my sister told her she thought that she was still in love with her ex. This got my fiance thinking and so we talked about it. She said that he was her first love and that in a way she still loves him, but as a friend only. And that he will always hold a place in her heart.
2007-09-12 00:52:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just started to get worried that she may not be completely ready to commit to a marriage if she still has left over feelings for her ex. I have not experienced that with any of my ex's. Is this a normal feeling for her to have. Or could this just be pre-wedding jitters she is having. She has been very emotional this last week, this could be why. Should I be worried that it could recindle in the future or am I looking too much into it.
She is with me now and says that she loves me unconditionaly and that even though she still will hold a place in her heart for her first love that I am the most important thing in her life. I trust her completely that's not an issue. Is this just a case of perhaps me having the jitters, or is this something that we should work out more before the wedding. I don't want to and don't think I should ask her to forget him completely.
Is this an issue that I just have to work out in my head or do you forsee complications with her feelings for him?
Thanks,
2007-09-12 00:57:26 · update #1
Response to Answers:
Wow, those were 2 fast responses. Thanks for the quick feedback
1) I will try the making a list idea, We are very open and honest with each other so I may sit down with her as we do it.
2) We had a long talk about it last night, felt better after the talk, she just reasured me that it was a strictly plutonic friendship type love and that I had nothing to worry about. I guess I'm still just thinking too much about it. haha sounds like a problem on my end when I sit here and type it out.
2007-09-12 01:03:54 · update #2
wow, first time using yahoo answers, did not expect such fast or great feedback.
If any of you all who replied check back to this, thanks to all.
You all have given me a great relief and from the majority of answers it sounds like exactly what I knew on my own, guess it's always easier to give advice than to take your own.
We are together now, and completely in love with each other, that is all that matters. We do have an amazing honest, open, confiding relationship and when I think about it, just the fact that she can openly come to me with out hessitation or worry and sit down and talk about this with me does say everything that I need to know. I love her and am going to marry her, she will be the mother of my child and we will live the rest of our lives loving each other.
ok I'm done rambling now, thanks again all who provided such great quick responses. Wish I could pick more than one best response.
2007-09-12 01:22:09 · update #3
Everyone has a past. Some worse then others. I think she is lucky to have an ex that is still a friend. If she tells you she loves you and only you. Then you have to believe her. She says she only loves him as a friend. There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. As long as she's in love with you and not him I don't think you have anything to worrie about. She's not going to forget about him. You never forget your first love. And yes she will think about him from time to time but I truely believe she is in love with you. If you are the person she can come to when she's hurt sad and upset or happy then everything will be ok. If she has to find comfort in another then that will be your mistake. Respect her and her feelings. Listen when she needs to talk. Hold her when she cries. A lot of people ruin relationships by not doing these things. Don't worrie. Get married , have babies, and be happy!!!! Good luck!!
2007-09-12 01:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by ilovelucy1207 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simple fact that your fiance was willing to sit down and talk about it with you should give you all the answers you need. She was honest right? She wasn't sneaking behind your back or scribbling little notes in her diary saying how much she still cares for her ex.
If her ex was her first love and she still has remnants of feelings for him, it doesn't mean she's going to dump you and go chasing after him. It is a NORMAL feeling for some women to have. It does not mean she has any less love for you.
If you guys sit down and talk about these things then it will all work out for you two. It sounds like you guys will have a great marriage. Don't let these little things make you doubt. If you love her, claim her, and don't be worried about losing her as much!
Good luck to the both of you!!
2007-09-12 01:06:56 · answer #2 · answered by Jaimee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may very well hold a place in her heart, but as you two build your lives together, and start a family, his place will take up less and less space. I also had unresolved feeling for my first love. There was never a chance that I would reconcile though. I knew he was not the right person for me, but he was still in my head and heart. Then I met my husband. We had a good relationship, but I was never sure if I would ever get my ex out of my head, but as time went by and me and my husband have been building our lives together, I can honestly say, I have no feelings for my ex. None. I no longer wonder where he is or how his life has been. I am totally focused on my life with my husband and my children. He will always be my first love, but he is no longer in my heart, just in my past. My husband is my one true love (even if I didn't meet him first).
2007-09-12 01:11:56 · answer #3 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the other hand, would you like to think she could be in a relationship and NOT have feelings for the other person.
It is about where those feelings take them and their actions. If you think that two years from now she will be looking at her ex as wonderous and starts trying to chase him down then you have a problem.
Everyone remembers their first love. Everyones heart has enough room for all of the relationships.
I remember my first love fondly and that was 40 years ago.
That did not stop me from having a 32 year marriage to my wife though.
You may want to ask your sister to butt out as well.
2007-09-12 01:11:56 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-10 10:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like jitters on both ends. Plus it's pretty normal to still care about exes. I have an ex that I'm still very good friends with and care about him as a person, I love him, just not in love and never will be again...this doesn't affect my love for my bf at all. You guys will be fine, start looking forward to your wedding. Congratulations!
2007-09-12 01:00:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe she shouldn't of told you her feeling about him that part doesn't make sense to me why would she tell you that unless she is worried about her feelings towards him. It would worry me a lot if i were you,it's true we women hold something special for our first love but that's it we don't hold the love we had unless it's an unfinished love. I would really sit her down and talk to her about it if i were you. If your own sister saw it then it's obvious that something could happen in the future between them.
2007-09-12 01:18:58 · answer #7 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am still friends with my first love. We both moved on to other relationships and marriages but still talk and have lunch sometimes. Every woman that has been special to me are still friends with me. That doesn't mean I would jeopardize any new relationship by rekindling an affair.
If you tell someone you love them then on some level isn't that forever? As long as she is committed to you I wouldn't worry.
2007-09-12 01:45:25 · answer #8 · answered by Big Red 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal for a woman to still care about her first love. i don't think you have anything to worry about. however, you should sit down and talk to her and let her know that you are feeling a little uneasy and that you guys are about to take a huge step in life together and that you want her to be absolutely sure this is what she wants to do.
2007-09-12 01:02:17 · answer #9 · answered by Aja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start listing women who hold a special place in your heart.
2007-09-12 00:57:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋